Tinder- is this guy just after sex?

[pyramidhead]

I joined Tinder recently and have been chatting to a man for a little while.
At first he was a little flirty and generally he seemed nice, we both have camper vans so we had a bit in common. First he mentioned meeting somewhere with our vans for a trip but I didn't do it as seemed a bit much. I'm quite shy initially and terrible at flirting.
He has suggested coming to my house but I won't do that. I don't want a "hook up" but haven't exactly said as much.
I did say this weekend I may be around our local city, he just said tell him where and he'd be there. However as the night progressed (Friday), he messaged at 11pm saying he could come tuck me in bed, then saying he'd be around if I want attention, he's no harm just horny!
I said I was no good at those apps he said oh they're just fun and gave me his number.
Well I haven't rang him, as this sexual stuff has put me off. I'm not sure how to proceed.
He seems nice apart from this but I'm worried about what his expectations will be and I don't really know what to say now.
Any advice?
Sorry if I seem really naive 😬

He’s definitely just in for that, yes.

Yep-he’s just after sex.

Does he just want sex? Yes

If he didn't he would have suggested an actual date.

Yes he's just after sex, this is good that he's shown you early on before meeting. Some of them put on a good act and then jump on you on the date. So be aware of those types as well!

11pm? Yes hook up only.

However as the night progressed (Friday), he messaged at 11pm saying he could come tuck me in bed, then saying he'd be around if I want attention

He sounds like the thirsty kind who would be like ‘let’s see 😉’ if you say you’re having a shower, or offer to come ‘give you a massage’ if you say you’ve got a sore back or are tired.

It would give me the ick

He couldn’t really have made it much clearer that he’s just after sex.

Definitely just sex, I had someone drive to the town I live at 11pm didn't know he was coming till he told me he was here 😱 did meet him for car sex which was amazing so pretty glad it did 😅😅

Yeah, it seems like that's all he wants. I think a lot of men see tinder basically as free sex with no need to plan a nice date or even be considerate in bed. If you don't want that, I'd ignore him from now on.

It's tinder. That's basically what it's for.

Just wants a shag.

He is on Tinder, a hook up site, of course he wants sex.

I think it’s a good thing his made it clear he just wants sex, better than being manipulative and then dumping you.

Now you know you can make a decision on if you want to or not.

Yeah it definitely seems he just wants sex. Guess it'd be fun but I'm not keen at this point really.
I'm not enjoying Tinder at all, I thought it was not just for hook ups, but from what I have read now that does seem to be the case. I know couples who met on there so that sort of spurred me on.
Guess there's nothing wrong with hook ups if that's what you're after.
I did suggest a coffee at some point earlier which he just sort of ignored so that says it all really. The words "horny" and "fun" are quite clear i suppose! Oh well :/

I would steer clear on tinder and try out Hinge. Less of a hook up app. And I would (& did) specify I wanted a relationship to wheedle out the casual creeps. Any whiff of that & I unmatched.

This guy is clearly only after sex and doesn’t sound nice at all.. if they have to say they’re harmless… alarm bells.

Yes, I agree. I don't think he's for me. I haven't bothered to message him, just going to leave it. I don't want to be drawn into some casual sex thing. And yes he shouldn't really have to say that thing about being harmless...
Maybe I'll get off Tinder and try Hinge. There must be someone nice around somewhere!

I met my husband on tinder 😂 we were both looking for a committed relationship and didn't realise tinder was for just one nights stands

I've done a lot of OLD and I think it's really disrespectful to make any comments about sex before you've even met someone.

I would move on.

Yeah he did end up messaging again in a more conversational way, maybe he was drunk or something before. I'll see how it goes.
OLD is certainly a bit of a minefield!

If someone is the right person for you, you won't be questioning whether they are wanting something different from what you want. You will feel that you are on the same page.

So, really, even the fact that you're asking the question is all you need to tell you to step away from this one.

Yes OP.
This is very common on Tinder, POF etc. If you want something different, be prepared for a long wait - or try switching to an actual dating agency or app that is more for people who are looking for more than sex/hook-ups.

OLD is partly a numbers game. Move on without giving him a second thought.

Yeah, I can't be bothered with it all anyway really. It's a lot of effort and energy isn't it. Guess im not desperate. The right one will come along if he's meant to :)

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

It's tinder. That's basically what it's for.

Not anymore. Maybe it's a local thing, but I know 2 couples who married after meeting on tinder and a bunch of other stable long term relationships that started that way, mine included.

That being said, tinder is still mostly thirsty dudes looking for an easy lay and OP's dude is obviously one of those.

Well I haven't rang him, as this sexual stuff has put me off.

Good for you.
His suggestions to go away in your vans or come round to your house are madness. You have absolutely no idea who he is - apart from he is a random on the 'net who wants to have sex with women he knows nothing about. Flattering! Not.

You already know enough about him to avoid & block. He asked you to meet him, without a moment's thought to your own comfort & security. What kind of a man do you think he is - to not consider a woman's need for safety first?