I ruined her day

[Tanya4444]

I’m feeling like a shitty Mum.

I took my daughter to her new uni town today. Dropped her off at her new accommodation and helped her unpack. I’d been dreading it for weeks but had put on a brave face because I didn’t want to upset her. She’s been so excited.

Today was a day I should have been making her feel that I was happy and proud of her, celebrating her success and leaving her feeling secure and confident. Instead, I was a blubbering wreck. I was crying uncontrollably. I was so bloody emotional that she started crying too,

I needed to leave and she was just sobbing in her bed, alone in her new halls of residence, not knowing a soul.

I turned the whole day into a negative shit show and I hate myself for it. I really tried to hold it together but couldn’t.

I’m going to miss her so much and I’m so sad she’s gone but I’m proud of her and happy she’s making her way in the world.

I just wish I hadn’t behaved like that today :(

All the best op

We drop our son off today. I’ve been awake since 5 with stomach cramps. I feel sick with worry because his first year was disastrous but I have to believe it will get better.

As others have said, be glad you have a relationship where you can share your emotions, at least she’s in no doubt that she’s loved!!

I argued with DS when I dropped him off. He is quite hard work when he is stressed. It was awful.

You've done nothing wrong, you were emotional about your wee girl becoming an adult and moving on in her adult life. She'll forget about it in no time.

It must be lovely to have a mum who gives a shit, my mum always told me I wasn't wanted in the household and gave me filthy snide looks and comments as I packed my stuff up and moved out at 17. I know which reaction I'd have preferred!

Archer boy is now in his third year but is a mentor to some first years. They went out last week as a gaggle of first and third years on the same course but got separated from his peers, so was with the first years showing them the local night club. He said he felt like a dad. There will be friendly faces there and they will find their own tribe.

Ws it a given that you would react like this?

If so & someone else could have taken her it might have been nice for them to offer!

My eldest had a breakdown & had to go into a clinic.

I was not allowed to go with them!

You haven’t done anything wrong. We dropped dd off on Saturday. She’s a year older, and it really is the right step for her now. I will miss her, and I have, but tbh she needs to do this so much.
Your dd will have such an adventure.

@Rebelmcstreettuff
Poor ds. Could you contact the uni? There must be a mentor to help. Hope things get better

That does sound really unhelpful to your daughter and made it in to a sad situation for her. That's a shame.
At least you recognise that and have apologised.
It can't be undone now.

Perhaps you could go and visit in a few weeks and have a happier day, make positive, fun memories in the new location. I remember very clearly (years later) the day my parents dropped me off at uni, and their visits afterwards. It meant a lot that they came to visit me, it was reassuring.

@Doomscrolling

We drop our son off today. I’ve been awake since 5 with stomach cramps. I feel sick with worry because his first year was disastrous but I have to believe it will get better.

I hope he, and all the students have a better year this year- it was a truely awful experience for them last year and I felt nothing but sympathy. My 2 have long since left uni (as have I!) and I think we’d all have really struggled with what was happening last year. Good luck

You sound like a great mum. She will 100% know you're a great mum and will love you for it! Give her another few years and you'll be best friends and then you can cry about random shit together like my mum and I now.

I used to work as a supervisor in a Halls of Residence and this happened ALL THE TIME. I would say this happened with at least 50% of the students that were dropped off by their parents. We used to joke amongst ourselves that the students were just fine settling in, it was the parents that were the problem! So please don't worry, honestly so many of the mums (and some of the dads too) do this.

It’s sweet. Bless you. As long as you’ve texted her to say how proud you are and that your pleased for her then it’s ok. In time she will look back on that day fondly

We used to have boxes of tissues and bottles of water ready for the red eyed, sobbing, wobbly masses.... it was never the student intake only the parents!

Reminds me of when mine dropped me off.

I hardly noticed them go - so self absorbed!

But it's as it should be.

My Dd is like this how. I say - oh I'm going to miss you now the hols are over. She said Hm mum I think the truth is you'll miss me more than I miss you

🤣🤣

... and she's only 12 😢

When my parents dropped me off many moons ago they managed to hold it together in front of me.

Years later my dad admitted they had to park up a few miles out of the city so they could both have a good cry!

It still makes we well up 25 years later!

Thank you so much for all your lovely and supportive comments. They’ve really helped to cheer me up. Lots of reassurance that I haven’t ruined her day/life!!
JovialNickname – Now that is very reassuring!!! Thank you 😊
So many different experiences of this. I suppose everyone is different. Some people are much better at fighting back the tears/keeping their emotions in check. Some people are actually just glad their kids are moving on so they can focus on themselves for a change.
I suspect my Mum was glad to see the back of me, but I was trouble at that age!
Rebelmcstreetstuff, it will take time. It’s so bloody hard for them. I’d be nervous approaching new people in a strange place at my age, never mind as a teenager! So many of them will be making teary phone calls home. As Porridgealert said, once they make friends, they’ll stop calling and then we’ll be complaining they don’t bother with us 😉
Doomsscrolling, I really hope your son has a better time of things this year x
Hdhdjejdj – high emotions and stress are a perfect storm for arguments!
Diddl – that’s awful! It must have been a nightmare for you. Is he okay now?
BrilliantBetty, I’m going to go and visit my DD in a couple of weeks for some shopping/lunch.
Me and DD had a nice cheery phone call this morning, so I think it’s all good now. I had a little sob after I put the phone down, but she’ll never know.
So glad I posted on here. It’s made a world of difference x

Again - but with paragraphs!!

Thank you so much for all your lovely and supportive comments. They’ve really helped to cheer me up. Lots of reassurance that I haven’t ruined her day/life!!

JovialNickname – Now that is very reassuring!!! Thank you 😊

So many different experiences of this. I suppose everyone is different. Some people are much better at fighting back the tears/keeping their emotions in check. Some people are actually just glad their kids are moving on so they can focus on themselves for a change.

I suspect my Mum was glad to see the back of me, but I was trouble at that age!

Rebelmcstreetstuff, it will take time. It’s so bloody hard for them. I’d be nervous approaching new people in a strange place at my age, never mind as a teenager! So many of them will be making teary phone calls home. As Porridgealert said, once they make friends, they’ll stop calling and then we’ll be complaining they don’t bother with us 😉

Doomsscrolling, I really hope your son has a better time of things this year x

Hdhdjejdj – high emotions and stress are a perfect storm for arguments!

Diddl – that’s awful! It must have been a nightmare for you. Is he okay now?

BrilliantBetty, I’m going to go and visit my DD in a couple of weeks for some shopping/lunch.

Me and DD had a nice cheery phone call this morning, so I think it’s all good now. I had a little sob after I put the phone down, but she’ll never know.

So glad I posted on here. It’s made a world of difference x

Lots of love, it's so difficult and she will appreciate a Mum that will miss her!

Honestly, op you sound like a great mum.

Tell her you are sorry for crying etc, but these occasions are emotional. You haven't done anything wrong.

I would have loved to have had a mum like you. I took myself off to uni. No lift or goodbye. My mum packed up my room immediately and basically erased my existence. Your daughter will know how loved she is from your response to the occasion!!

Awww just genuine emotion. I would do the same when the time comes. I think it’s great she knows how much you care.

My daughter just started year one and I cried!

Lucky to have such a caring mum xxxx

I remember my mum being the same when she left me at uni. Even though I was also sad it actually meant the world to know how much they cared and would miss me, it definitely didn’t ruin my day. In fact that level of care spurred me on to get out of my room and make a success of things. I made friends with the girl I first met in our shared kitchen over an emotional hot chocolate and we are still friends 18 years on!