Is it ever possible to move past having the ick?

[AmIoverbeingmarried]

Little bit of background - been together 17 years married for 7, mortgaged home, 2 children aged 5 and 3, dog. Both work full time.

Lately I've been feeling we are more like brother and sister than husband and wife. Sex life is pretty non existent he initiates it but I either put him off or feel like I'm just going through the motions and I'm not that into it. I enjoy self pleasure just feel yuk with him. I miss sex.

I'm no longer attracted to him and generally as a person I think he is a bit spoiled and selfish. Also can be a bit controlling.

I can't pin point what has caused this change but its been like it for a few years. Put a lot down to PND and thought the house was too small after having 2nd child, we moved to a bigger home, wasn't exactly on same page with some of the renovation.

I've told him I'm not happy, he wants to work through it, says he thought we were forever and want our children to grow up with parents who are together. He's in love with me and still attracted to me so saying I'm unattracted to you just seems hurtful, so I've not told him that.

He has tried to change and has really pulled his weight around the house and does more with DC but I'm still unhappy.

If he touches me I feel my skin crawl, when I receive a text my eyes roll and I have a what do you want feeling. All the passion and excitement feelings are long gone.

I sometimes find myself delaying going home from work.

I've tried sparking some passion back up, going on dates, having more family days out, more action in the bedroom but it hasn't altered anything. I went away for a few days with DC to visit family and I didn't miss him.

So my question is when you have the ick is it ever possible to move past it or when it happens is it a sign the relationship done?

@MiniPiccolo i don't expect to stay just because I'm the mother, I know I've brought it on which is why I'm on the sofa.
I'm trying to be respectful as it's been a shock to him, so not pushing next steps chat but don't want to leave too long or he'll think we might get back together.

I'm planning to talk to my OH either tonight or tomorrow, depending on when he has work next.
I'm absolutely shatting myself as even tho we had a close call a couple months back, I don't think he'll expect me to say anything like this.

It's the summer and it'll give me time to get things together before me and the LOs are back at school.

He's the breadwinner and we have just recently bought a place, few years back, and I study so can't work full time so I'll be the one moving out, have no idea where yet as I have no family or friends.

I hope you're progressing through your situation OK @AmIoverbeingmarried . Has he wanted to talk more about the separation yet?

@Ithinkiminlimbo how did it go?

I spoke to him last night.
He exploded in the morning over something trivial that the DCs did and he said he's going to leave and I said, we'll leave then.
He didn't leave and me and the DCs had a nice day but they really picked up on his continued mood and even asked why I put up with it (they're teens)
So in the evening, after plucking up all my courage I sat by him and said I'm not happy with doing 'this' everyday (walking on eggshells, not communicating, him living alongside the family and not in it)
And he said he's also miserable and that he's knows i don't want to be with him.
We slept separately and he had to go into work today.

Now I have the task of sorting out the house and what's going to happen there. I'm guessing he'll keep it and get my name taken off and I can hopefully get the army to help with getting me housed somewhere as I want to have the dcs with me.

I don't think the "ick" is something that you can apply it here at all. It sounds like you've fallen out of love with him

@AmIoverbeingmarried AmIoverbeingmarried how did things work out for you?

I actually thought there was something wrong with me hormonally as I just didn't want to have sex with my husband anymore. I just stopped feeling attracted to him over the years. We split 2 years ago, and I've met someone new and it turns out there was nothing wrong with me after all 😉.
It is the scariest thing I've ever done, leaving him, but I'm so glad I had the courage. We're still good friends too.
Counselling maybe worth a try, we didn't think it would help. If the attraction is gone I'm not sure you can get that back.

Zombie thread.