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Original poster

Passwords, PIN numbers etc

73 replies

Candleinthebreeze · 06/09/2021 20:17

Ok I know there isn’t a one size fits all answer to this, but I’m looking for a genuine consensus

Wife and I have been together since late teens, approx 20 years. Lived together almost all of that time.

In 2014/15 she had multiple emotional affairs, using false profiles on tinder etc. I caught her out, she denied it but eventually admitted.

I still lack trust in her but try my best to not let it show or affect us.

In every other way are relationship is good and healthy etc.

She’s still fairly secretive over her phone. Not ridiculous but she won’t tell me the password etc, I haven’t demanded it, just mentioned in conversation but she said she’d never disclose it.

She doesn’t know my phone/iPad pin but I would happily tell her both.

We’re late 30’s, married with kids etc.

Do you know your partners pin/password?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 06/09/2021 21:20

Yes I know dhs and he knows my various ones

DismantledKing · 06/09/2021 21:20

No, but we trust each other.

SnatchCassidy · 06/09/2021 21:21

My dp knows mine but I don't know his. I'm not really bothered by it.

Bontanics · 06/09/2021 21:22

No I don't know his and he doesn't know mine. I have no right to know them either.

NameChangeinHaste · 06/09/2021 21:23

Matching pins here. If we need to google something we tend to use closest phone at hand.
Works for us.

Xiaoxiong · 06/09/2021 21:27

I know all his with the exception of his internet banking but I could probably guess it if I needed to. I tell him my PIN and passwords regularly when he reaches for my phone if it's closer - how he hasn't got them memorised is a mystery!

However - we have zero trust issues. I have seen relationships described on here where it's been clear that someone was keeping passwords/PINs secret for good reasons (they are planning their escape from a controlling abusive partner) and bad reasons (they are having an affair).

ClaudiaWinkleHam · 06/09/2021 21:28

No but he’s never cheated or attempted to.

Dolly925 · 06/09/2021 21:34

I know my husband's and he knows mine. I find it strange that you have had a conversation about it but she refuses to tell you....that wouldn't sit well with me!

Shoxfordian · 06/09/2021 21:38

Yeah we know each other’s codes but I would never use it without his permission and he would never look at my phone either

In your case I would assume she’s still having emotional affairs and that’s why she doesn’t want you seeing it

Careermummy · 06/09/2021 21:38

Never in a million years. I think we would call it a day if we had reason to need to know each other's pins etc.

Original poster
Candleinthebreeze · 06/09/2021 21:39

@Dolly925

I know my husband's and he knows mine. I find it strange that you have had a conversation about it but she refuses to tell you....that wouldn't sit well with me!
That’s what my thinking is, it concerns me but on the odd occasions I’ve been able to see what she’s doing there is nothing sinister
OP posts:
Original poster
Candleinthebreeze · 06/09/2021 21:39

@Shoxfordian

Yeah we know each other’s codes but I would never use it without his permission and he would never look at my phone either

In your case I would assume she’s still having emotional affairs and that’s why she doesn’t want you seeing it

I don’t think the trust will ever come back, so yes I’ll always have worries
OP posts:
Original poster
Candleinthebreeze · 06/09/2021 21:41

@Xiaoxiong

I know all his with the exception of his internet banking but I could probably guess it if I needed to. I tell him my PIN and passwords regularly when he reaches for my phone if it's closer - how he hasn't got them memorised is a mystery!

However - we have zero trust issues. I have seen relationships described on here where it's been clear that someone was keeping passwords/PINs secret for good reasons (they are planning their escape from a controlling abusive partner) and bad reasons (they are having an affair).

Im 100% not controlling etc so not that, not even 1% of that in my nature and she knows that behind any doubt
OP posts:
Brieeeeeeeeeeee · 06/09/2021 21:42

Phone pins yes, anything else no.

DerAlteMann · 06/09/2021 21:46

I know DW's. DW has been told mine.

FizzyPink · 06/09/2021 21:48

I know all of his and would just use his laptop if he was at work. I don’t think he knows mine but that’s down to him having a terrible memory and not asking rather than me being secretive.

ufucoffee · 06/09/2021 21:52

Absolutely not. I like some privacy. Nothing to hide but just no.

Youknownothingsnow · 06/09/2021 21:54

Mine is face recognition and pin, I have given my oh the pin before but have to unlock it or repeat it if he uses my phone!

He doesn’t have a pin on his, it’s an old Nokia and isn’t a smart phone.

Been together 7 years, no trust issues.

Original poster
Candleinthebreeze · 06/09/2021 21:56

@ufucoffee

Absolutely not. I like some privacy. Nothing to hide but just no.
I do get this, and that’s why I’m so fairly relaxed about it. Personally I have nothing to hide (except this account I suppose!), if I hadn’t caught her being daft in 2015 I’d still feel the same, but I did, and it worries me
OP posts:
WeeChewy · 06/09/2021 21:57

We know each other's pins and passwords for things because we often use each other's phones if one is nearest or one has more charge than the other.
I would say there's something for her to hide and you are right to be feeling unsettled.
Although we have access to each other's phones I wouldn't think of reading anything, it's never crossed my mind to do so.

momtoboys · 06/09/2021 21:57

I do and he has mine. We have nothing to hide.

tigger1001 · 06/09/2021 22:01

No we don't know each other passwords. Been together 18 years.

But we haven had any trust issues either.

murasaki · 06/09/2021 22:05

Nope, never occurred to me to ask. No trust issues though. And I have answered his phone when I saw his dad was calling and he was upstairs, still not sure how I managed that, but it's not something we've ever felt the need to do.

RolloTomassi · 06/09/2021 22:05

We probably do know each other's "standard" pin/passwords (no real reason, just boring shiz over the years), but don't use them.

In your position I think she's totally unreasonable not to be more open, given her history - if she's not up to anything there's no reason not to, and it would probably reassure you.

trilbydoll · 06/09/2021 22:08

We know each other's phone PIN and usual password (my email opens the laptop so I can't keep that secret!) but I have trouble remembering all my own passwords I don't need his floating around my head as well!