Why have I allowed myself to be treated like this by someone I don’t even have feelings for?

[Imstupidandugly]

I made a fucking list tonight of the shitty things the man (24) I’m “seeing” has done since we started hooking up. Three weeks ago he asked whether I wanted to “go official” but he’s not changed his behavior at all.

We’ve only been sleeping together 4 months. He took me on a date last week and seems to be “stepping up” a bit, but not really,

Here’s the list:

1. I accidentally hurt him once in a play fight and he ignored me for a week even though I apologised about 4 times. Eventually when I saw him next in person he laughed about it and said “I wasn’t bothered, I wanted to see how long I could go without speaking to you”
2. Asking for a hug and he refused saying “who’s got the power now?”
3. Saying things like “I flirt with everyone” / “let’s see if I can get any number tonight”
4. We were cuddling and stuff and I said “can’t believe I’ve not had sex for a week” (referring back to the time we had last he sex) he replied “I had sex three days ago.” When I asked who with he said himself (wtf)
5. He lay in bed with me cuddling me liking pictures of other girls
6. ... this wouldn’t be so bad, but he refused to follow me on it, saying I would be “stalkerish”
7. He told me three weeks ago that he was getting an STI check because he gets one every three months... even though he says he’s only slept with me
8. There was a condom wrapper open in his room when I hadn’t been there for weeks... he said he used it to jerk off with
9. He makes comments about people we work with saying stuff like “oh Jessie asked us for a threesone” obviously because he fancies her... and she doesn’t ask

10. Went home with his cousin who he said was on a “tinder binge” and didn’t speak to me for a week... probably because he was on a tinder binge too. 11. Answered his phone during sex when I was on top 12. I think he took a picture of me when I was putting my phone on charge in his room without clothes on because his flash went off 13. I got him a expensive gift for his birthday and he just said “oh thanks” 14. Made birthday plans wouldn’t tell me what they were and didn’t invite me

What I don’t get is he spent 4 hours on the phone to me telling me how much he liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend when I tried to break it off three weeks ago.

Thing is, I actually don’t have feelings for him. It’s so weird. I’d be the first to admit I did on an anonymous forum!! But I really don’t. I don’t think he’s intelligent or funny... he’s good looking but a lot of people are. So why do I care so much?

Please tell me what to do I’m a fucking idiot

When I was 22 I was in a relationship with a man who used to abuse me (sexually and psychologically and physically) and I don’t think I’ve ever been right since then to be honest.

Op, when you've been through something like that, it can skew your boundaries and make you feel kind of like you deserve poor treatment. And your vulnerabilities because of it make you catnip to losers and abusers.

You don't deserve this.

You need to take action on your own behalf. Block the guy today, this morning.

Plenty of unpleasant people put on a show for others, but are capable of cruelty in their private lives. There's even the cliché "house devil, street angel" for it.

Treat yourself like you would a friend. Be kind to yourself. Advise yourself as you would a friend.

If you can afford therapy, get yourself some help for the trauma you went through. Otherwise get yourself on the waiting list.

Do the freedom programme. www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

You need to rebuild yourself after the abusive relationship, otherwise you're going to continue to fall into damaging relationships. While this guy may not be hurting you physically, being in this disrespectful relationship will harm you further psychologically. Build yourself a new "shark cage" www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

Ugh, he’s a proper arsehole, isn’t he? You’re worth more, stop letting him do this to you, he’s horrible.

@category12

Maybe you have no feelings for him, but you hate yourself so you're using him as a method of self-harm?

Can't explain it otherwise.

This could be it :-/

He sounds awful op. You dont live with him. It should be easy to just decline his invitation to go official.

Tell him "i dont want to be in a relationship with you, serious or casual" and repeat that like a dripping tap no matter what response he comes back with.