Why have I allowed myself to be treated like this by someone I don’t even have feelings for?

[Imstupidandugly]

I made a fucking list tonight of the shitty things the man (24) I’m “seeing” has done since we started hooking up. Three weeks ago he asked whether I wanted to “go official” but he’s not changed his behavior at all.

We’ve only been sleeping together 4 months. He took me on a date last week and seems to be “stepping up” a bit, but not really,

Here’s the list:

1. I accidentally hurt him once in a play fight and he ignored me for a week even though I apologised about 4 times. Eventually when I saw him next in person he laughed about it and said “I wasn’t bothered, I wanted to see how long I could go without speaking to you”
2. Asking for a hug and he refused saying “who’s got the power now?”
3. Saying things like “I flirt with everyone” / “let’s see if I can get any number tonight”
4. We were cuddling and stuff and I said “can’t believe I’ve not had sex for a week” (referring back to the time we had last he sex) he replied “I had sex three days ago.” When I asked who with he said himself (wtf)
5. He lay in bed with me cuddling me liking pictures of other girls
6. ... this wouldn’t be so bad, but he refused to follow me on it, saying I would be “stalkerish”
7. He told me three weeks ago that he was getting an STI check because he gets one every three months... even though he says he’s only slept with me
8. There was a condom wrapper open in his room when I hadn’t been there for weeks... he said he used it to jerk off with
9. He makes comments about people we work with saying stuff like “oh Jessie asked us for a threesone” obviously because he fancies her... and she doesn’t ask

10. Went home with his cousin who he said was on a “tinder binge” and didn’t speak to me for a week... probably because he was on a tinder binge too. 11. Answered his phone during sex when I was on top 12. I think he took a picture of me when I was putting my phone on charge in his room without clothes on because his flash went off 13. I got him a expensive gift for his birthday and he just said “oh thanks” 14. Made birthday plans wouldn’t tell me what they were and didn’t invite me

What I don’t get is he spent 4 hours on the phone to me telling me how much he liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend when I tried to break it off three weeks ago.

Thing is, I actually don’t have feelings for him. It’s so weird. I’d be the first to admit I did on an anonymous forum!! But I really don’t. I don’t think he’s intelligent or funny... he’s good looking but a lot of people are. So why do I care so much?

Please tell me what to do I’m a fucking idiot

You know what you need to do.
Leave him to play games somewhere else!
This article is an interesting read.
psychcentral.com/blog/why-do-we-ignore-red-flags-in-romantic-relationships#3
Try journalling to process what you are really feeling about this relationship and to help you identify the hook that is stopping you from walking away.
What has he triggered that is stopping you from recognising and believing your self worth?
I think once you can unpick those points you will find it much easier to make the right decision for you.

That's a lot of grief for someone you don't like. Get rid!

Please try and like yourself enough to just block him x

I don't know why you care so much about this relationship when the man doesn't really mean much to you. However we can get into these things and they take us over before we know it, without us even wanting it.

Be strong, ditch him and don't look back.

He's horrible!

He's a childish idiot who is shagging anything that moves and getting off on the fact you're putting up with it. Come on, men dont "jerk off" into condoms, nor do they take STI tests for no apparent reason.

Ditch him, he's taking you for a fool. He has a lot of growing up to do, if he ever does.

He's not only probably cheating or trying to but enjoys putting you on a back foot all the time.

You don't even have feelings for him. Chuck this pathetic man and have fun and be open to meeting someone amazing.

Your username says it all. He treats you this way because you let him. You need to dump and block them work on your self esteem. There’s other things in life that’ll make you feel good about yourself. You’re better to stay single until you have more confidence and will be strong enough not to tolerate being treated like dirt.

Why do you put up with him?! Ditch him. Dump him. Get rid. Plenty of other men who are funny, intelligent, respectful, good looking, or other qualities you’re looking for.

Sounds like a prize narcissist.

OP, you are sabotaging your life with this utter loser whose priority is humiliating and destabilizing you. All of his behavior is despicable. His photographing you nude without your consent is a crime.

How long will you tolerate being abused and degraded like this? Has this been a pattern in your relationships? I would strongly advise (1) dumping him pronto (2) seeking counseling to strengthen your boundaries and self-esteem and (3) getting an STD test.

I'd do two things

1. Focus on you, work on your self-esteem so you can recognise when a twat like this comes into your life and treats you like a dirty dish rag, you can block them long before you get to list out 14 vile things about them.

1. Take immediate steps to block and rid this man from your life, you know you don't have a long term future with him so lance the poisonous boil and get shot of him.

Sorry @MsDogLady I should have read your post before repeating what you've advised, but at least I'm thinking along similar lines!

You need to sit down and work out why you are letting a guy that you don't even like , treat you this way?

OP when do you go back to school?

So you know you need to end it but you don't understand why you are struggling to? Low self esteem, attachment, loneliness, being quite a permissive person.

Just think about if you accidentally got pregnant. What sort of life do you think that would lead to? What if you carry on because even though you don't like him you just don't feel strong enough to end it? How will you feel everyday year after year? You think you feel bad about it all now, your self esteem will be in pieces. Please leave and stop letting yourself down and wasting your time before this becomes a serious relationship and it becomes near on impossible to end.

God he sounds awful and immature. Just end. It and don't allow him to persuade you to stay with him. It's always the best at the beginning, it just gets worse over time, I dread to think how low he could go and how much worse he could be to you. He seems to have a lot of capacity to treat others with total disrespect.

Walk away and never look back.

Honestly he's a massive twat that enjoys putting you down. Tell him the sex is shit, you're just not in to him & you want someone who's more intelligent, masculine etc then Walk away and never look back.

Come on! Get rid. He’s disgusting. Don’t let him touch you again. Message him now and say “had a think. Relationship is over. I’m not interested anymore. Don’t contact me again” and mean it

"Please tell me what to do I'm a fucking idiot"

Even an idiot knows how to block someone.

Maybe you have no feelings for him, but you hate yourself so you're using him as a method of self-harm?

Can't explain it otherwise.

Don't waste months years of your life being treated like this get rid of him now.

He's horrible. You don't even like him. block him on everything.

Think back to the first nasty thing he did to you. Part of you knew you should dump him for it. What do you think were the feelings that made you override your instincts?

As for in the future. Dump at the first red flag. Remind yourself that men lie and they lie a lot. Never buy expensive gifts for boyfriends. Like you saw, he didn't appreciate it. He knew he didn't deserve it.
Buy or make them a card at the most.

Your list is a horror story. It's so horrific that it actually made me laugh.

He's laughing at you behind your back. Telling all his buddies how much shit you are taking from him, and showing them naked pics of you.

Of course he does not want to break up. He's enjoying abusing you.

You KNOW what you have to do.

Not one woman on MN will suggest you stay.

🚩 get rid ASAP. Tomorrow is another day, don’t waste anymore time with this loser. Maybe get yourself an STI check.

Get rid. Don't even bother telling him why. Ghost. Ghost. Ghost.

If he really pushes you for a reason tell him he was shit in bed.