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Original poster

Thinking of someone else on my wedding day

52 replies

Emma578 · 10/09/2021 13:45

I'm probably the worst person in the world right now.
3 years ago me and my Fiancé attended a wedding where the groom said the wrong name, it was so awkward.
Fast forward 3 years and me and my fiancé are getting married. I love him and I was so excited, but when I got to the end of the aisle all I could think of was a man who was once a friend who I had a one night stand with in my teenage years before I met my husband.
Looking back everything else was a complete blur, I just kept thinking 'don't say his name, don't say his name', and I never. We had a great wedding and everyone was happy but I'm disgusted with myself knowing that I was thinking of another man while getting married.
Am I the worst person? I feel like my husband doesn't deserve that.

OP posts:
MimiDaisy11 · 10/09/2021 20:57

I thought people only said the wrong name in tv shows and films 😂

Disfordarkchocolate · 10/09/2021 21:01

Don't be so hard on yourself. If I'd been to a wedding where the groom said the wrong name I'd have been a bag of nerves at my wedding.

Original poster
Emma578 · 10/09/2021 21:09

@WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy

Agree with PPs, don’t give it another thought, you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Brains are weird sometimes.

It’s actually quite a relief to read this thread and know I’m not the only one who gets mad intrusive thoughts when anxious.

Cringing at your friend who actually did say the wrong name though!

Thank you so much! I completely agree, I've been thinking there's something seriously wrong with me, it feels nice to be reassured. It was so embarrassing, not sure how they managed to continue, I would have collapsed on the spot. Haha. :)
OP posts:
Original poster
Emma578 · 11/09/2021 09:24

@WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy

Sharing mine in case it makes you feel any better, have never told DH this but I spent the whole time walking up the aisle thinking about how awful it would be if I shit myself in my white dress. I wasn’t unwell I just couldn’t get the thought out of my head. Blush
Haha oh my! The things our brains do in those moments! 😂 cheered me up!
OP posts:
Original poster
Emma578 · 11/09/2021 09:26

@MimiDaisy11

I thought people only said the wrong name in tv shows and films 😂
It happens haha! Not as dramatic as TV shows make it out to be, but it's still so embarrassing and awkward.
OP posts:
Original poster
Emma578 · 11/09/2021 09:26

@Disfordarkchocolate

Don't be so hard on yourself. If I'd been to a wedding where the groom said the wrong name I'd have been a bag of nerves at my wedding.
Thank you so much! ❤
OP posts:
Skatastic · 11/09/2021 09:28

It's just anxiety. Like when you are driving and think ooh what if I veered into the crash barrier. Silly, intrusive thoughts. Acknowledge it was silly and move on Smile

SeriouslyISuppose · 11/09/2021 09:31

@MrsSkylerWhite

Nerves. Like telling yourself don’t laugh at a funeral. Of course it’s not funny but anxiety will out in the weirdest of ways and this is yours.
Exactly. My family has had a terrible tendency to laugh through funerals when we were the closest bereaved — just some kind of group hysteria about doing something completely inappropriate.
Thisisworsethananticpated · 11/09/2021 09:35

The brain is weird
If you love him totally don’t sweat it

TillyTopper · 11/09/2021 09:50

I don't think this is unusual! Honestly the brain can play tricks! It's like you are told not to do something (don't eat the last chocolate!) and you do it! If you hadn't been told you wouldn't have thought about it. I think many of us have done similar in various situations.

Original poster
Emma578 · 11/09/2021 09:55

@Skatastic

It's just anxiety. Like when you are driving and think ooh what if I veered into the crash barrier. Silly, intrusive thoughts. Acknowledge it was silly and move on Smile
Very true! Thank you! :) ❤
OP posts:
Original poster
Emma578 · 11/09/2021 09:56

@Thisisworsethananticpated

The brain is weird If you love him totally don’t sweat it
Thank you so much! :) ❤
OP posts:
Original poster
Emma578 · 11/09/2021 09:56

@TillyTopper

I don't think this is unusual! Honestly the brain can play tricks! It's like you are told not to do something (don't eat the last chocolate!) and you do it! If you hadn't been told you wouldn't have thought about it. I think many of us have done similar in various situations.
Thats a very good point! Thank you very much! :) ❤
OP posts:
furbabymama87 · 11/09/2021 10:08

Have you got another thread about this man from 15 years ago? I've just read something similar. Sorry if that wasn't you. This other guy was a long time ago. Your vision of him in your head is not real. He's a fantasy based loosely on someone you once knew. He will have changed over the years and memories get skewed. You're married and living your life. That's real. I know it's hard when someone gets wedged in your mind and it takes over, but obsessing over a one night stand from 15 years ago is not normal.

crosshatching · 11/09/2021 10:49

Brain farts are no less annoying and potentially embarrassing other farts! You were stressed about doing the wrong thing and your brain fixed on it. But it was all fine! Enjoy your life and let this one go (so to speak).

BlackAlys · 11/09/2021 11:47

@gamerchick

No, you were just about to commit to something huge and your brain had a wobble. That's all.

Let it go. Flowers

That's the best answer and the only answer.
MrsKJones · 11/09/2021 11:50

I wish I had these sort of intrusive thoughts. Mine are always rather...... adult or plain nasty. And the more I try and think of something else the more the intrusive thought takes over. Thank God, no-one can read my thoughts

WhoIsPepeSilva · 11/09/2021 22:29

My sister gave me the giggles at our grandmothers funeral, my giggling set her off and we were given some hard stares by distant relatives.

Then another time at a close friends funeral I was too upset to eat before the service, then at the gravesite my stomach decided very abruptly that starvation was imminent and began to growl extremely loudly. Again there were stares, people close to me couldn't hear the minister. I snuck off right to the back away from the other mourners. My one comfort was that if my friend had seen that he would have found it absolutely hilarious Grin

Glad you feel better @Emma578 and no there is definitely nothing wrong with you, you have an imaginative brain which can be a curse but also a lot of fun at times.

Original poster
Emma578 · 11/09/2021 22:43

@furbabymama87

Have you got another thread about this man from 15 years ago? I've just read something similar. Sorry if that wasn't you. This other guy was a long time ago. Your vision of him in your head is not real. He's a fantasy based loosely on someone you once knew. He will have changed over the years and memories get skewed. You're married and living your life. That's real. I know it's hard when someone gets wedged in your mind and it takes over, but obsessing over a one night stand from 15 years ago is not normal.
Lol, nope just this one. :) Thank you so much! ❤
OP posts:
Original poster
Emma578 · 11/09/2021 22:46

@crosshatching

Brain farts are no less annoying and potentially embarrassing other farts! You were stressed about doing the wrong thing and your brain fixed on it. But it was all fine! Enjoy your life and let this one go (so to speak).
Thank you so much! ❤
OP posts:
Original poster
Emma578 · 11/09/2021 22:47

@MrsKJones

I wish I had these sort of intrusive thoughts. Mine are always rather...... adult or plain nasty. And the more I try and think of something else the more the intrusive thought takes over. Thank God, no-one can read my thoughts
It's so weird what goes through our minds!
OP posts:
Original poster
Emma578 · 11/09/2021 22:51

@WhoIsPepeSilva

My sister gave me the giggles at our grandmothers funeral, my giggling set her off and we were given some hard stares by distant relatives.

Then another time at a close friends funeral I was too upset to eat before the service, then at the gravesite my stomach decided very abruptly that starvation was imminent and began to growl extremely loudly. Again there were stares, people close to me couldn't hear the minister. I snuck off right to the back away from the other mourners. My one comfort was that if my friend had seen that he would have found it absolutely hilarious Grin

Glad you feel better @Emma578 and no there is definitely nothing wrong with you, you have an imaginative brain which can be a curse but also a lot of fun at times.

Oh bless you, thanks for giving me a giggle! 😂 Thank you so much, definitely a curse at times, but I'm so glad I'm not alone. Thanks for the story! 😂❤
OP posts:
WhoIsPepeSilva · 11/09/2021 23:51

I know they are not quite the same thing @Emma578 but I'm glad they gave you a giggle Grin Also sorry for not saying before...

Congratulations on your wedding!! Flowers

WhoIsPepeSilva · 11/09/2021 23:53

FWIW on my wedding I was paranoid I'd get my dress caught up in my underwear when I went to the loo. Had to keep reassuring myself that my bum was in fact covered!

Almostcooked2021 · 12/09/2021 11:59

It sounds like your brain just having a wobble at an inconvenient time! I on the other hand walked down the aisle many years ago knowing full well that i was marrying the wrong person and making the worst decision of my life. But I was too young and too under his coercive control to do anything about it. I also had strong feelings for someone else (although never acted upon).
Don’t beat yourself up - it sounds totally innocent..congratulations!!!