My bf asked for a break after his father suddenly died. Is it going to end as break up?

[Assile]

It's day 5 since my bf asked for a break. We've been together for 6 sweet months. He has started being cold 4 days prior (not responding or responding the next days with an excuse). I confronted him over the phone (bcz it was his third week vacation so he's away). While talking, he said that his dad died suddenly (I was shocked bcz he didn't tell me before) and that he hates his job and where he lives and that he even got a job interview far away. I started crying and he was also crying saying he's very lost and don't know what to do. He said if I didn't give him the break and the time to be alone he can block everyone including me. I was so sad I asked him for how long and he said on Monday I'll be giving news. But I didn't know if it will be the end of the break or will he be only checking up and extending it? I told him I can't live without him and I'll respect his decision and give him the break. I asked him if we can see each other on monday he said he's not sure depending on his mood. That hurted me bcz I prefer discussing issues face to face rather on the phone. He ended by saying he loves me and that he can't live without me also. So I was confused! I told him I am fearing he'll end up breaking up with me but he told me to not think about it. Since we gone no contact and I'm just waiting for Monday. I've gone completely insane by overthinking and I wanted to text so many times but thanks to my friends they stopped me. I just cry every day, have periods of anxiety and don't eat well. I still try to go out often and be around people to think less. I'm just so scared of monday and even more scared that he won't keep hip promise by contacting me. This is my first time going thru this and it was my longest relationship and as it was for him. I hope that he won't end up breaking up with me bcz I am afraid how I'll be handling this situation. I sent him a message today that I miss him and I would like to see him. I am afraid that he would not reply nor keep his promise by contacting me tomorrow. I keep crying by the idea that the person that said he loved me would even ghost me. I am so afraid.

Any news @Assile? Hope you’re ok 💐

I saw him yesterday. He was really sweet, told me he loves me and said sorry. I told him I'm here for him for his dad he cried and said he doesn't want to talk about it. He didn't also want to talk about the job interview in the other city, he just said that he's sorry and he knew he's done these things while being lost. He said he'll come back as before. I respected his wishes and didn't talk about it and we spent our night as loving as before.
He told he has a job interview today in the same city we live in ! Hope he'll get in here and chooses to stay here !
I will continue seeing the psychologist to learn how to control my feelings if we come to another hard period which I don't wish for.

@Assile
Glad things worked out for the better, and you got answers and not left hanging. 💐

He’s cruel

“He’s done these things while lost”

What is that supposed to mean? Presumably what you are saying is that his dad didn’t die and the distant interview didn’t happen. ie he was in holiday with another woman while considering his options with you?

So now he’s decided to stay with you

Did he tell you that you were too clingy and he needs you to step back a bit and give him space if you want to continue in a relationship with him? I hope you are listening and your counsellor gives you the help you need to be in a relationship.

I also hope you didn’t threaten self harm if he tries to leave you or say “but I can’t go on living if I don’t have you” or some other manipulative and scary (for him) veiled threat? You can get someone to stay with you by doing that sometimes. But it is a bad thing to do and they WILL leave you eventually. You can’t make someone love you.

I hope this has been a wake up call OP. Hang with your friends. Make time for your family alone (I’m not saying his family I’m saying yours ) have hobbies etc. So things that make a life away from him. That’s healthy. That may prevent you being like clingfilm and smothering him.

I wish you well

He left me...

I'm so sorry, op. Take it one day at a time and know the pain will ease in time. It's never nice when someone we love decides to leave. May you find the strength to look forward to better days ahead. Surround yourself with people that care about you x

So sorry @Assile. Did he get the job far away? What were his reasons?

Sorry OP. I know it hurts like hell but honestly it gets better.

Have a good greet, stuff you’re face with ice cream or whatever you like and get some sleep.

Tomorrow’s another day. The pain will ease. You will feel better.

Hang with pals, keep busy, take exercise, do hobbies. You’ll get through this ok. I’ve been there a good few times.

He called saying he wants to quit and start from zero. He said when he saw me Monday he didn't feel like he used to feel. He told me he cheated on me on his holidays. All of this on the phone!!!
I feel like I've been lied to in the whole 6 months.
I'm so shocked and angry.
I am also afraid that He would have not been protected when he cheated and he dares to see me on Monday and say he loves me and acts like nothing was wrong. He made feel like shit.

Did you sleep with him when you met up? You should go to the doctor or clinic and get tests for STDs. Did he use protection? You’ve been used and played. So his dad didn’t die? He was cheating? He’s disgusting. He’s used you. Time to get over him. He’s cheated on you and lied.

So sorry for what he did to you. That's totally unacceptable. As BeechDrifting said, get your sexual health checked just to be safe, and continue getting mental health support so that whenever your next relationship comes, you're in a better place and can have a healthier relationship. x

Op you’ve got to reframe this as a lucky escape.it will hurt for a while, that’s normal, it means you’re a normal loving human. Take that as a good thing. It doesn’t mean everything was a lie, don’t think that, it just means he is a little more of a surface person than you and in a while you will actually feel sorry for him. He’s also a bit of a moral coward, saying his dad died etc is extremely cowardly. He was never a keeper. Work through the sad feelings, concentrate on yourself and your goals, lean on family and friends, don’t wallow on him but allow yourself to a big sad about it. You will feel very very lucky that he did you a huge favour soon.

He's an arse. I know you're hurting but you're absolutely better off without the cheating bastard.

Thank you so much. It hurts so much but I am trying to occupy myself as possible as I can. I still question everything bcz I don't know what was true and what was not. I'll check my health also to insure that I am safe. Sadly I still have some stuff at his apartment, I asked him only when I can get them. He told me that he'll let me know when I can. He's such an asshole making me even wait to take back my things. I never imagined that I gave my whole trust and love for someone who not only cheated on me but treated so badly also by asking break and going back and forward giving me hope when we saw each other and then plancking me 3 days after so coldly. That someone was the one I though he loved me as much as I did and I thought we will be strong and it will last. I hope I can trust again or love again. I'm afraid that I won't be able to do that and it will block me from moving forward. That's why I am continuing to see a therapist. I wish she will help me to heal.

You know what was true for you. That’s all that matters. Don’t tie yourself in knots figuring him out, I did that after a similar breakup and do you know what there was no need, there was nothing to figure out; he wasn’t that complex, he was just a bit of a coward and not a very deep emotional person. He is now onto his next girlfriend and looks miserable as sin whereas I did some work on myself and know I will always be ok no matter what now.

About your stuff. Don’t ask, tell him, I’m coming around 6pm Monday with family member to get my stuff.

Also op about giving your whole love and trust. You can never fully trust anyone, people change their minds, people can be shallow and follow the next shiny thing (new woman) or deal with mental health issues and not want a relationship. Anything and everything. All you can do is make sure you are happy and validated on your own, never let one person be your source of happiness. It’s so east to build up a version of someone by projecting your loving nature/love onto them and then feel let down that they didn’t live up to the version in your head.

You will definitely be ok but only if you focus on you. He’s not the be all and end all.