Husband wants another baby

[JC2021]

Long and short of this..

DH wants another baby, our son is turning 3 next month.. I really don't want another!!

DH has mentioned it a few times but it's becoming more and more frequent and it's pissing me off.. he knows my stance on this.. I had a really difficult time with current DS in the first couple years..

MIL also pressuring DH for another grandchild (f*ck off!)

@JC2021

We do have equal access to money, a shared/joint card where purchases are made.

My DH has other personal accounts too which hold his salary etc.,

He puts money from his 'main' account into our joint one - enough for every month..

I am craving independence now.. so the thought of 'starting again' isn't right for me.

If it's a dealbreaker then that is something we would have to seriously discuss

You do have your own bank account though right op?

Because equal access to money on a joint account means nothing if he can take it away at the drop of a hat. Seriously, get that fixed ASAP.

Get your own bank account and have him pay in to that. Work out all the bills that are to come out and if that's an average of 600 pm then ask for 800pcm to be payed in each month. Or, have him pay the bills and pay you a set amount each month so you can save. Make sure you claim any benefits you are entitled to.

I could have written your post OP, except my DD is nearly 4.

Huge pressure from DP, MIL, my colleagues and friends to have another. My relationship is not strong enough for another child and neither is my mental health so I am not doing it.

I don't have much advice but I want you to know you are not alone. It's not easy

@Pinkbonbon

Honestly didn't know or think I would be entitled to any benefits due to my husband earnings.

I wish i had my own income now. I'll get there 🙏

@again2020 sorry to hear that you're experiencing the same it's so tough on us mums in particular

Good to you for standing your ground

Also you sound aware of yourself/ your mental health 🙏

Do not let him sway you if YOU don't want another child. As others have said, the one who doesn't want a child trumps the one who does. It sounds like you did and still do the daily hard grind of it all.

Your child will be perfectly fine being an only child. And you will both get some free time and you can regain independence through working and earning your own money. It's easy for people to want something when they're not the one doing the work. Plus, if you don't want another then you don't want another. Simple as that.

What on earth is his justification for wanting to impregnate you again? He’s not bothered about parenting his existing kid, so it must be a creepy dominance thing, as you said you e suspected. Gross. Tell him that his mother is not to ask about your private business again. (Don’t know how you can bear to have your husband anywhere near you, but good luck with that.)

Don’t think of it in terms of husband wants a ‘baby’, he doesn’t parent, so it’s husband wants to ‘impregnate me’.

Not making excuses but we did have a rough ride the first year colic, severe reflux, infection both me and baby.. our son is so so epic and fun but demanding and difficult temperament at times.. I don't wish to go through it.. my son is a mummy's boy and listens to her a lot she is likely applying some pressure! He has openly admitted he likes his own space and doesn't want another but then will change his mind!

My husband is a mummy's boy

So you have a DH problem as he wants to keep MIL happy at the expense of you and him!!!

His mummy doesn't get left looking after a new baby...

When a couple disagrees about having a child, the one who doesn't want a child tends to get the deciding vote effectively, as it's unfair to bring an unwanted (by one of their parents) in to the world.

Add to that if the parent who doesn't want another child is the one who would a) carry that child, b) take the career / financial hit and c) have to do most of the childcare, then their say has even more weight.

Everything you are saying tells us you don't want another child, and you have logical and practical reasons that make sense.

If your husband had been a great, hands-on dad I'd have more sympathy for him, but it seems he wants another child to please his mum or because he thinks that what you do - or possibly to keep yu at home for longer.

And providing a sibling for an existing child is not a good reason to have a baby. Children with siblings are not automatically happier / more sociable / less selfish - or any of those other theories you hear. I know pleenty of very happy and well balanced, sociable only children. (and a fair few with siblings they can't stand )

Well done for not being another statistic of a woman who has been out of the job market for 5 years, and had another child with a man who they knew wouldn't pull their weight and is trapped, for better or worse.

Don't do it. I say that as a parent to an only child. I have a brilliant husband but we both agreed we couldn't handle another one!

He’s already got an heir who will pass his name on, he should be grateful.

You need to decide if it’s a deal breaker and if it is, you need to tell him. He likes the idea of another child, not because he really wants one but because he thinks he should. The second you got pregnant it more of his past and current behaviour but ten times worse.

Stick to your guns!

I was done at one, there were fleeting moments where I thought about another but I knew deep down that the emotional responsibility would be mine alone. Society is more than happy to reinforce the entitlement of lazy father’s, so no thanks, I’m not going to sacrifice myself trying to change that.