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Original poster

Husband wants another baby

65 replies

JC2021 · 21/09/2021 22:11

Long and short of this..

DH wants another baby, our son is turning 3 next month.. I really don't want another!!

DH has mentioned it a few times but it's becoming more and more frequent and it's pissing me off.. he knows my stance on this.. I had a really difficult time with current DS in the first couple years..

MIL also pressuring DH for another grandchild (f*ck off!)

OP posts:
StressyWoman · 22/09/2021 00:58

Explain why you don’t want another baby, get contraception and refuse to keep talking about it.

Couchbettato · 22/09/2021 01:03

A good husband would not coerce you with duress or pressure to make a life changing decision.

This post has red flags.

Stick to your guns OP. He wouldn't be any better a second time around and I suspect he likes the idea of a woman at home looking after the affairs and is actually more worried about losing some of his independence as he's expected to pull more weight if and when you return to the workplace.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/09/2021 01:12

Generally it's the person who doesn't want another who 'wins' because you can't have an unwanted child deliberately.

Just tell him to stop talking about it. You don't have to justify it.

violetbunny · 22/09/2021 02:57

The more you post, the more worrying this sounds.
Do you have equal access to money now, OP?
Is he supportive of you regaining your financial independence?

CockSpadget · 22/09/2021 03:45

The fact that the thought "fills you with dread" is all the justification you need to not have another. Let him do all the guilt tripping and cajoling he wants. It's a big fat no from you. And if he carries on despite your decision and reasoning, then you might need to be rethinking your relationship.

PurpleDaisies · 22/09/2021 03:51

You don’t need any reason for not wanting another baby. You don’t. That’s the end of it.

It’s difficult if you aren’t on the same page but whoever doesn’t want another child is the one that gets the final say. You husband might decide that’s a dealbreaker for him. Depending on how it goes, counselling could help you work through it.

It sounds like there are other issues in your relationship and adding another child into the mix seems a bad idea.

Spiindoctor · 22/09/2021 03:53

It sounds like you both aren't getting much pleasure from little DS 1.
3 is a lovely age!

Plumtree391 · 22/09/2021 05:21

Don't give in to pressure if you are sure you do not want another child. You are the one who would be carrying and giving birth to the child so it should be your choice.

Stick to your guns, refuse to discuss it.

Original poster
JC2021 · 22/09/2021 08:02

We do have equal access to money, a shared/joint card where purchases are made.

My DH has other personal accounts too which hold his salary etc.,

He puts money from his 'main' account into our joint one - enough for every month..

I am craving independence now.. so the thought of 'starting again' isn't right for me.

If it's a dealbreaker then that is something we would have to seriously discuss

OP posts:
SVRT19674 · 22/09/2021 08:41

I have one and totally fulfilled my need to be a mother. Do not want another one. Husband is on same page. the amount of couples that overstretch themselves in order to give their kid this supposed perfect sibling, or bow to the ideal that two kids is the perfect family, and then find that their physical, psychological and monetary balance is destroyed is amazing. I do not understand why your husband is parroting this I want two when it is obvious the single child situation if perfect for you. If his mom wants another she can have it herself. I cut those comments short, with no way. And no, she is not going to have a sibling. People barely mention it again.

Naunet · 22/09/2021 08:50

If he doesn’t parent the first child, why on earth does he want a second so much? I’d also be suspicious that he actually just wants you at home. His mum can also fuck off frankly, you’re not a broodmare for god sake and she should show you more respect.

Tell him that since he did zero parenting with the first, it’s an absolute no and to stop asking unless he wants to damage your relationship permanently. Then be very, very careful with your contraception, he wouldn’t be the first man to mess with pills etc to trick his partner into pregnancy.

WTF475878237NC · 22/09/2021 08:53

Tell him 'no, I do not want another. Do NOT bring it up with me again. This us the last time I will repeat myself.

^ what an odd dictatorial tactic. This isn't how we reach a resolution on difficult topics in my relationship.

I think you need to keep coming back to the facts and what the experience has been like. There are lots of DH doesn't want another baby threads here and women are encouraged to keep talking it through until both sides are able to mourn the child they'll never have, and/or split up.

Naunet · 22/09/2021 09:02

@WTF475878237NC

Tell him 'no, I do not want another. Do NOT bring it up with me again. This us the last time I will repeat myself.

^ what an odd dictatorial tactic. This isn't how we reach a resolution on difficult topics in my relationship.

I think you need to keep coming back to the facts and what the experience has been like. There are lots of DH doesn't want another baby threads here and women are encouraged to keep talking it through until both sides are able to mourn the child they'll never have, and/or split up.

Sorry what on earth are you talking about? Why are you equating women who do all of the child creation, birth and then the vast majority of care, with a man who does fuck all?
WTF475878237NC · 22/09/2021 09:14

I'm presuming she loves her husband and doesn't want the marriage to end, so I'm advising her to keep communicating with him about it, and expressing what she has to us on here, rather than just shutting him down and refusing to talk about it as some people have suggested.

saleorbouy · 22/09/2021 09:49

I would have a discussion with him and tell him exactly why you feel it is not for you. Allow him to put his case forward so that he feels like at least he has been listened to.
You have outlined your reasons in your post so make him fully aware of how and why you have reached your stance.
Perhaps book a w/e away with friends for yourself and leave him to have a "boys weekend" with DS, maybe this will help him understand your viewpoint and allow you to also press home that he finds one "difficult" then how would he manage with two that need more effort!

rhowton · 22/09/2021 09:52

Go and get the coil straight away... copper can last 10 years, or one with hormones can last 5. Your child will get funding soon (from January- 30 hours), and you can start looking for part time jobs.

Wombat96 · 22/09/2021 09:58

If you're struggling now, wait until you're late 40s. Obviously everyone is different but I'm so glad I didn't have kids now I'm menopausal. If you like peace & quiet, menopause only makes that worse.

It's easy to want stuff when you're not doing the grunt work.

girlmom21 · 22/09/2021 10:01

Be firm with him and explain to him why you feel the way you do. It won't impact him like it'd impact you.

cushioncovers · 22/09/2021 10:06

Dont be talked into having another op. What if it was twins? What if your second child had serious health complications? You are entitled to have a life outside of being a mum.

Goldbar · 22/09/2021 10:32

No, no, no! Get back to work and reclaim your independence. It sounds like that is what will make you happy. You are not a baby-making machine and unpaid nanny and housekeeper for him.

If he's stressed out with one child that he doesn't do much for, imagine how much worse it will be with 2 children.

PurpleDaisies · 22/09/2021 10:32

I totally agree that just refusing to discuss it is not going to help the relationship at all. It’s really interesting contrasting this thread with the ones where the wife wants another child but the husband doesn’t. It’s a really difficult situation for both parties. That’s not to say that the Dh is handling things well, and there sound like there are other issues as well.

PurpleDaisies · 22/09/2021 10:34

Just in case it has come across that the op should have another baby, I’m not saying that at all. Just that if they’re going to get through this, they need to talk. Getting a coil is a really good idea.

OrangeTortoise · 22/09/2021 10:36

Just keep saying no, OP.

Stroopwaffle5000 · 22/09/2021 10:38

@saleorbouy

I would have a discussion with him and tell him exactly why you feel it is not for you. Allow him to put his case forward so that he feels like at least he has been listened to. You have outlined your reasons in your post so make him fully aware of how and why you have reached your stance. Perhaps book a w/e away with friends for yourself and leave him to have a "boys weekend" with DS, maybe this will help him understand your viewpoint and allow you to also press home that he finds one "difficult" then how would he manage with two that need more effort!
This! He needs to understand how difficult hands on parenting can be!
stickygotstuck · 22/09/2021 10:41

Never have a child you don't really want. Ever. You will be the one to suffer. And maybe the child(ren).

Your seem very sure in your refusal (and FWIW your reasons seem solid to me). Don't let him talk you into it. For me, this would be a dealbreaker, relationship-ending, really.

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