Page 3 | Men - what would you do if you received this text

dedonde · 2021-09-16T16:57:04+00:00

So assuming you were single obviously… if you had hooked up with someone 2 weeks ago that you met at a party and weren’t that fussed about seeing them again but then received a text saying ‘round 2 this weekend?’ Would you go even if you weren’t that keen just for the sex? I want to send this to a guy but unsure how he will respond and terrified of him saying no [blush]

SandyY2K · 17/09/2021 00:27

You're not going to get many responses from men on Mumsnet. I'd post on a site which isn't predominantly women.

If you want to see him again, phrase it differently...however if he hasn't contacted you after 2 weeks...is he interested world be my thoughts.

Breakingmad · 17/09/2021 00:28

My good god. This thread is insane. Send the message and have a good shag. Presumably those who think it’s ‘ick’ have been married for 20 years.

Get your leg over and have fun. If he doesn’t reply, it’s not because you’re ‘desperate’ (and if you are desperate for sex then that sounds reasonable to me).

inininsomnia · 17/09/2021 00:54

What's all this sexist baloney about 'if he hasn't contacted you yet...'? One of them has to make the second move, doesn't have to be him.

Breakingmad · 17/09/2021 01:04

Sexist is exactly what it is,@inininsomnia

Wrong for wanting to have sex, wrong for texting him, wrong for not acting like a woman who pines over her man. Absolute bollocks.

Breakingmad · 17/09/2021 01:07

Generally speaking, if a man wants to repeat a ONS, he'll ask for your number at the time (if give you his) and will contact you, even minimally, after.

I’m also speaking as a woman who has had sex with a lot of men. What should a woman do if she’d like to repeat a ONS? Nothing? Wait for the man to come calling?

Self esteem issues?! Honest to Christ.

altmember · 17/09/2021 01:18

@dedonde

Okay, maybe not the best way to phrase it. Just want to ask him if he wants to have sex again, that’s all. And the reason I’m terrified is not because I want more than sex but because it would be a blow to my self esteem

As a man (who's never had a ONS, so maybe not the most experienced here lol), I think that message is fine, in the right circumstances. But you say you want more than sex, so don't try to draw him in with an offer of a casual thing as you'll most likely just end up getting hurt (or put him off if he wants something more).

Do you know that he definitely doesn't want more himself? If so you should probably leave it. If you do want to pursue him, then make it clear what you want, even if that's just to date a bit and see if anything develops. So ask him if he'd like to go out for a drink, meet up and do something (not just do you lol), and then take it from there.

SpidersAreShitheads · 17/09/2021 04:14

OP, this isn't the site if you want opinions from men - and as we've seen from a couple of male commenters here, their views are likely to be quite different.

Personally, I like your text. I think it's funny and to the point. If you're looking for a shag and nothing else, there's no point arsing around talking about drinks etc.

My only reservation is that you don't sound robust enough for a potential knock-back. Either you like him too much for just a casual shag, or you're not the kind of person who can deal with rejection well.

Personally, I'm shit at casual sex because I get emotionally involved. I know how I respond so I've always avoided casual hookups. But if it's your thing, there's no shame in wanting sex and enjoying it. Just stay safe while you're having fun.

girlmom21 · 17/09/2021 07:38

@lovescaca

Haha, I ask my partner and he said he would go. And what's the big deal if he says no 🤷🏼‍♀️

Congrats - you've got a real gent there...

Suprima · 17/09/2021 12:56

@5128gap It doesn’t matter if the women sending texts like this are attractive or unattractive. Men will literally have sex with a Big Mac. Men also know that they generally aren’t very special, so will wonder why the fuck this woman is doing the legwork to have sexual with him.

The result is an inflated ego. They’ll usually accept, because why not, but they aren’t going to think how self assured and confident and sexual she is- just ‘desperate’ for him.

Suprima · 17/09/2021 13:00

@Breakingmad

Sexist is exactly what it is,**@inininsomnia**

Wrong for wanting to have sex, wrong for texting him, wrong for not acting like a woman who pines over her man. Absolute bollocks.

She is pining though

She’s literally on mumsnet, doubting her words because if he says no it would damage herself esteem. This man has not approached her for ‘round 2’ and isn’t interested. If OP was his dream girl and it was an amazingly sexy experience he would be contacting her.

Stop making out that she is making a Big Feminist Choice by doing this. The actual feminist thing would be to work on her self esteem issues, and if she wants a casual shag then.

If the this local community cock could hurt her self confidence by saying ‘no’; then OP should deal with that

Gonnagetgoing · 17/09/2021 13:12

I personally wouldn’t send a text because I’d probably guess that he wasn’t interested after 2 weeks and would have contacted me sooner or suggested to meet up after the first time.

If you think a no will be blow to your self esteem then in my experience even more reason for not sending the text asking for sex. Nothing cheap etc in this case re sending it just in this context it does sound a bit cheap and desperate. And yes, most men would bite your hands off for NSA sex text!

There are loads of other men available on tinder etc for casual sex so what’s so special about this one?

I think you do want more than sex with him which is fine but in that case as someone else says, suggest a meal out, buy flowers etc and treat him as a human being not a piece of meat.

5128gap · 17/09/2021 13:26

[quote Suprima]**@5128gap* It doesn’t matter if the women sending texts like this are attractive or unattractive. Men will literally have sex with a Big Mac. Men also know that they generally aren’t very special, so will wonder why the fuck this woman is doing the legwork to have sexual with him.*

The result is an inflated ego. They’ll usually accept, because why not, but they aren’t going to think how self assured and confident and sexual she is- just ‘desperate’ for him.[/quote]
I think it matters hugely how attractive she is. Men don't tend to think attractive women are desperate. They know its easy for most women to get sex and that for attractive ones its like falling off a log. As for men sleeping with anyone, again, it depends on the man. Some men are good looking and have a lot of women interested in them. They wouldn't need to have sex with a woman they found unattractive just because she asked them to. Some men aren't so good looking, but think they are and aim high. Have you never seen men turn down and laugh at women they consider unattractive who they think are after them? Admittedly some are not choosy, but by no means all. I think the attractiveness of both the OP and the man she wants to text is a major factor in how this would be received.

burritofan · 17/09/2021 13:30

Just send the aubergine emoji followed by the spunk one like everyone else and stop overthinking it

Bluntness100 · 17/09/2021 13:32

Do you want more op? Offering him a shag isn’t going to make him want a relationship with you, I’m sorry, if he wished to see you again he’d reach out.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 17/09/2021 13:49

In order to protect yourself from rejection, I would start with sending something more innocuous on text, like hey how are you what are you up to this weekend? If he responds then you can be more certain there is some interest, and move the conversation along. And if there is no reply you've not exposed yourself to feeling too bad and you can just forget it.

Nowomenaroundeh · 17/09/2021 14:13

I dunno OP, I think the only circumstances in which you should send that text or if you genuinely don't care if he ignores it or not.

My bet would be that he will say something non committal, basically hedging his bets for a better offer as the moment he receives it he's gonna think you're desperate and nothing to get excited about. So you might end up in bed but you'll know he wasn't bothered.

Honestly I wouldn't. Look for a hook-up elsewhere if you're keen.

5128gap · 17/09/2021 14:18

I think the problem OP is that however many of us reply, be we women or men, we're not him, so have no way of knowing of he's going to reject you. You need to weigh up the risk against the potential benefits. How bad would you feel and is it worth risking? Personally if I thought it would damage my confidence to be rejected, I'd give it a miss as there's other options out there.

sammylady37 · 17/09/2021 14:32

Congrats - you've got a real gent there...

What’s ungentlemanly about a man saying that if he was single and a woman he’d had a one night stand with contacted him suggesting another encounter, he’d accept?

Consenting adults having sex- the horror!!
Surprised you didn’t use the word ‘grim’ in your post

DillonPanthersTexas · 17/09/2021 14:36

Just send the aubergine emoji followed by the spunk one like everyone else and stop overthinking it

What if you don't have s spunk emoji?

FrothyB · 17/09/2021 14:48

It could potentially work depending on the guy. Sadly, much like women, not all men are wired the same even if there are general trends in behaviour.

I wouldn't have called you after 2 weeks as I'd have been crippled by my own self doubt back in the day, especially if I was interested. "Fancy round 2" would likely have put me off though as I was never fussed about just sex, whereas I'm sure plenty of guys would jump at the chance of some.

I'm not the bloke in question though, you have far more insight into his personality than I do, so only you can guess if this approach will work.

FrothyB · 17/09/2021 14:54

@FrothyB

It could potentially work depending on the guy. Sadly, much like women, not all men are wired the same even if there are general trends in behaviour.

I wouldn't have called you after 2 weeks as I'd have been crippled by my own self doubt back in the day, especially if I was interested. "Fancy round 2" would likely have put me off though as I was never fussed about just sex, whereas I'm sure plenty of guys would jump at the chance of some.

I'm not the bloke in question though, you have far more insight into his personality than I do, so only you can guess if this approach will work.

I should add though, age is a factor here. In my 20's it would have put me off, as I was searching for a loving relationship and all that idealistic stuff.

If I were single now, I'd likely take a woman up on such an offer if I were free at the weekend.

As I say though, everyone is different.

Branleuse · 17/09/2021 15:21

i think if you want more than sex ultimately then that message certainly doesnt make that clear and sounds a bit vulgar. I might joke something like that to my partner but not someone who I didnt know how theyd take it.
I think id be more inclined to message "hey, are you free this weekend, do you fancy catching up for drinks or food or chat".
Nothing wrong with booty calls, but I think if you actually are potentially interested in getting to know him more than that, then thats nothing to be ashamed of and quite normal. You dont have to pretend youre a cool girl and ok with just casual sex, whilst secretely liking him more. You are worth more than you think you are

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 17/09/2021 16:47

@Breakingmad

Generally speaking, if a man wants to repeat a ONS, he'll ask for your number at the time (if give you his) and will contact you, even minimally, after.

I’m also speaking as a woman who has had sex with a lot of men. What should a woman do if she’d like to repeat a ONS? Nothing? Wait for the man to come calling?

Self esteem issues?! Honest to Christ.

Op specifically said she had self esteem issues.

I absolutely would, and have, texted guys after a ONS I'd like to repeat. If they've not responded I've gone "eh" and moved on. OP doesn't appear to be in that headspace, so my advice is based on what is best for HER in this particular situation, not on what would be good in an ideal society where women were not shamed for wanting sex or men expected to "make the first move" by virtue of having a penis.

You've only got to read some if these replies to see that slut shaming is alive and well, sadly.

sammylady37 · 17/09/2021 16:50

You've only got to read some if these replies to see that slut shaming is alive and well, sadly

Yes. It’s sad to see it, honestly. I’m amazed we haven’t yet had the ‘cool girls’ or ‘handmaidens’ insults thrown though. Or maybe we have, I’ve read so many threads today they’re blending into one!

leavesthataregreen · 17/09/2021 16:53

@dedonde

Okay, maybe not the best way to phrase it. Just want to ask him if he wants to have sex again, that’s all. And the reason I’m terrified is not because I want more than sex but because it would be a blow to my self esteem

If you are concerned about your self esteem (and it is good that you are) then don't go offering sex to someone who has ignored you since the last time. That is not the act of someone with healthy self-esteem. You know this.