Struggling to cope with controlling husband

[Chicken512]

I feel like maybe it’s trivial so don’t know if I’m being unreasonable but I feel so worn down...
My dh quite often mumbles (although he thinks he’s speaking clearly) or will say something to me when there’s noise in the background so I don’t hear what he’s said. Whenever I ask him to repeat what he’s said he ignores me no matter how many times I politely ask him to repeat himself... I don’t know why he does this.. he also gets extremely annoyed at me.
Anytime my phone makes a noise he makes mocking beeping noises and comments and makes me feel like I can never message anyone. This has led to me only using my phone when he’s not around and now I am very jumpy and if he ever walks in on me using it, it makes me feel stressed even though I have done nothing wrong and then if I try to hide it, it probably looks like I’m hiding something when I’m not. I’m just scared of his reaction.
He also constantly call me idiot, twat and other rude names but says it’s a joke. But I don’t really find it that funny because he says it in not a very nice way.
I feel like he doesn’t have much consideration for me - recently he’s started going back into the office and won’t tell me when he’s going in or what his schedule is which disrupts my work and plans and when I try to ask him, he just gets annoyed.
I’m feeling really low and constantly quite anxious but I feel like maybe I’m just being crazy? Does anyone have any advice?

Yes. Get rid of him. He is totally trying to control you and this is never going to change.

He’s got no respect for you at all, why do you stay with him?

@Soontobe60 but other times he’s nice to me... but anytime I try to tell him he’s upset me, he always acts like he’s done nothing and that I’m just being a drama queen

@Naunet but maybe I’m just annoying because I sometimes don’t hear what he’s said although I don’t have this issue with anyone else when they speak to me

Do you have children together? If not I would leave as soon as possible. If I did have children with him I would leave the day after as soon as possible.

The not hearing & mumbling rubbish is a form of abuse. I've heard it described somewhere else.

Sounds like a gaslighting arse hole all round.

Posted too soon. You’re not crazy, he’s just a prick who bullies you to make him feel better about himself. That’s not something you can fix, he would need to and I highly doubt he’ll even acknowledge the issue.

I think you need to leave, but I know that’s easier said than done. In the meantime, whilst you consider your options, you can start working on caring less about his comments, you need to free yourself from his “training”.

[quote Chicken512]@Naunet but maybe I’m just annoying because I sometimes don’t hear what he’s said although I don’t have this issue with anyone else when they speak to me[/quote]
I mumble, I know it’s true because my partner isn’t the first person to have told me but I’m completely unaware I’m doing it. So my partner will ask me to repeat and yes, sometimes it irritates me, but I know I’m being unreasonable. What I don’t do is retaliate by snapping at him, being passive aggressive about his phone use, calling him an idiot or refusing to tell him my work plans. These responses show an complete lack of respect for you. I think he enjoys bullying you.

@HollowTalk we have a 10 month old..
I just don’t get why someone would behave like this?
@Ionlydomassiveones I have before but he just either makes out like I’m over reacting or stops doing it for a very short while but then starts up again. If I ever lose it with him, he will then say I’m the person in the wrong.

@Naunet ahh okay.. I have no clue whether he mumbles with other people but I don’t think so... I think maybe you’re right. I kind of feel like he does it deliberately now because he knows I won’t hear and then for some reason he enjoys blanking me

It all sounds very deliberate and is particularly nasty.
Has he always been like this, he sounds as if he is literally doing it just for the fun of it.

@MorriseysGladioli he hasn’t always done the mumbling and not repeating thing, though he’s always been quiet.
He’s always hated me using my phone. I don’t know why. He must have issues because I’m not like that towards him. I just feel so controlled.. the last 18 months with Covid have been tough as he’s been wfh since March 2020 so I feel like I’ve been slowly suffocating with all this

[quote Chicken512]@Soontobe60 but other times he’s nice to me... but anytime I try to tell him he’s upset me, he always acts like he’s done nothing and that I’m just being a drama queen[/quote]
@Chicken512 they can’t be assholes all the time as they need to be nice to initially reel us in and then periodically “nice” to keep us trapped.

I read this recently....

"When you find yourself moderating everything you do or say to try to manage his reactions – you are in an abusive relationship.."

It really struck a chord..
I think it might apply to your situation...

Do you think narcissism is a 'thing's?
I'm not sure I do, but some people sure seem to follow some kind of handbook of behaviour.

His behaviour is abusive.
Tell him to go back to his mother if he feels he’s not getting enough attention.
Don’t put up with this @Chicken512, it’s really not ok.

Sounds exhausting, OP. And like you can't be yourself in your own home. That's really sad.

@Neverunderstood that makes sense
@Ambo21 :( yes that’s how I feel a lot of the time
@MorriseysGladioli I don’t know but I agree... but how do people even become like this?

@BrilloPaddy yes that’s exactly how I feel. I feel like I’m constantly on edge all the time especially because of the phone thing... also feel like he’s always checking up on me. If I order something online without consulting with him first that’s another no no. And I don’t mean big purchases which obviously I would consult him about... I’m already feeling anxious because I’ve ordered £30 of skincare products which I need

Don't waste time trying to figure him out. There is no point.
Just figure out how to leave.

@MrsKeats I guess I’m bad at this as I always want to try to change people

Who cares what he said? Don't ask him to repeat. Just ignore him. He's an ass.

If you can get a copy of why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft and have a read, it might help you process things op.

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders maybe I will try this and see how he responds... although actually sometimes I haven’t responded (because I don’t know what he’s said) and then he knows I haven’t heard him so then he usually just shouts at me