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Original poster

Big age gap, would you date?

77 replies

GooodMythicalMorning · 12/09/2021 23:00

Recently a guy has shown interest in me, bought me a birthday present and asked me out for coffee (we haven't been out yet.) We have loads in common and chat for ages when we bump into each other but there is a big age gap, possibly 20 years (I haven't asked but when he found out how old I was on my birthday he commented he was old enough to be my dad.) He's not my normal type but seems super sweet. I'm just not sure if age will be a problem. Im mid 30s.

OP posts:
Original poster
GooodMythicalMorning · 12/09/2021 23:02

Oh and he has 1 child about the same age as my dc.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 12/09/2021 23:03

He will be retired when you're in your prime career mode. If that's not a problem then crack on.

I will say older guys can be a lot better in bed. More experienced!

seensome · 12/09/2021 23:51

Doesn't seem your that into him if he's not your usual type and a lot older, it's ok to say no thanks, it's nice to have an admirer but don't feel you have to go out with him.
I wouldn't date someone that much older as I know for sure I wouldn't find them attractive but everyone's different.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/09/2021 23:53

I haven't asked but when he found out how old I was on my birthday he commented he was old enough to be my dad

The fact he made that comment would have given me the ick. Instantly. Hard pass for that alone.

Original poster
GooodMythicalMorning · 12/09/2021 23:53

I really like him and find myself drawn to him, I've never dated anyone more than 5 years older than me before.

OP posts:
overnightangel · 12/09/2021 23:54

Go for a coffee and see how you get on 🤷🏻‍♀️

sunnyzweibrucken · 12/09/2021 23:55

More than ten yrs is a no go for me. Plus he even said he’s old enough to be your dad. That would never leave my mind.

DramaAlpaca · 12/09/2021 23:58

Nope. I've a couple of friends with partners 20 or so years older. Now they are in their 50s/60s and the men are approaching their 80s the age gap is really starting to show.

Also, the dad comment would put me off immediately.

Lentil63 · 13/09/2021 00:11

Sounds to me like you want to give this a try. I would rather spend a short and beautiful time with someone rather than a lifetime with someone who left my heart empty. Age is just a number. What is stopping you?

MrsBerthaRochester · 13/09/2021 00:16

No way. I have a friend who has dropped hints about us being more than that. He is 17 years older than me but looks wise it seems a larger age gap. To me he is an old man and I don't find him physically attractive at all. I much prefer younger men. They don't need pills to get an erection.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 13/09/2021 00:22

He's probably hoping you have daddy issues so you'll date him - which is why he reminded you he could be your dad.

MMmomDD · 13/09/2021 01:01

If you wanted to do some casual dating - sure, why not.
If he filthy rich - same (joking obv)
But otherwise - not sure why you’d actively chose a potential partner with such an age difference.
There is a reason he isn’t going after a woman in her 70s…. And when you are his age (mid 50s) - you’d also not want to have a partner that age.

Guineapigbridge · 13/09/2021 03:23

Why not? He could be great. What 'baggage' does he come with? Kids? Ex? Health issues?

There's no one perfect out there but he could be your perfect.

GreyCarpet · 13/09/2021 06:34

I wouldn't. I'm in my mid 40s and find that most men, however they appear or come across, are very much becoming 'old men' in their 50s either mentally, socially or physically.

Not only that, I can't get past the sleaziness of men targeting women young enough to be their daughter. I was recently approached by a man i know who is 19 years older than me. I was offended 🤣

And, no, age isn't 'just a number'. It can feel like that when you're the younger person but in reality it's a lifetime; years of experience.

I had a brief fling with someone 20 years my junior and I can assure you the age difference was definitely not just a number!!

ILikeYourHair · 13/09/2021 06:44

Nope!
Absolutely not!

Sakurami · 13/09/2021 07:05

Way too old for you.

ED81 · 13/09/2021 07:07

I’d go for a coffee. What have you got to lose? Don’t dismiss him because of age.

givinglessfucksdaily · 13/09/2021 07:10

I think when it's new and someone is quite interesting .. it's difficult to rationalise an issue like this age gap
Maybe you need to date this one and see how it goes .. mention the music you like / kind of holidays you fancy in the future / hobbies you enjoy / spend some time
In his company and just see how it feels ?
You may decide early on that he's not " the one " then his age doesn't matter
Be honest with yourself and just have fun .. revisit this if you get " the feels "
Have fun !

mysterybag · 13/09/2021 07:11

I'm dating a guy 12 years younger but on a very casual basis and I find that there is a bit of a generation gap in some ways. However I can second the previous poster who mentioned that older guys are better in bed!

mysterybag · 13/09/2021 07:12

Older! 12 years older not younger Blush

LizziesTwin · 13/09/2021 07:21

Don’t use up your good dating years on someone who isn’t a potential long term partner. You don’t say whether you have children or not or whether you’d like to have them, but think about it.

TheVanguardSix · 13/09/2021 07:24

Nope! I speak from experience. I'm mid-divorce from my older husband who groomed me into 'carer' role years ago.
Older men have a big agenda and for this reason, I'd advise you to give this guy the massive swerve. And sex will suck very quickly, believe me.

litterbird · 13/09/2021 07:37

A cautionary tale from a very good friend of mine....married her man who was 20 years older than she was when she was mid 30s. She is a vivacious mid 50s woman who would run marathons, theatre trips, lunches out with friends. Now, (with paid help )she is a carer for her mid 70s husband who has dementia and needs almost 24/7 care. She is devastated about this and quietly regrets not listening to her parents and friends who warned her about dating then marrying someone with such an age gap. She is on anti depressants, gave up her career to help her husband. I wouldn't go for a coffee or anything with this man....he is too old for you. There are many men around your age to find.

Joystir59 · 13/09/2021 07:43

Didn't the dad comment make your skin crawl op? I think you are his fantasy. Yuck.

GreyCarpet · 13/09/2021 07:43

Put it this way, if he's mid 50s then he's too old for me and I'm 10 years older than you!

I have a male friend who is 57. Attractive, interesting, intelligent, youthful in his outlook... still wouldn't consider him because, to me, he's an old man!