Starting relationships with suspect men

[ValerieCupcake]

Been reading about the chap that killed his girlfriend, her children and their friend. Been in a relationship 6 months and he was an arsonist, anyone can find it in the news. I hope this doesn't come across as "Victim Blaming" because it is not meant like that. Rather, to ask why when we have Clare's Law now would women not check out someone before introducing them to their kids? He must have given something away about his behaviour. He set a BMW on fire in May 2020 see below.

PARK SOUTH: Damien Bendall, 31, of Cranmore Avenue, admitted arson. He destroyed a BMW worth £1,350 in May last year. The magistrates sent his case to Swindon Crown Court for sentence.

This is one of the worst things I have seen in the news for a long time.

@SleepingBunnies21

She's a highly intelligent, funny, kind woman

But there's something amiss with her, right?

Some kind of self delusion or lack of self esteem or ...?

I mean, she's even letting him fk up her relationship with her children. And she's already broken up their family as they knew it for him.

Boiling frog syndrome. In her head, neither of their marriages were great, so they'd both leave their existing partners, set up home together, co parent the kids & live happily ever after.

She didn't think ahead to him not being as invested in this future as she was, leading to his marriage ending not politely with mutual regret & good intentions as hers did, but instead exploding with him being a thoroughly horrible piece of work, who had to be righteously turfed out, much to his surprise, by his very pissed off cheated on wife.

She simply didn't reason from A to B, & listened to his bullshit: that they were perfect together & he was just waiting for an appropriate moment to leave his marriage.

She was surrounded by friends telling her that she was saddling herself with an obviously nasty piece of work. Completely deaf to us. Is now painfully working her way free...I hope, but sadly I've answered SO many unhappy midnight phone calls which have been subsequently explained away as 'oh things were a bit difficult but it's fine now.'

He's been violent towards his ex wife and squared up to you, her female friend so not isolated (not that isolated would be ok); there's something wrong with her, to have continued the relationship.

She's also dismissed him calling her a whore.

Something is not functioning right with her.

I agree with PPs completely.

I would not be in a relationship with a man who:

• lied repeatedly about his own marriage
• was violent towards his ex wife
• caused my own dc to move out because of his behaviour
• threatened my friends, including threatening physical violence.

Obviously, no sensible woman would accept any of that.

& yet, here is my very good friend, in her late 40s & honestly, not a complete idiot, normally.

She genuinely thinks that 'It's all getting better'. In reality, her partner has reached an age where he's not likely to win pub brawls anymore, & he's no longer fighting with his ex because his kids are adults.

I'm not posting this as a positive thing - just to answer the question of how some women do find themselves with manifest arseholes.

It's not a case of dating an obvious twat. Not everyone has the radar...it should be taught.