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Original poster

Is this gentlemanly or no?

56 replies

Astressedlady · 10/09/2021 18:23

Hiya all 🖐️😁
Last night i had a Date (2nd) at a guy's house and we got to foolin around (nothing heavy) and he said that he didn't want us to sleep together that night as he had to travel away for work (to France) for a whole month.

We got on so great in what we had in common and chemistry etcetra but i dont know if he is actually interested and being a gentleman or if guys have used this line with someone else before. He does travel away with work a couple times a year as a consultant.

Would really reallly appreciate somw guy's or ladies feedback on this, if possible. Thank you xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Astressedlady · 10/09/2021 22:22

For some reason quote isn't working - the above post was me replying to the person asking if I stayed the night xx

OP posts:
SpringlikeBunk · 11/09/2021 00:42

I'm with @Rewis - just take it at face value, keep communicating and seeing how you get on, don't assume you're exclusive . It could mean a million things really there's no way of knowing for certain

MrsMaizel · 11/09/2021 01:14

Some men do need a bit of emotional attachment to go there and he could be one . My now H was the same but did say later that he felt he had to make some moves sooner than he wanted as it is expected of men .

BasicDad · 11/09/2021 02:47

Him saying that kind of killed my interest.

Would suggest you're not that into him, and if he was holding back because he had doubts, this right there would be a good indicator.

JustKittenAround · 11/09/2021 04:15

I will preference this with I’ve had a one night stand and so forth and so on. I’m trying to give you personal i am not claiming any moral superiority.

That said

If he’s looking long term you’ve been too easy, any high value person would find that unattractive.

You’ve pressed him where you had to ask why. You were more into it than him.

He may be a big cheat. I disagree with anyone who says a cheat would have gone all the way… they often dip their toe into the pool. He might have got a bit scared.

Buggritbuggrit · 11/09/2021 04:18

I’m genuinely confused. If you think he might be lying, what do you think he is trying to achieve? Generally, trash men lie to get into one’s pants, not to stay out of them!

If you’ve gone off him, you’ve gone off him. Your feelings are perfectly valid. However, I’m unclear as to what game you think he might be playing.

JustKittenAround · 11/09/2021 04:19

Also I read this as a date.

If you’ve had sex before blah blah…

He doesn’t want the wife smelling you on him… he’s likely been caught before… she’s keeping an eye out and so he has to dot all his I’s…

Monty27 · 11/09/2021 04:31

OP I like his approach actually. Jeez it's a second date. What's the rush? Keep him warm as it sounds like he respects you 👍🏼😃

tiredasamother2 · 11/09/2021 04:40

Maybe he didn't want to rush things? It's only a second date. Maybe he was trying to be a gent & couldn't think of a better excuse other than "I'm off to France" 😂
I wouldn't think too much about it.

You'll have your answer when he's back. 😂

EarringsandLipstick · 11/09/2021 06:53

@JustKittenAround

Also I read this as a date.

If you’ve had sex before blah blah…

He doesn’t want the wife smelling you on him… he’s likely been caught before… she’s keeping an eye out and so he has to dot all his I’s…

People. Are. Insane.

How on Earth do you jump to this? 😑

EarringsandLipstick · 11/09/2021 06:55

The suggestions & interpretations here are nuts.

For whatever reason, he didn't want sex, as is his right. We don't know why. Only he does, and only you can ask him.

It may be he just wasn't into you. But it may also be he wants to wait.

Samedaysameshit · 11/09/2021 07:06

Maybe he didn’t want sex on a second date for the same reason some women do t want sex on a second date.
Men are people too you know.

Original poster
Astressedlady · 11/09/2021 07:47

@tiredasamother2

Maybe he didn't want to rush things? It's only a second date. Maybe he was trying to be a gent & couldn't think of a better excuse other than "I'm off to France" 😂 I wouldn't think too much about it. You'll have your answer when he's back. 😂
While we were fooling around, he whispered in my ear something about picking up when he gets back so I'd assume he was into it but maybe he was just being decent (in his head).

But also maybe he assumed women catch feelings as soon as they sleep with a guy which in my case... Ain't true!

OP posts:
Lampan · 11/09/2021 07:57

I would assume that he thinks if he sleeps with you you’re going to catch feelings and he’s not that keen so doesn’t want that situation. Sorry. (Based on similar experience) Which would annoy me - does he think he can predict your feelings?

Original poster
Astressedlady · 11/09/2021 08:07

@Lampan

I would assume that he thinks if he sleeps with you you’re going to catch feelings and he’s not that keen so doesn’t want that situation. Sorry. (Based on similar experience) Which would annoy me - does he think he can predict your feelings?
Why do you apologise? I've welcomed people's opinions for a reason 😊

It's really interesting to me to hear of other people's experiences in dating and such! But yep, if he thinks he can predict my feelings that is not cool. Guys need to take note haha

OP posts:
Monty27 · 11/09/2021 08:56

Hope he's worth waiting for OP 😉 😃

baileys6904 · 11/09/2021 13:27

Ffs, men cannot win on here. They have sex early-they're just after one thing. They want to wait, and there's an ulterior motive.

In my experience, the blokes that wanted sex quickly either didn't last long or were arseholes.
My dp waited. And waited. And waited. For a few months. However 10 years later, we are still strong, still together and still happy. He genuinely wanted to wait out of respect and making sure of our feelings. It does happen

Burnamer · 11/09/2021 13:32

@JustKittenAround

I will preference this with I’ve had a one night stand and so forth and so on. I’m trying to give you personal i am not claiming any moral superiority.

That said

If he’s looking long term you’ve been too easy, any high value person would find that unattractive.

You’ve pressed him where you had to ask why. You were more into it than him.

He may be a big cheat. I disagree with anyone who says a cheat would have gone all the way… they often dip their toe into the pool. He might have got a bit scared.

Any high value person would find that unattractive Grin

I shagged DH on the first night. We both find each other very attractive. Does that make us very “low value”?

Not sure where to laugh at you or despair of you @JustKittenAround

RaininSummer · 11/09/2021 13:40

Well it's either one of the cynical reads above or he is a nice bloke who thought sleeping together then going away for a month was a bit off. Only you can work that one out. If you like him then just start again when he returns.

Ifyoudontlikeitdosomethingelse · 11/09/2021 14:38

I think he's just being nice. I know it's shocking for women to know there are nice men out there!

me4real · 11/09/2021 15:03

I wouldn't necessarily see it as meaning he's not into you- from what you say he definitely is, at least physically.

I think I would suggest asking what his motives are.

If he just sees it as behaving more decently towards you then that's pretty good.

Pinkbonbon · 11/09/2021 15:25

Of course he hs not gentlemanly. If he was gentlemanly, he would not have invited you to his home on a second date.

But as to what he meant...either he wants to see you again when he gets back and didn't want you to feel rushed into something and not see him again for a while. Or he has no interest in seeing you again and so, didn't want to sleep with you and make you feel used.

Bobsyer · 11/09/2021 15:54

If he’s looking long term you’ve been too easy, any high value person would find that unattractive

Guess my husband and I are both low value then Grin @JustKittenAround. I mean we’ve been together 17 years and have three kids but...

Bobsyer · 11/09/2021 15:59

Jesus all this talk about ‘gentlemenly’ or not.

I admit I haven’t dated in a long time, but there actually aren’t rules that need to be followed. If you’re horned up and willing then have all the sex. Do it. If you’re not, because it’s not been that type of date...then don’t?

Most normal people don’t use things like that as a judgement call or some sort of purity meter.

Of course he hs not gentlemanly. If he was gentlemanly, he would not have invited you to his home on a second date

So the important part is that he’s not gentlemanly because he invited her over on only the second date. Not that he said he wouldn’t sleep with her, even though physically it was quite obvious he was up for it.

I don’t understand some of you really I don’t.

Ifyoudontlikeitdosomethingelse · 11/09/2021 16:26

Men who sleep with women on the 2nd date are only after one thing. Men who don't sleep with you are assholes... So fucking glad I'm not a man trying to navigate my way through dating women.

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