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Original poster

Big age gap, would you date?

77 replies

GooodMythicalMorning · 12/09/2021 23:00

Recently a guy has shown interest in me, bought me a birthday present and asked me out for coffee (we haven't been out yet.) We have loads in common and chat for ages when we bump into each other but there is a big age gap, possibly 20 years (I haven't asked but when he found out how old I was on my birthday he commented he was old enough to be my dad.) He's not my normal type but seems super sweet. I'm just not sure if age will be a problem. Im mid 30s.

OP posts:
Original poster
GooodMythicalMorning · 13/09/2021 07:46

Thanks, this is what I needed. I think the age might be a problem too which is a shame as he'd have been great otherwise.

OP posts:
Original poster
GooodMythicalMorning · 13/09/2021 07:48

The dad comment wasnt said in a sleazy way, more like he'd voiced a realisation. He too may be having doubts.

OP posts:
IAmASpiderPlant · 13/09/2021 07:54

@GooodMythicalMorning

The dad comment wasnt said in a sleazy way, more like he'd voiced a realisation. He too may be having doubts.
I doubt he's having doubts.

Many men like the idea of dating a woman young enough to be their daughter.

ED81 · 13/09/2021 08:48

You are overthinking this. It’s one possible. Not marriage! Go see. Then decide.

ED81 · 13/09/2021 08:48

*one possible date.

Wallywobbles · 13/09/2021 10:46

When I started dating in my early 40s I was appalled by the age of some of the men in their 60s & 70s looking to hook up with me.

I did not want to be anyone's carer.

If you are still working for 20 years of their retirement what do you think that would look like?

SleepingBunnies21 · 13/09/2021 10:51

I will say older guys can be a lot better in bed. More experienced!

Fk, i was that was the case in my experience!

I've been with two older men and both were abysmal in bed.

Joystir59 · 13/09/2021 10:54

As regards whether or not someone is good in bed, surely a blanket statement 'older men are better in bed' is just ridiculous.

Chunkymenrock · 13/09/2021 10:56

If you like him, see how it goes. Attraction is not about someone's age. It's far more than that.

SleepingBunnies21 · 13/09/2021 10:57

The other thing is that, although there are a small number of decent men whose relationships have broken down for reasons not related to their behaviour; that's not the case for many divorced and separated men. Women generally don't end marriages with the father of their kids without very good reason; you'd probably encounter the reason/s why he is single if you got yo know him properly in a relationship. Anyone can seem nice without in depth knowledge of them.

notthemum · 13/09/2021 11:04

Sorry NO. When I was around 20 I got together with a much older guy. (Turned out he actually knew my dad when they were kids). We did have a laugh (for a while). (He was amazing in bed). But went things blew up, they certainly did.

Rainbowqueeen · 13/09/2021 11:07

Nope
I would be wary of his motives and I think men who are interested in much younger women are generally unattractive

SleepingBunnies21 · 13/09/2021 11:09

He was amazing in bed

Sad

My first older man had a small.dick, erectile dysfunction and didn't know where a clitoris is.

My second older man had a small dick, something approaching premature ejaculation, did minimal foreplay, and didn't know where a clitoris is.

SleepingBunnies21 · 13/09/2021 11:10

Also if I didn't want to have sex, he would get irritable and sometimes go and wank loudly within earshot.

Lovemusic33 · 13/09/2021 11:20

For me it would be a no, I have dated a few older men and my ex husband was 14 years older. Just look ten years ahead, chances are he will then have health issues whilst you will be in your prime. He will probably need viagra to please you in the bedroom and when you are seen out with him you will look like his daughter.

I was dating someone a while ago who lied to me about his age, I kind of guessed so I looked him up online (stalking) and I was right, he was 55 and I was 37, he didn’t look his age but he was pretty boring, had a different taste in music and we didn’t really have anything in common, of course I stopped dating him for the simple fact he had lied but it wouldn’t have worked anyway. I’m now thinking I need someone younger than me, if you think about it life expectancy for a female is longer than a male so it makes sense to go for a younger man 🤣

JudgeRindersMinder · 13/09/2021 11:27

I’d give it a chance to be honest. Why pass up on what could be a good thing because of the year he was born?

Dozer · 13/09/2021 11:31

Wouldn’t date, no. Primarily due to age related risks of his ill health etc impacting negatively on me/my SC.

Far easier to avoid a relationship from the start and seek someone else than to leave a relationship once feelings are involved etc.

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 13/09/2021 11:42

Would have had a fling (in the days when men 20 years older than me were young enough) but not a serious relationship.

Age is not a number. Weight is not a number. Marriage is not a piece of paper. Numbers are a handy way to measure things that exist, and pin down those who are less than honest.

Jackthementalkitten · 13/09/2021 11:48

Are you a Rhett and link fan OP? My daughters dad was 10 years older. Never again. Used too refer too me as a ‘nasty little child’and various other comments. I know that’s not the norm, he thought he had a major sense of power because he was older. I’ve stuck with younger since.

BustaVella · 13/09/2021 11:53

I wouldn’t, no. But plenty do. If you don't care then you don't need the opinions of strangers. The fact your asking indicates doubt so listen to it.

KeepSmiling89 · 13/09/2021 11:54

Hi OP.
No issue with the age gap...my DH is 18 years older than me. We've known each other for 13 years, together nearly 7 years, married nearly 4 years and expecting our first baby in a couple of months. For info, I'm 32. We're aware of the age gap, but we have similar values, likes, dislikes etc and we love each other very much.
The only off-putting thing is the old enough to be your dad comment that's obviously in his mind. However, it's just a date...you're not committing yourself to anything serious. Just spend time together as friends even. You'll soon get an idea if you want it to go further.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/09/2021 12:14

@Aquamarine1029

I haven't asked but when he found out how old I was on my birthday he commented he was old enough to be my dad

The fact he made that comment would have given me the ick. Instantly. Hard pass for that alone.

This. Bleurgh 🤢
Fireflygal · 13/09/2021 13:03

Don’t use up your good dating years on someone who isn’t a potential long term partner

This x 100. You don't realise that your 30s are the best time. Why go for an older man?

What is his relationship history?

Original poster
GooodMythicalMorning · 13/09/2021 16:18

Thanks, this has been useful. I will prob meet but Im thinking the fact it keeps coming up in my head that he is older is probably a sign that he isn't right for me.

OP posts:
AnaViaSalamanca · 13/09/2021 16:28

most men, however they appear or come across, are very much becoming 'old men' in their 50s either mentally, socially or physically.

This.

Don’t want to make a blanket generalisation, but on average women in their 50s and 60s take care of themselves more physically, keep up with the world, are outgoing, vivacious, active, and interesting. Men, not so much at all

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