Thinking of someone else on my wedding day

Emma578 · 2021-09-10T12:45:30+00:00

I'm probably the worst person in the world right now. 3 years ago me and my Fiancé attended a wedding where the groom said the wrong name, it was so awkward. Fast forward 3 years and me and my fiancé are getting married. I love him and I was so excited, but when I got to the end of the aisle all I could think of was a man who was once a friend who I had a one night stand with in my teenage years before I met my husband. Looking back everything else was a complete blur, I just kept thinking 'don't say his name, don't say his name', and I never. We had a great wedding and everyone was happy but I'm disgusted with myself knowing that I was thinking of another man while getting married. Am I the worst person? I feel like my husband doesn't deserve that.

gamerchick · 10/09/2021 13:46

No, you were just about to commit to something huge and your brain had a wobble. That's all.

Let it go.

Constellationstation · 10/09/2021 13:47

It sounds like you had intrusive thoughts due to nerves! Don’t beat yourself up about it, it didn’t hurt anyone.

MaizeBlouse · 10/09/2021 13:48

Well it depends... do you harbour deep feelings for this other guy? If not then it was probably just an intrusive thought because of what you'd witnessed at the other wedding. If its the latter then I'd just let it go and put it down to nerves. If it's the former then you need to have a long think about whether you want to be married If you still have feelings else where.

Original poster

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 13:51

@gamerchick

No, you were just about to commit to something huge and your brain had a wobble. That's all.

Let it go.

Thank you! ❤

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Original poster

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 13:51

@Constellationstation

It sounds like you had intrusive thoughts due to nerves! Don’t beat yourself up about it, it didn’t hurt anyone.

Thank you! ❤

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Original poster

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 13:52

@MaizeBlouse

Well it depends... do you harbour deep feelings for this other guy? If not then it was probably just an intrusive thought because of what you'd witnessed at the other wedding. If its the latter then I'd just let it go and put it down to nerves. If it's the former then you need to have a long think about whether you want to be married If you still have feelings else where.

Thank you! ❤ I haven't seen that man in over 15 years and I don't have any feelings for him. It was just so random. X

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VaguelyInteresting · 10/09/2021 13:53

It was intrusive thoughts- you were nervous and you fixated on a “worst case scenario”.

You weren’t actually thinking about another man- you were so worried about cocking up like the guy at the other wedding that your brain went to memories of a random guy, almost as a way to direct your anxiety to something concrete.

Let it go.

Original poster

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 13:54

@VaguelyInteresting

It was intrusive thoughts- you were nervous and you fixated on a “worst case scenario”.

You weren’t actually thinking about another man- you were so worried about cocking up like the guy at the other wedding that your brain went to memories of a random guy, almost as a way to direct your anxiety to something concrete.

Let it go.

Thank you so much for reassuring me! ❤

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mollycobbles · 10/09/2021 13:55

Definitely intrusive thoughts - my brain does this all the time, and the more I don't want it to happen, the worse it is, of course!

Please stop torturing yourself with this and enjoy your marriage. You've done nothing wrong.

Carboncheque · 10/09/2021 13:56

As others have said, that’s not ‘thinking of someone else’ it’s nerves. If you’d stood at the end of the aisle thinking of shagging that man or wishing you were marrying him instead, that would have been an issue.

Think of it as an extreme version of how you might feel when you’re drinking red wine while wearing a white dress. You’re hyper aware of what could go wrong, so you become more nervous, which makes you more aware of what could go wrong …

MaizeBlouse · 10/09/2021 13:56

@Emma578 defo just an annoying bad thought at the wrong time and your brain playing tricks on you. Don't tell your DH an let it go.

I'm sure many brides and grooms have had all sorts of funny thoughts when walking down the aisle. A bit like when you have a baby and the expectation is that you gaze lovingly at them for hours when in reality you're knackered and starving!

Original poster

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 14:00

@mollycobbles

Definitely intrusive thoughts - my brain does this all the time, and the more I don't want it to happen, the worse it is, of course!

Please stop torturing yourself with this and enjoy your marriage. You've done nothing wrong.

Thank you so much! :) ❤

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Original poster

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 14:01

@Carboncheque

As others have said, that’s not ‘thinking of someone else’ it’s nerves. If you’d stood at the end of the aisle thinking of shagging that man or wishing you were marrying him instead, that would have been an issue.

Think of it as an extreme version of how you might feel when you’re drinking red wine while wearing a white dress. You’re hyper aware of what could go wrong, so you become more nervous, which makes you more aware of what could go wrong …

Thank you so much, that makes a lot of sense! :) ❤

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Original poster

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 14:03

[quote MaizeBlouse]@Emma578 defo just an annoying bad thought at the wrong time and your brain playing tricks on you. Don't tell your DH an let it go.

I'm sure many brides and grooms have had all sorts of funny thoughts when walking down the aisle. A bit like when you have a baby and the expectation is that you gaze lovingly at them for hours when in reality you're knackered and starving![/quote]
Haha that's very true! Thank you so much! ❤ :)

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WhoIsPepeSilva · 10/09/2021 19:34

Seeing someone else say the wrong name at their wedding would have injected that fear of doing the same into my brain if it were me.

Then come my wedding I would have been freaking out about saying the wrong name too!

Honestly, intrusive thoughts as PP say, don't beat yourself up. Brains do the strangest things at the worst possible moments, but as long as everything in your relationship is good, rest happy in the knowledge that your brain was just being a dick in that moment.

LedTasso · 10/09/2021 19:38

Agree with everyone else, don't worry. However, I need more information on tje person who did actually say the wrong name. Was it an ex? Did they still get married and are they still together?

Original poster

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 20:20

@WhoIsPepeSilva

Seeing someone else say the wrong name at their wedding would have injected that fear of doing the same into my brain if it were me.

Then come my wedding I would have been freaking out about saying the wrong name too!

Honestly, intrusive thoughts as PP say, don't beat yourself up. Brains do the strangest things at the worst possible moments, but as long as everything in your relationship is good, rest happy in the knowledge that your brain was just being a dick in that moment.

Thank you so much, I'm feeling a lot better about it now! :) ❤

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Emma578 · 10/09/2021 20:21

@LedTasso

Agree with everyone else, don't worry. However, I need more information on tje person who did actually say the wrong name. Was it an ex? Did they still get married and are they still together?

He said the name Melissa but his bride was called Melanie, and it just so happens one of their neighbours from a few doors down was called Melissa too. They ended up getting married but then moved house just months later even though they had just spent a fortune getting the garden done and had previously called it their 'forever home.' We all suspect he was up to something with the neighbour, but I doubt we will ever find out haha. :)

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MrsSkylerWhite · 10/09/2021 20:25

Nerves. Like telling yourself don’t laugh at a funeral. Of course it’s not funny but anxiety will out in the weirdest of ways and this is yours.

Original poster

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 20:27

@LedTasso

Agree with everyone else, don't worry. However, I need more information on tje person who did actually say the wrong name. Was it an ex? Did they still get married and are they still together?

Just to add, names have been slightly changed just incase someone's on here haha, but the names were very similar. :)

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Original poster

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 20:28

@MrsSkylerWhite

Nerves. Like telling yourself don’t laugh at a funeral. Of course it’s not funny but anxiety will out in the weirdest of ways and this is yours.

Very true! Thank you! ❤ :)

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LedTasso · 10/09/2021 20:33

@Emma578 thanks! Bit of an oopsie then. Hopr you are feeling better now

Original poster

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 20:42

[quote LedTasso]@Emma578 thanks! Bit of an oopsie then. Hopr you are feeling better now [/quote]
Yep! Thank you, I'm feeling a lot better now. 🙂

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WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 10/09/2021 20:50

Agree with PPs, don’t give it another thought, you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Brains are weird sometimes.

It’s actually quite a relief to read this thread and know I’m not the only one who gets mad intrusive thoughts when anxious.

Cringing at your friend who actually did say the wrong name though!

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 10/09/2021 20:53

Sharing mine in case it makes you feel any better, have never told DH this but I spent the whole time walking up the aisle thinking about how awful it would be if I shit myself in my white dress. I wasn’t unwell I just couldn’t get the thought out of my head.