So I have a friend, who’s the opposite sex to me. We are both married in serious relationships with children of a similar age. He’s someone I knew before my husband, and the only male I’ve ever been close to other than my husband. ( and in a way, I always felt more of a connection with this friend, than my husband.) that said, I obviously love my husband, we’ve built a family and a life together, and nothing will ever come close to that. I knew this friend at school, and we was very close. I always had feelings for him, though I never made them known. He was very much a jack the lad, and was in and out of relationships or one night stands with girls, he never made any moves towards me growing up and we just sat in the friend area for a long time. Although we didn’t do any thing sexually, I always felt close to him, and him me. We would talk for hours. Till early mornings, he would do things for me that he wouldn’t do for anyone else. Eventually at around 19 he slept with my best friend. It’s broke my heart to pieces as it came out of nowhere, they didn’t even speak beforehand, it seems so out the blue and I was shocked and hurt. I think this is when all true feelings I had came to the surface. I was angry and upset, and ignored him, he tried apologising, and from there we both drifted apart and got into new relationships, settled down, married and had children relatively young.
We didn’t speak for around 7 years, until one day he messaged on Instagram. I instantly felt that connection and closeness that was always there as soon as we spoke. We enjoyed catching up, and seeing how happy and well we had done for ourselves. Catching up on 7 years worth of gossip took awhile, and we even spoke of mutual friends we hadn’t seen for the same amount of years. After a few weeks when all the catching up was said and done, we stayed in contact from time to time. It was always him who would message, but I would usually reply. It was all innocent and time passing friendly conversation. Eventually after around a year of talking on and off We expressed how we often found ourselves thinking of the other when we were with our spouses, and it scared us a bit I think. My friend apologised and said he didn’t come back after all these years to try and mess up my life, and he we went from all my social media platforms. We didn’t end on an argument, but just said our goodbyes and wished each other well. I could let him leave easily. A whole year went by, and then he got in contact again. But this time, everything changed. It was like we went from 0-100 and before we knew it we was talking all day everyday, texting, phone calls and even the occasional meet up as friends. Things began to become a little flirty, and we touched on how we both felt sexual tensions. I don’t consider myself a horrible person, and I’m not sure when the lines got blurred, but photos and videos was exchanged in a sexual way. For a few months following this, things were messy. It kind of felt like the beginning of a new relationship, although we have never fully admitted how we feel about eachother, we still maintain we are friends only. I was going through a rough patch at this time, my relationship hasn’t been plain sailing and I’ve been on the receiving end of cheating in some kind of way a lot. It doesn’t justify what I’ve done, but gives some background.
We ended up alone together on a night out, and advances were made by us both, but I couldn’t go through with it and we went home. From then I felt embarrassed, that I had given the impression all these months it was what I wanted, to get it and not go through with it. He understood, he always understands me. I stopped speaking with him for 5 months after, as I decided enough was enough, as bad as it was, it was a wake up call. Not speaking and being in contact atall killed me everyday, I couldn’t let him go as easily as I did the first time and it hurt everyday. He took over my thoughts from morning to night, and I even dreamt about him when asleep. He had become my best friend. The person I was closest to in life, and it felt almost like grieving. 5 months later I finally caved, and asked his brother to tell him to contact me.
It’s been 6 months since we’ve been back in contact, and for me it feels the best, healthiest few months so far. Nothing of a sexual nature has been spoke about or exchanged, we don’t flirt and we don’t meet up. It really feels like the old schools days when it was a friendship only. We spoke alot about the past messy months. And I apologised for all the inappropriate things I said and done, I think at the time I was just a little lost in life, and he was my life line. I said there was a time I felt I had feelings in a romantic way, but feel they have all simmered down to care and compassion for a friend. He said he found this sad, but it’s good. He says he’s glad nothing happened with us. And that he values me too much to just have me as a one night stand. He says what we have is worth more than sex, and he’s just grateful he has me atall. He says we can never be more than friends, so if friends the best it’s going to be then he’s happy with that. He says if we did have sex, I would just think of him as a mistake, cuz that’s all it’ll be allowed to be and he doesn’t want to be that to me. He says he’s worried if something happened I would panic and cut him out of my life. He says he cares about me, and my family, and he doesn’t wanna mess anything up as he could never live with himself after destroying my family. Since then things have been platonic, we speak everyday alomost still, but about our children, partners, work, mutual friends, life in general. But he’s been asking to meet ALOT. A lot more than in the past. And I’ve refused everytime. I’m scared he now wants more? Or are we just friends. Is it safe to be friends once this has happened? I feel only friendly feelings now, but care deeply. Some days I just wanna hug and cuddle him, which is different from the sexual thoughts I once had. What does this all mean please? Please be kind. I never went out looking for any of this to happen. And I’ve never cheated, no even kissed another man in 15 years of marriage. I doubt my husband could say the same. And when I say he asks to meet, it’s as friends not in a hot sweaty hotel room. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply :)