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Original poster

Very confused

73 replies

Nobodyelsewill · 13/09/2021 23:00

Me and my partner have been on a break from each other for a while now, he has been messaging me a lot lately wanting us to get back together but I haven’t been certain I want too, but I did invite him to come for a chat Saturday evening, he messaged back he can but not for long as his dog will be left alone, I’m fed up with him always putting the dog first, he has all through the relationship it’s one of the reasons we went on a break. Not sure what I want anymore.

OP posts:
Daisy1812 · 14/09/2021 21:56

If you love someone you move mountains not make excuses. If you haven’t got financial ties or children better off out now.

Daisy1812 · 14/09/2021 22:01

That staring thing is weird unless you’re both into that sort of thing.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 14/09/2021 22:01

Eugh. This is like the distended between laughing with someone and laughing atsomeone. If he is visibly getting turned on but you are an object and not a participant it's creepy. If it was mutual so he engaged with you, it would be different. So say you are showing something intimate, he looks to see if you've noticed, you both realise that he's seen and your enjoying the attention, then you both enjoy turning the other on/being turned on by someone who is deliberately flirting by giving you a cheeky look... But just salivating and getting off on copping am eyeful while you try to read your book or whatever is ick

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 14/09/2021 22:02

Distended =difference. 🙄

SophieHMS · 14/09/2021 22:05

He's a creep and a selfish bore without empathy.

Anordinarymum · 14/09/2021 22:05

For God's sake woman get a grip. I feel sorry for the dog

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 14/09/2021 22:06

@Daisy1812

That staring thing is weird unless you’re both into that sort of thing.
No I'm definitely not in to this sort of thing.
OP posts:
Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 14/09/2021 22:07

@Anordinarymum

For God's sake woman get a grip. I feel sorry for the dog
What do you mean?
OP posts:
FreshFreesias · 14/09/2021 22:10

If you don’t like dogs then it’s a dealbreaker.

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 14/09/2021 22:11

@FreshFreesias

If you don’t like dogs then it’s a dealbreaker.
I do like dogs well behaved ones.
OP posts:
Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 15/09/2021 08:53

@Anordinarymum

For God's sake woman get a grip. I feel sorry for the dog
Can you explain what you mean please I feel sorry for the dog too it's not his fault he has a lazy owner.
OP posts:
Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 15/09/2021 08:56

@CleopatrasBeautifulNose

Eugh. This is like the distended between laughing with someone and laughing atsomeone. If he is visibly getting turned on but you are an object and not a participant it's creepy. If it was mutual so he engaged with you, it would be different. So say you are showing something intimate, he looks to see if you've noticed, you both realise that he's seen and your enjoying the attention, then you both enjoy turning the other on/being turned on by someone who is deliberately flirting by giving you a cheeky look... But just salivating and getting off on copping am eyeful while you try to read your book or whatever is ick
I get what your saying, just wondered if other people's husbands/partners do this?
OP posts:
CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 15/09/2021 11:08

Definitely not.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 15/09/2021 11:16

To elaborate, just to try to give you a good sense of what people who maintain strong healthy relationships would consider to be normal, as I think this is what you're seeking... I would struggle to envisage anyone with good sense of self respect entering a long term relationship with someone who does this.
Not one single man I know in a healthy relationship would dream of doing this.
In fact, of all the men I choose to have in my life as friends or partners of friends (and there are a fairly large number) I would put huge sums of money on them also finding this to be hugely creepy and the type of thing only a man who has no sense of his partner having a value and being a person worthy of respect in their own right would do.

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 15/09/2021 13:46

@CleopatrasBeautifulNose

To elaborate, just to try to give you a good sense of what people who maintain strong healthy relationships would consider to be normal, as I think this is what you're seeking... I would struggle to envisage anyone with good sense of self respect entering a long term relationship with someone who does this. Not one single man I know in a healthy relationship would dream of doing this. In fact, of all the men I choose to have in my life as friends or partners of friends (and there are a fairly large number) I would put huge sums of money on them also finding this to be hugely creepy and the type of thing only a man who has no sense of his partner having a value and being a person worthy of respect in their own right would do.
Thankyou you've made me realise it's not normal, at the time I just shrugged it off but felt a bit violated and haven't really stopped thinking about it since.
OP posts:
CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 15/09/2021 18:36

Your instincts seem pretty well tuned and spot on to me. You need to listen to your inner voice and switch off your self doubt as much as possible. Trust your gut, most sensible organ in the body! Flowers

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 15/09/2021 18:49

@CleopatrasBeautifulNose

Your instincts seem pretty well tuned and spot on to me. You need to listen to your inner voice and switch off your self doubt as much as possible. Trust your gut, most sensible organ in the body! Flowers
I Just can't believe I didn't leave him back then when he did it 🙄
OP posts:
Rainbowshine · 15/09/2021 18:50

I think it helps to think about his actions, who actually gets the real benefit from that? So the gifts, they are to disguise the real deal, like the introductory offers you get that aren’t really good offers or when timeshare companies say come for a lovely day free food and meet our other owners and then when you get there it’s a hard sell, the food is a tiny packet of biscuits and the water fountain and they won’t let you go until you sign up and pay money.

He’s never put your needs or preferences first.

He’s not listening to you when you’ve said what the problem is and doesn’t change how he’s dealing with the dog.

He’s made you very uncomfortable with the lips thing which is really horrible and pervy.

Block him on everything and do not think for a moment he’s ever going to be the man you want him to be.

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 15/09/2021 20:24

@Rainbowshine

I think it helps to think about his actions, who actually gets the real benefit from that? So the gifts, they are to disguise the real deal, like the introductory offers you get that aren’t really good offers or when timeshare companies say come for a lovely day free food and meet our other owners and then when you get there it’s a hard sell, the food is a tiny packet of biscuits and the water fountain and they won’t let you go until you sign up and pay money.

He’s never put your needs or preferences first.

He’s not listening to you when you’ve said what the problem is and doesn’t change how he’s dealing with the dog.

He’s made you very uncomfortable with the lips thing which is really horrible and pervy.

Block him on everything and do not think for a moment he’s ever going to be the man you want him to be.

I just feel upset about it all, and really thought he was the one, he seemed so different to others I've met I even said to friends he's to nice.
OP posts:
Daisy1812 · 15/09/2021 21:42

Thinking about it… maybe he thinks that may turn you on? He may not be the bad guy that is being made out. Perhaps needs a conversation to find out why he did it? Lack of communication kills most ok relationships….

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 15/09/2021 22:00

Some things are judged differently if cast in a different light, such as enquiring about his motives or logic behind some misunderstood deed. Other things are shit whichever way you slice and dice it. The getting on turned with op as the object is one of those. No grown man worth his salt does that. My own young son would think that was a dick move. This is not an 'ok' relationship that a good discussion will just reveal all its true beauty so op can soldier on while the ick factor gets stronger but is pushed deeper down.
Unless op wants a lifetime of trying to silence her inner voice. Plenty of people have done it before, so, y'know - it's a choice.

Original poster
Nobodyelsewill · 15/09/2021 22:45

@Daisy1812

Thinking about it… maybe he thinks that may turn you on? He may not be the bad guy that is being made out. Perhaps needs a conversation to find out why he did it? Lack of communication kills most ok relationships….
I don't think so, thinking about it he always seemed to have a pervy side to him, he would often get turned on by me just staring at my down below, he would get an erection, never had a man do that before.
OP posts:
Original poster
nobodyelsewill · 17/09/2021 20:33

Also we was at my friends birthday party once and her daughter walked into the room wearing a very short skirt of course my partner noticed her, but then when she walked back out my partner proceeded to turn his head round and look her up and down I felt disgusted as he's old enough to be her dad, just wondering if I've been dating a pervert for the last two years.

OP posts:
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