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Original poster

Very confused

73 replies

Nobodyelsewill · 13/09/2021 23:00

Me and my partner have been on a break from each other for a while now, he has been messaging me a lot lately wanting us to get back together but I haven’t been certain I want too, but I did invite him to come for a chat Saturday evening, he messaged back he can but not for long as his dog will be left alone, I’m fed up with him always putting the dog first, he has all through the relationship it’s one of the reasons we went on a break. Not sure what I want anymore.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 13/09/2021 23:07

I think you know fine well what you want. It's just he keeps pestering you for another chance. And unfortunately, society has largely conditioned women to put men's desires before their own needs.

It wasn't working before and it seems like nothing has changed with him.

Stop flogging a dead horse. You know it doesn't work.

Choose you.

Dery · 13/09/2021 23:13

You've gone through the upheaval of splitting up (that's what a break is, really). I think you not being sure you want to get back together really translates as - you don't want to get back together with him, doesn't it?

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 13/09/2021 23:19

But am I been unfair about the dog?

OP posts:
Underpaidsnackbitch · 13/09/2021 23:20

Is there a reason why the dog can't be left for a few hours in the evening. Can he bring the dog? What's the back story here?

lynntheyresexpeople · 13/09/2021 23:21

I'll be brutally honest - I'm married, and I love my DH to bits. But, other than my dc, my cat comes next in pecking order, and If anyone moaned at me about her, or complained about the time I spent with her, they'd be gone. I think YABU about the dog, yes.
But if you aren't an animal person, you won't understand the bond and attachment that forms. Honestly when the day comes that I lose my cat, I don't know what I'll do.

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 13/09/2021 23:26

@Underpaidsnackbitch

Is there a reason why the dog can't be left for a few hours in the evening. Can he bring the dog? What's the back story here?
Because he panders to him all the time everything is about the dog, no the dog can't come to mine as it is out of control and not trained.
OP posts:
CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 13/09/2021 23:27

I don't think op would mind the dog if it didn't come between a perfectly normal evening in an adults company. You can't discuss the future of your relationship if the clock is ticking like a taxi meter on when it has to be wrapped up. If I was hanging onto my relationship by my fingernails and was offered the chance to come and talk I'd find a sitter for the dog for one bloody evening. Salvaging this relationship is less important than his dog being alone for a couple of hours or making arrangements so it isn't. Time to call it a day I think. I say that as someone who has had 3 dogs in my life each one was the apple of my eye.

waybill · 13/09/2021 23:27

Yes, people are attached to their animals, but when it comes to not being able to leave them for more than an hour or two, there's something wrong somewhere.

This person thinks their dog is more important than trying to save their relationship with the OP. Doesn't bode well, does it?

Pinkbonbon · 13/09/2021 23:37

@Nobodyelsewill

But am I been unfair about the dog?
You might as well ask:

'But am I being unfair to be annoyed at something that really annoys me?'

You have every right to feel how you feel. They are your feelings. You dont have yo justify or excuse them. They are perfectly valid.

You dont just have to put up and shut up with treatment you dont like.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/09/2021 23:40

Fuck's sake, why are you continuing to waste your time? End it already.

TedMullins · 13/09/2021 23:41

Clearly this isn’t working for you so YANBU to end the relationship or feel like it isn’t right.

Whether you’re being unreasonable about the dog is difficult to say without more context. Some dogs have separation anxiety and aren’t good at being left alone. Is the dog really untrained and out of control as in, jumping around and pissing everywhere, or do you just not want it in your house? I know that if a new partner moaned about my dog I would be inclined to choose my dog and ditch the date…

lynntheyresexpeople · 13/09/2021 23:42

I apologise op - I completely misread this.
I thought you had an issue with the dog in general being there.

No, YANBU at all. If he can't leave the dog for a couple hours to talk, he's not worth your time at all.

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 13/09/2021 23:45

@TedMullins

Clearly this isn’t working for you so YANBU to end the relationship or feel like it isn’t right.

Whether you’re being unreasonable about the dog is difficult to say without more context. Some dogs have separation anxiety and aren’t good at being left alone. Is the dog really untrained and out of control as in, jumping around and pissing everywhere, or do you just not want it in your house? I know that if a new partner moaned about my dog I would be inclined to choose my dog and ditch the date…

It constantly jumps on the sofa we would never be able to talk about us, he would be all over the house and he would be running after him.
OP posts:
Underpaidsnackbitch · 13/09/2021 23:46

@nobodyelsewill I wouldn't want an out of control dog in my home either, and I'm a dog lover, so I don't blame you at all.
It sounds like you're coming in second place to the dog. If he wanted to sort things out he would find a way, e.g. leave for a few hours or get someone to watch the dog.
If this has been an ongoing problem then I wouldn't imagine it would change unless he addresses the issues, and / or sorts out the dogs behavioural issues. Has he made any attempt to do this?

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 13/09/2021 23:49

[quote Underpaidsnackbitch]@nobodyelsewill I wouldn't want an out of control dog in my home either, and I'm a dog lover, so I don't blame you at all.
It sounds like you're coming in second place to the dog. If he wanted to sort things out he would find a way, e.g. leave for a few hours or get someone to watch the dog.
If this has been an ongoing problem then I wouldn't imagine it would change unless he addresses the issues, and / or sorts out the dogs behavioural issues. Has he made any attempt to do this?[/quote]
No he hasn't I've spoke to him about getting him trained but he says it's to late, the dog is three so I don't agree with that.

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 13/09/2021 23:50

"The dog can't come to mine, it's out of control and not trained"...

Is this the kind of man you are looking for in life OP?

Subsitute kids (if you want them) for the dog and you have your answer.

To me it sounds like a man not willing to take responsibility for his own life.
Cos pets are like children. You have to take care of them. That means discipling them too.

PhoenixIsFlying · 13/09/2021 23:52

My dogs are like my children. I do also have children. I wouldn't want to leave my dogs for too long. I think it's better that he cares about his dogs welfare than not.

Underpaidsnackbitch · 13/09/2021 23:55

It isn't too late for him to train the dog, that's nonsense. It sounds like he can't be arsed to put any effort in, either with you or the dog. You could have another 10 years of this, depending on the breed.

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 13/09/2021 23:59

@Underpaidsnackbitch

It isn't too late for him to train the dog, that's nonsense. It sounds like he can't be arsed to put any effort in, either with you or the dog. You could have another 10 years of this, depending on the breed.
I wouldn't be able to put up with another 10 years of that! Constantly been jumped on he gives me bruises on my legs.
OP posts:
Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 14/09/2021 00:03

@Iflyaway

"The dog can't come to mine, it's out of control and not trained"...

Is this the kind of man you are looking for in life OP?

Subsitute kids (if you want them) for the dog and you have your answer.

To me it sounds like a man not willing to take responsibility for his own life.
Cos pets are like children. You have to take care of them. That means discipling them too.

I've never looked at it in that way, but it all makes sense.
OP posts:
Underpaidsnackbitch · 14/09/2021 00:03

I wouldn't be able to put up with another 10 years of that! Constantly been jumped on he gives me bruises on my legs

@Nobodyelsewill I think that answers your quandary for you. Time to move onFlowers

QueenBee52 · 14/09/2021 00:05

@Aquamarine1029

Fuck's sake, why are you continuing to waste your time? End it already.

Yip 🎉

Pinkbonbon · 14/09/2021 00:07

Yeah basically he is a lazy, irresponsible dog owner who doesn't give a shit about his girlfriends right to feel comfortable in her own home.

Sounds like he expects you to bend over backwards for him and yet, doesn't care a bit about making life better for you. Or his dog really for that matter, because if he actually cared, he would train it.

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 14/09/2021 00:14

@Pinkbonbon

Yeah basically he is a lazy, irresponsible dog owner who doesn't give a shit about his girlfriends right to feel comfortable in her own home.

Sounds like he expects you to bend over backwards for him and yet, doesn't care a bit about making life better for you. Or his dog really for that matter, because if he actually cared, he would train it.

I've said that to him we've argued loads about it.
OP posts:
SandyY2K · 14/09/2021 00:20

No need for more arguments. Just make the break permanent and be done. He'll always put the dog before you.

He'll end up putting it before any kids you may have in the future.

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