Anyone else feeling down at the thought of another single autumn/ winter?

[ViennaSnowTrain]

I started the summer so optimistic and really wanted to go on dates just for fun.

I couldn't bloody well meet anyone! On neither Bumble nor Tinder

I don't particularly mind being single, but god, wouldn't it be lovely to have someone nice.

@ViennaSnowTrain

I’m sorry Hazel. I’d like not to be single on my next birthday too are you using OLD?

Yep Viennasnowtrain tried OLD, joined clubs, groups, meet ups, volunteers just never seem to connect with anyone, I am torn now whether to keep trying or just learn to except being single forever.

@viennasnowtrain

I'm happy with where I am in my life but do feel a strong pang of loneliness sometimes - and would like a male partner to fill it!

I've used the apps , more than I did before over the summer and though I know they work well at times found they exacerbated a sense of disconnection and loneliness more often than not! I'd say I'm reasonably attractive, got good feedback but the online dating mindset means a lot of first meets that go nowhere and virtual connection only!

My compromise plan for this autumn\ winter is to continue moving forward in other areas of my life, but also acknowledge I do want something more?

So I've stopped the "active app dating that seems to be promising initially but ends up just going round in circles "

But I'm going speed dating to shake things up a bit, will continue keeping fit and working on my emotional health and practicing yoga as self care and will review closer to Xmas

I've enjoyed reading the matter-of-fact way the OP has dealt with the all of the fake concern and patronising advice that she didn't ask for. Someone even called her 'my dear' while they did it, FFS, and the OP still stayed civil.

Why do people feel the need immediately stomp down anyone that says something like 'actually, I would quite like a reciprocal loving relationship'?

Nope, I love being single, the thought of taking a gamble on a bloke which has a small percent chance of turning out to be a good one but most likely in my experience will end up being a miserable git that sucks the joy out of life ruining the peace of mind and freedom from being single is what really gives me the horrors. No thanks.

@CreepingDeath

OFGS just leave the woman alone . You have been horrible to her and you are trying to cover it up with words . We all know people like you 🙄

Ah here, are you the OP in disguise?

The OP was rude, people have all sorts of opinions on MN, not everyone is going to agree, no need to lash out at people who are trying to help.

And I say that as someone who is long term single.

I'm certainly not the OP in disguise but I have been where she is and know exactly what she means . She's not deficient in wanting this and she doesn't need nasty shit spouted at her from long term singles .

@ViennaSnowTrain

Can you articulate how this would improve your life?

I'm really not sure how a relationship would improve your life?

Can you articulate why you need this spelled out? Why do you think I might like to have a relationship?

I have no idea! Most women I know in relationships aren't terribly happy!

@Yummypumpkin I think it would be stupidly insensitive for anyone to write out all the benefits of being in a relationship on a thread where the OP says they feel down about being single in the very title. You could google it if you really were interested (e.g.: this thread from r/askwomen which I found in 0.2 seconds). However the OP clearly knows what a relationship would ideally bring to her life - it doesn't matter if you feel the same or not.

The main thing is, not every topic here is AIBU, so when someone starts a thread with "Anyone else feeling down at the thought of another single autumn/ winter?" on the Relationships board they are not literally conducting an opinion poll about their vulnerabilities on Mumsnet. They are looking to find people in the same situation for solidarity and connection in a situation where they feel very alone. It's OK if people accidentally misjudged it, but after four pages of the OP being super clear I think everyone should have got the message now.