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Original poster

Is this gentlemanly or no?

56 replies

Astressedlady · 10/09/2021 18:23

Hiya all 🖐️😁
Last night i had a Date (2nd) at a guy's house and we got to foolin around (nothing heavy) and he said that he didn't want us to sleep together that night as he had to travel away for work (to France) for a whole month.

We got on so great in what we had in common and chemistry etcetra but i dont know if he is actually interested and being a gentleman or if guys have used this line with someone else before. He does travel away with work a couple times a year as a consultant.

Would really reallly appreciate somw guy's or ladies feedback on this, if possible. Thank you xx

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 10/09/2021 18:31

I think that if the two of you were right for each other, you'd be trusting his words. Nobody can tell you why a total stranger behaves the way they do.

crumblebug · 10/09/2021 18:33

Sounds like a good sign to me

Either you'll meet up when he's back or you won't

layladomino · 10/09/2021 18:34

I don't think it's 'gentlemanly' but perhaps just common sense.

If someone doesn't want to sleep with you (and assuming it isn't a religeous or moral reason) then either a) they just don't want to or b) there is a practical reason. In this case it may be that he doesn't want to deal with the potential fall out of it being not great, or you both having different feelings afterwards, while he's in another country. Or maybe, as it's only been 2 dates, he thinks one of you might meet someone else in the next month and it would be better if you hadn't made things more messy by sleeping together.

But... if you didn't feel able to ask him and have an honest conversation, then I'd suggest you aren't ready to sleep with him.

Inthesameboatatmo · 10/09/2021 18:35

Maybe he doesn't want to rush things with you, not all men want sex as soon a they meet someone .
Just take things slowly and see how it goes, of he stays in contact while hes away then you will know he wasnt after a fling and maybe he hopes for something long term with you.

DayDate · 10/09/2021 18:37

Hmm. If he hasn't slept with you he can't be unfaithful to you while he's away?

I suppose that shows some morals though.

Original poster
Astressedlady · 10/09/2021 18:39

I told him not to overthink things but he said it would feel like a crap thing to do and then leave for a month. I didn't think to ask as I was so tired last night. He was v tender and affectionate (cupping my face when he kissed me).

I think am just so sceptic when it comes to guys now, I have lost all sense of what's normal 😂😂😂

I just was wondering if any guys out there may like to share their insight or if another woman's had this happen to her before. Xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Astressedlady · 10/09/2021 18:40

@DayDate

Hmm. If he hasn't slept with you he can't be unfaithful to you while he's away?

I suppose that shows some morals though.

I guess but we're not even in a relationship, only the second time we ever met. Xx
OP posts:
Ifyoudontlikeitdosomethingelse · 10/09/2021 18:48

DH wouldn't sleep with me for a while as he really liked me. Took him a few months to pluck up the courage and let go of his insecurity I guess.
All worked out fine.

Sounds like he's being a decent human being.

Why not set a date to meet when he's back?

Silenceisgolden20 · 10/09/2021 19:31

Sounds like a line to me.

bathsh3ba · 10/09/2021 19:36

Impossible to tell. He could be trying to do the right thing or it could be a line. Time will tell, there is no crystal ball in dating, much as we might like there to be. Maybe he just thinks second date is too soon?

Original poster
Astressedlady · 10/09/2021 19:43

I'm curious to know why it would be a line? Xx

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 10/09/2021 19:52

Oh no! Not the old 'French' story...?

Well I think we've all had that, non ? Wink

DelphiniumBlue · 10/09/2021 20:00

Was he due to leave the next day and needed to be up early? Maybe he likes you enough that he doesn't want the first time to be a rush job, but something a little more special so that you can both take the time you need.
Are you expecting to hear from him while he's away?

Original poster
Astressedlady · 10/09/2021 20:04

He is leaving tomorrow morning for the month.

Maybe he had diarrhea or som'n 😂

Anyway, it's probably more about him than it is me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Astressedlady · 10/09/2021 20:05

I've honestly never had a guy say something like that to me, if they invited me round to theirs, we'd sleep together. Apart from my ex, we waited 4 weeks!

This is a total first for me 😂

OP posts:
Rewis · 10/09/2021 20:14

I don't think someone having sex immediately or someone waiting to have sex tells anything about their intentions. It's just says that he is the type of person that does not want to have sex and then leave for a month. It's not gentlemanly and it is not un-gentlemanly.

Original poster
Astressedlady · 10/09/2021 20:19

He'd also asked if I'd ever been married or divorced too.

I think i was going into it thinking it was all about sex but i guess if it was h3 wouldn't ask questions like this.

OP posts:
JustAnother0ldMan · 10/09/2021 21:11

No idea if a line or not, but I used to work for a company where I would work abroad for a few weeks at a time and we always flew on a Monday not a Saturday and everything was planned weeks in advance (flights, parking, Hotels, car hire etc), so would be slightly surprised he hadn’t given you more notice than the night before

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 10/09/2021 21:15

That would be a massive turn off for me - it sounds like he ascribes emotional weight to sex.

Lunettesloupes · 10/09/2021 21:35

I’d suspect there’s not going to be a 3rd date.

Wherearemymarbles · 10/09/2021 21:36

You have no way of knowing one way or another

  1. Not sleeping with you means if he has sex when away he is not being unfaithful
  1. Sleeping with you might turn you in to a needy bag of anxious nerves right at the time he is away and cant always talk
  2. You might meet someone else so better to got get too invested
  3. He might have a does of the clap
  4. You might be a crap kisser and he’s changed his mind
  5. He might have left his viagra at home

Take your pick 😙

Restinblue · 10/09/2021 21:41

Did you stay the night?

seensome · 10/09/2021 21:48

A no thanks

Bobsyer · 10/09/2021 22:10

IME if things are already getting hot and heavy and you’re willing, if he wants to then he won’t want to stop. Regardless of next day, next week or whatever.

I don’t buy the ‘he won’t be cheating if he doesn’t sleep with you now’ - this was a second date!

I dunno OP. I guess you just have to wait till he comes back.

Original poster
Astressedlady · 10/09/2021 22:21

I didn't. Him saying that kind of killed my interest.

I see a couple posters saying that he may have not wanted to go the whole hog because while he's away he could 'cheat' but we'd not at any point had a chat about what we are - again, only the second time we met so wayyy too early for that.

I'm just totally curious to see if this is a common thing guys do (i.e shut down sex before it's even happened).

I'm not sure if its tmi but he was rock solid and kissing me so intensely I thought my head would explode with the passion of it 😂😂

But yes, I think it'll just be a case of waiting. If I can 😜

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