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Original poster

OLD - what is up with this?

64 replies

IdrisArslanian · 08/09/2021 18:13

I started OLD and have a decent number of matches via Bumble. But three of the men have done the same thing:they "like" my profile, I "like" them back, then when I follow up with a thoughtful but easy question regarding something in their profile or photos (i.e. not just, "Hi, how was your weekend?"), I get very short, to the point answers with no questions for me. This is Bumble, so the woman has to initiate the conversation. Their answers are polite, but just not inviting further conversation (at least in my interpretation).

My question is, are they just trying to say "I'm not interested" but don't have the guts to unmatch? Are they stringing me along because they have someone else on the go and want to see what happens there? Or are they such egotistical twerps that they think it is up to me to do all the work at getting a conversation going?

Whatever it is, I find it baffling and annoying. The whole point of OLD is that it cuts to the chase. I don't actually want to just ask random strangers questions about themselves. Should I just unmatch them immediately? I am tempted with the 3rd one to say, "What's the deal? I'm a big girl, you can just unmatch me if you're not interested."

Any views?

OP posts:
PumpkinKlNG · 08/09/2021 18:22

This is why I don’t like bumble, I once heard it’s just for lazy men who don’t like making the first move!

Rozziie · 08/09/2021 18:27

I have no idea but it happens to me. I just deleted the apps actually because I just can't be arsed with that shit behaviour anymore. It genuinely does feel like they think it's up to the woman to do all the work , as if they're some kind of prize or something. Even a few years ago, men I matched with would be keen to chat and to set up a meeting, now it's just what you describe. Slow, abrupt replies, little personality...what's the point?

Cheeseburgerqueen · 08/09/2021 18:40

OLD is brutal. I’ve been on bumble for 18 months now. Men can show interest, drop you for someone better, then start talking to you again. Only 2 turned into real dates - both had lied about their height and one was 20 years older in real life.

Original poster
IdrisArslanian · 08/09/2021 19:07

Wow, ok!

What other apps would you recommend, PumpkinKING? or none? I have a profile on Tinder but it's such a zoo I'm not really into it.

I am having a conversation with one person who seems worth a date if he suggests meeting IRL. I did date a few times someone about 6 months ago when I first started OLD (but then paused it because the pandemic made it seem pointless). He decided I lived too far away when another woman closer appeared. I didn't mind because he had zero sense of humour. He could at least engage in a good message exchange though!

I'm wondering how this could be worth the effort though. I feel like I'd have better chances if I just went and hung out at a few bars!

OP posts:
Cheeseburgerqueen · 08/09/2021 19:15

I’ve been on tinder (full of bots and fake profiles!) and hinge. Same people on all sites.
I would much prefer to meet someone in real life rather than OLD but just doesn’t seem to be happening for me.

ClaudiaWinkleHam · 08/09/2021 19:24

They’re interested if they’ve responded BUT… rather than it being ego, maybe they are just boring and crap with women.

I would say if they’re not engaging your interest you should unmatch & choose who’s right for you rather than waiting for them to step up or unmatch.

ClaudiaWinkleHam · 08/09/2021 19:24

Oh & I recommend Hinge over Bumble. Bit more natural.

dovesandroses · 08/09/2021 19:27

If the convos boring just unmatch them, no need to find out why they're boring just cut them off.
I don't even give them the 24 hrs to respond 😂 if they don't talk back within a few hours I also unmatch them. The ones that are genuinely interested in you will ask questions.

Maze76 · 08/09/2021 19:30

Two dates on Bumble, both a waste of time. I’m going to take a break and try my luck with Match

Lampan · 08/09/2021 19:37

Haha @PumpkinKlNG I’m sure I’ve said on here before that Bumble is for lazy men. And I still think so 😄
OP I know how annoying this is but take is as a good thing, they are too lazy to even write a proper reply so they have screened themselves out early on! I don’t know what the answer is though. I agree with PP who said it tends to be the same people on all the sites anyway (with a few exclusives on Bumble, the ones too lazy to send a first message on any other sites 😄)

Original poster
IdrisArslanian · 08/09/2021 19:43

I don't get the impression that they are being lazy or are boring. It's more that they are trying to tell me they are not interested or not sufficiently interested to ask me about myself but can't bring themselves to just unmatch me. I will unmatch them, I have no problem doing so, I just find it extremely odd.

But then I have always underestimated how self absorbed and indecisive some men are about their interactions with women.

OP posts:
mushypeasarenice · 08/09/2021 19:49

I didn't like Bumble. I went on one date and it was awful. Have you tried Plenty of Fibs or Unhinged? 😊

PumpkinKlNG · 08/09/2021 19:59

Yes it was on here I read it 😬 my sister joined it and had the same experience, men who were happy to talk but no meeting up and just dragging out conversation so I do think it might be true that they want the women to do all the running

JustAnother0ldMan · 08/09/2021 22:41

Personally I now think this generally how some people behave on OLD, as I’ve had women do pretty much all these to me, and expect men to do all the running

But then I have always underestimated how self absorbed and indecisive some men are about their interactions with women.

100% the other way for me, women have been really indecisive.

I guess it’s the other side of the same coin.

me4real · 08/09/2021 22:44

They might just be thick and not be good at conversation. There are a lot of thick blokes OLD I think.

PermanentTemporary · 08/09/2021 22:47

I always feel in your early days on a site you're in the same position as a housebuyer first going into an estate agency- you'll get shown the terrible old wrecks that have been on the market forever...

Rozziie · 08/09/2021 22:54

@PermanentTemporary

I always feel in your early days on a site you're in the same position as a housebuyer first going into an estate agency- you'll get shown the terrible old wrecks that have been on the market forever...
I signed up for an app about a year ago and matched with people, chatted a bit and forgot about it...opened it the other day and all of them were still on there! How can not one of them have met someone in an entire year?! It makes me feel like either they're so terrible nobody is interested or they're so picky they keep thinking they can do better or they're just after casual sex.

One of the men said he'd met someone and they were getting serious so I wished him luck etc., forgot to unmatch...he's still on there too! What's that about? Why do so many men not delete their accounts when they're seeing someone properly?

PermanentTemporary · 08/09/2021 23:00

I went on a date with a guy in July 2019 and he's still on the same site with the same profile. He's very good at friendship, not great at romance.

JustAnother0ldMan · 08/09/2021 23:00

They might just be thick and not be good at conversation. There are a lot of thick blokes OLD I think

There’s a lot women on OLD who are terrible conversationalists,…

Getbehindme · 09/09/2021 07:00

I'm quite new to it and finding this a bit perplexing too. And loads of guys seem to write on their profiles 'why does nobody talk on this app' and then you try and talk and nobody talks!

fidgetmad · 09/09/2021 07:27

Im one of the people @Rozziie and @PermanentTemporary are taking about! I've been on & off OLD apps for the last 5 years!!!!! I've had one relationship of a year and some nice dates but no chemistry.....

I don't think the fact they've not met the right person means they're useless at chatting or have relationship issues, it's just not easy to meet the right person for you. Personally I feel too many people settle and accept "okay" men for "okay" relationships but maybe I'm too picky.

However, I do agree with OP that there are far too many men how show lack of interest and minimal effort with texting. Even on other apps where men message first, the first few messages go okay then they send a reply with no question or obvious follow up and I end up feeling like I'm interviewing them and driving the chat. At that point i unmatch.

I think both men & women will be equally as guilty of this but unfortunately I think it's getting worse. Personally I think too maybe people have OLD fatigue and are getting bored & fed up with the process and hence making less & less effort. Lockdown has probably played a role but speaking to other single female friends there seems to be a general "I'm so bored & fed up with this as it's not working. I'm just not feeling it and can't be arsed" None of them are as long term single as me btw.
I think it's a mix of the lockdowns pushing people how wouldn't usually do OLD on to the apps and there not being many other options to meet someone just now.

So to answer OPs question, I think people on general are fed up with OLD and aren't feeling like making much of an effort but feel they need to stick with it

Lizardtongue · 09/09/2021 07:36

I always think them types are only looking for sex so are waiting or hoping for some sexy chat up where they will be totally focused

Walkingalot · 09/09/2021 08:07

On the flip side, if I did this it would mean a) Yeah, we matched but I'm not too sure or b) I'll reply just to keep you in reserve but don't want to encourage conversation, at this stage as I'm messaging someone else I prefer. If I was 100% not interested I wouldn't have replied at all, simple. I rarely unmatch, I let them do that.
Personally, I find all the OLD sites much the same, paid or unpaid. There are good guys out there, finding one that you click with is hard though. You have to have a thick skin and not over think it.

Sakurami · 09/09/2021 08:20

I didn't bother unless they had formed a proper answer and with a reciprocal question. The same with tinder. That meant that I didnt speak to many, but the ones I spoke to were a much better match. Out of those I only met a small handful but I enjoyed meeting the ones that I did even if there was no spark. And met my amazing boyfriend.

Keep your standards hi. You wouldn't bother forcing a conversation on a night out so why do it online?

MrsMaizel · 09/09/2021 08:22

TBH with you I used to hate that question - to me it is just a bland one thing fits all thing to say as opposed to someone who has actually read my profile .