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Original poster

Husband wants another baby

65 replies

JC2021 · 21/09/2021 22:11

Long and short of this..

DH wants another baby, our son is turning 3 next month.. I really don't want another!!

DH has mentioned it a few times but it's becoming more and more frequent and it's pissing me off.. he knows my stance on this.. I had a really difficult time with current DS in the first couple years..

MIL also pressuring DH for another grandchild (f*ck off!)

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/09/2021 22:13

Is DH prepared to take shared parental leave and do the bulk of looking after if you agree to go ahead?

Does he do his fair share now?

Did he when your DS was born and in those early years when you struggled?

Regardless of above YANBU to say you aren't putting yourself through it again.

Bananarama21 · 21/09/2021 22:16

Had you discussed how many dc you wanted op? Your within your rights to say no and he should respect that but it could be a deal breaker further down the line. I'd have been gutted if I just had one dc.

Original poster
JC2021 · 21/09/2021 22:20

Tbh we both really value our own time and space (rare with a toddler) but no I don't think my husband was hands on enough for me to consider it.. I barely had any support at all and it's really put me off..

We never spoke about kids too often, we knew we wanted 1 then would reassess but as time goes on the thought of another doesn't excite me but fill me with dread

OP posts:
HotSauceCommittee · 21/09/2021 22:25

Tell him no. Please be straightforward and don't let him grind you down. It is your life that will be much more affected than his. If it's a deal breaker for him, so be it. It's a huge thing to ask so be really clear.

Original poster
JC2021 · 21/09/2021 22:40

He openly even admitted "it would be much harder on you than me"

As it stands I have no independence, am looking to go to work, earn own money etc.,

I really hate being reliant on husband- I wouldn't recommend it to any woman

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/09/2021 22:43

I would respond every time "you didn't do a fair share with DS so no I'm never doing it again"

Sakurami · 21/09/2021 22:47

Tell him tough tits . If he really wanted more kids he would have pulled his weight.

BreadInCaptivity · 21/09/2021 22:55

Sounds to me that if he wanted more children he'd have prioritised pulling his weight with your first to make you feel the same.

The fact he didn't and admits a second would be harder on you isn't exactly a good omen that he's going to do anything different this time round.

You're just doing it again, plus a toddler and an additional 3 more years of financial dependence on him.

I think you need to be blunt and say exactly what you've said here.

Original poster
JC2021 · 21/09/2021 23:02

He's not a lazy person but with our son I can see he genuinely struggles to do day to day things!! He has found parenting as overwhelming as I have at times and I don't understand how he could want another.. maybe his age, approaching 40.. also his own mother applying pressure.. for him to openly admit it would be harder on me (pregnancy a given) I think he means the emotional side, daily grind etc
He mentioned a sibling for our son being better than only child (guilt trip)
No way..

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 21/09/2021 23:06

@JC2021

He's not a lazy person but with our son I can see he genuinely struggles to do day to day things!! He has found parenting as overwhelming as I have at times and I don't understand how he could want another.. maybe his age, approaching 40.. also his own mother applying pressure.. for him to openly admit it would be harder on me (pregnancy a given) I think he means the emotional side, daily grind etc He mentioned a sibling for our son being better than only child (guilt trip) No way..
Don't let anyone guilt trip you about the whole 'kids need siblings' crap. Only children are great and you need to do what makes you happy. The person who doesn't want more kids trumps the one who does in my opinion. It's then up to him whether it's a dealbreaker or not.
Holothane · 21/09/2021 23:08

It’s no and he’ll have to lump it, does he help when baby tiny I bet he didn’t much, you don’t want another why should you? Hugs.

BrilloPaddy · 21/09/2021 23:11

It has to be something you both want.

And it's you that will bear the greatest impact.

What he wants and needs is irrelevant if he's not helping with any of it.

Original poster
JC2021 · 21/09/2021 23:17

I think because he provides everything financially he sees it that I may have it easier..?

Although it's more my own sanity I wish to protect here it's not about money

We went away for 10 nights the first time away altogether and he looked overwhelmed and not present

He didn't enjoy the holiday much as obviously things change when kids are involved and he kept saying how difficult he found things :///

There's my answer

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 21/09/2021 23:21

My fanny would clamp shut.
Make sure you double up on contraception methods.

Tell him 'no, I do not want another. Do NOT bring it up with me again. This us the last time I will repeat myself. As my partner, I need you to support me reclqiming my independence and getting back into work. That's what I need from you now. So step up'. I'd also be tempted to add 'tbh you have a bloody nerve suggesting a second child considering you don't even pull your weight with our first born'.

Is it possible be wants you to have another so that you won't be able to regain your independence?

Pinkbonbon · 21/09/2021 23:23

Also, as an only child, I would have fucking hated a younger sibling. I suspect most kids do.

RandomMess · 21/09/2021 23:25

Swap roles for 2 weeks - you go out in the morning and come back in the evening a d leave him to it...

You just need to cite how he seemed overwhelmed and disconnected on holiday.

One and done is utterly valid choice.

If MIL hints to you I'd be clear that her son didn't step up with the first and still hasn't!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/09/2021 23:45

The person who doesn't want a child after consideration gets the final say. It's then up to them to decide if it's a dealbreaker.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/09/2021 23:46

@youvegottenminuteslynn

The person who doesn't want a child after consideration gets the final say. It's then up to them to decide if it's a dealbreaker.
Sorry it's up to them and their partner to decide if it's a dealbreaker. And to follow through on it.
Original poster
JC2021 · 21/09/2021 23:47

@Pinkbonbon

"Is it possible be wants you to have another so that you won't be able to regain your independence?"

It could be possible and has crossed my mind a few times

OP posts:
BreadInCaptivity · 21/09/2021 23:55

I'm an only, as is DH and neither of us regret not having siblings.

Frankly seeing the relationships friends have with theirs (or don't) has not changed my mind.

It's an absolute myth that all only children feel bereft because they lack siblings.

Some (few) mourn the lack of a sibling that in their head was the most perfect sister/brother ever, but the chances of your mythical sibling being that person is very low.

Your DH and MIL can "want" as much as they like, but as the person whose expected to literally "carry" this decision and it's negative impacts (and not just the positives like them) it's your call to make.

sunnyzweibrucken · 22/09/2021 00:29

There’s no way in hell I’d have another one with a man who didn’t pull his weight with the first one. Especially Since yiu don’t want another anyway

Aquamarine1029 · 22/09/2021 00:33

I would be telling him no and that the discussion is now over. You'd be a fool to have another baby with this man.

AdoraBell · 22/09/2021 00:36

If you don’t another child you don’t have to have another. Stick to your guns.

HarrisonStickle · 22/09/2021 00:47

He's not going to worry too much about contraception so make sure you're especially vigilant about it.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/09/2021 00:47

I can see he genuinely struggles to do day to day things!

Oh boo fucking hoo. He can't cope with being a parent to one child but wants you to have another?

Stand your ground and tell him no. Also suggest a vasectomy...