My bf asked for a break after his father suddenly died. Is it going to end as break up?

[Assile]

It's day 5 since my bf asked for a break. We've been together for 6 sweet months. He has started being cold 4 days prior (not responding or responding the next days with an excuse). I confronted him over the phone (bcz it was his third week vacation so he's away). While talking, he said that his dad died suddenly (I was shocked bcz he didn't tell me before) and that he hates his job and where he lives and that he even got a job interview far away. I started crying and he was also crying saying he's very lost and don't know what to do. He said if I didn't give him the break and the time to be alone he can block everyone including me. I was so sad I asked him for how long and he said on Monday I'll be giving news. But I didn't know if it will be the end of the break or will he be only checking up and extending it? I told him I can't live without him and I'll respect his decision and give him the break. I asked him if we can see each other on monday he said he's not sure depending on his mood. That hurted me bcz I prefer discussing issues face to face rather on the phone. He ended by saying he loves me and that he can't live without me also. So I was confused! I told him I am fearing he'll end up breaking up with me but he told me to not think about it. Since we gone no contact and I'm just waiting for Monday. I've gone completely insane by overthinking and I wanted to text so many times but thanks to my friends they stopped me. I just cry every day, have periods of anxiety and don't eat well. I still try to go out often and be around people to think less. I'm just so scared of monday and even more scared that he won't keep hip promise by contacting me. This is my first time going thru this and it was my longest relationship and as it was for him. I hope that he won't end up breaking up with me bcz I am afraid how I'll be handling this situation. I sent him a message today that I miss him and I would like to see him. I am afraid that he would not reply nor keep his promise by contacting me tomorrow. I keep crying by the idea that the person that said he loved me would even ghost me. I am so afraid.

Can you find out anything on social media? Or google the death notices in his local paper.

I wouldn't contact him again. Let him do it.

I'm sorry, I think it's over. You have to keep a hold of your self-respect now.

The guy asked for space. You sound like you were in each other’s pockets all the time. That itself can be overwhelming.

You have to be respectful of that. Whatever the reason. He doesn’t want to see you at the moment.

If you don’t respect him and stay away he will walk away permanently. If you do give him space he may get in touch and come back to you. If he doesn’t he would have left anyway so you lose nothing by staying away.

If he really did lose his dad he will likely be devastated. He knew him his whole life. He will need space and support from his family to get through this awful time. He’s grieving. He doesn’t need any drama.

If he didn’t lose his dad, and is lying to go on holiday with some woman or just to get away from your clingyness, you obviously need to dump him when you find out the truth as he doesn’t care about you.

So you need to keep away but find out the truth.

What’s his social media saying? Any clues there as to what’s going on?

If it was me I’d send him a message, if he doesn’t contact you on the day he said he would, to say “I’m so sorry about the death of your dad, I’m here if you need talk. I know you said you’d phone me today, but no pressure to reply to me just now. Just know I’m here and hoping you are ok at this sad time xxx”.

I’d leave it at that. Balls in his court.

If he doesn’t contact you within a further week you can try messaging him again to ask “How are you. Just wondering if you’re ok. Can you me a phone please”

If still nothing I’d leave it as he’s not that into you.

It’s hard but we’ve all been there with someone we want more than they want us. You can’t make someone love you. Sad but true.

Try and stay calm. See your friends. Stay busy. Take your mind off things. Exercise.

I think the relationship is over and his dad dying is lie to get you off his back.

How old are you? Is this your first serious relationship?

I told him I can't live without him

This is very extreme thinking and way too much responsibility to put on another person. If you feeling that depressed then you might need to seek medical help.

Please DO NOT go to see him. He asked for space, you texted him and he has ignored you, if you turn up then you are in harassment territory. 6 month is not a long time and if you are very young then I understand it's painful but you will recover.

He might be trying to let you down gently so don't chase him. Never chase anyone!

He said if I didn't give him the break and the time to be alone he can block everyone including me.

And you're considering turning up at his house.

Nothing says harass me like a big fat no.

For the live of god leave him alone. He has made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want to talk to you.

Who cares what his reasons are. Leave him be. In fact ghosting him back is the best chance you have

I tried yo see on social media but there's nothing. It's also normal bcz here in France, people don't post often so I can't find my answer. I have to trust that he is not such a douchebag. I will not go and see him as you say. You are right. I will try to hold back myself and wait until tomorrow. If he didn't reply to my today's text, I'll text him tomorrow and try my chance. In my mind and for the sake of the person I spend this relationship with I would be shocked if he really ignored me until forever. I'll give myself another week of hope to see the outcome of this.

@MadeForThis

Can you find out anything on social media? Or google the death notices in his local paper.

I wouldn't contact him again. Let him do it.

This is a good idea.

Have you had a chance to check his social media for info?

Best case scenario is that his dad died , he stayed on holiday 🤨, and he doesn’t want you for support. An odd response to tragedy.

Most likely he’s trying to break up and can’t tell you. He’s being gutless and may have made up an unforgivable lie.

You need to back off for your own mental health. This is intense infatuation. Love doesn’t grow in such a hothouse.

Gosh women do love to cling on.

A man tells you he doesn't want to be with you for a bit and the response is to go full stalker checking his story out on social media.

If you're questioning whether he is lying about his fathers death then it's over.

@Assile

I tried yo see on social media but there's nothing. It's also normal bcz here in France, people don't post often so I can't find my answer. I have to trust that he is not such a douchebag. I will not go and see him as you say. You are right. I will try to hold back myself and wait until tomorrow. If he didn't reply to my today's text, I'll text him tomorrow and try my chance. In my mind and for the sake of the person I spend this relationship with I would be shocked if he really ignored me until forever. I'll give myself another week of hope to see the outcome of this.

Sorry my other reply was sent after you answered.

Its very strange that when he told you that his dad died he also talked about the job interview and the other issues. Im sure if he was close to his dad he would be focusing on this only.
Do you think he used the other issues to try and confuse you more and keep you quiet?

@Assile

He returns today at 11 pm from his vacation. Would it a bad idea if I go to see him (even if he haven't reply to my message) ? I feel so desperate to see him and talk thru things with him that I thought of this. I know I would be forcing him but I feel so depressed and I want explanations.

Of course you don't do this. It would be creepy, borderline stalking. The relationship is over, he broke up with you, and he took the cowards way out to do it. Leave him alone and move on.

Re the comments ‘I can’t live without you’ I hate that awful emotional blackmail crap. Sounds very unhealthy.

He did not say he doesn't want me in a clear and directe way. He even said he loved me when asking for a break. I am just confused by everything. I get suspecting the story is wrong but my mind is going everywhere. I won't stalk him! I just asked a question out of desperation for answers. I'll wait for him to reply and see what happens. Thank you.

If you think he's lying about his father's death, then you should just break up. Clearly you don't trust him at all.

That's what I am afraid of! Mixing the two stories is very weird and out of shock I didn:t react well. I didn't ask him questions about how it happened. I only said I am sorry for your loss and that I would try to find a job where he wants if he wants to. When he asked for a break, I respected him and accepted. I hope he respects and responds to me and give me answers.

How old are you? (Genuine question, not a dig!)

He did not say he doesn't want me in a clear and directe way.

Neither did my ex.

He was full of this, I need to sort myself out, I have so much stress, I love you so much, this could be a mistake. He wanted a break to.

The was so he could trial fucking another women to see which one of us He wanted. I found out and dumped him

Never mind what he wants or how he says it. He has made it clear is his actions he doesn't want you

You don't even believe his father died. What is he has died and he finds out you thought that he'd lie. You'll look despicable.

He wants a break from you. You don't trust him.

It's over

I say this gently, but take the blinders off. He is lying to you, he's a coward who said he wants a "break" instead of just telling you the truth that the relationship is over. Stop communicating with him, and stop the emotional blackmail by saying you can't live without him. You can and you will because it's over. Move on.

I'm 26 years old going to 27 soon. I know I'm not experienced in relationships and it was my first serious one. That's why I came here to have advices not to be criticized but I respect everyone's opinions tho.

6 months isn't a serious relationship. He is dating you.

Was dating you.

@Assile

I'm 26 years old going to 27 soon. I know I'm not experienced in relationships and it was my first serious one. That's why I came here to have advices not to be criticized but I respect everyone's opinions tho.

At 26 you should be having fun and not suffering for a guy that seems to have a strange behaviour towards you and your feelings. Sometimes we believe that its love but it could be just infatuation specially during the first 6 months. If he really liked you, he would not give you some small bits of info and make you wait until he feels it's the time to talk. The more he makes you wait, the more you think you are really in love. Im really sorry but it seems a really manipulative behaviour. Take care of yourself first, if this does not feel right, its because its not right. Don't let him control your emotions and reactions.

If you have a chance can you check online the difference between infatuation vs love?

It helps to make sense of your feelings and emotions. I learned this on my late 30s and I wish I was aware of this earlier in life, I kept getting involved with d*ckheads thinking it was love.

I'm sorry but I think it's over. It seems suspicios that his died had died but he didn't think to tell you at he start of your conversation - he only told you when you confronted him about why he had been cold for several days.

If his dad had died, why would he not have told you that up front? It makes no sense. Then the talk of another job, mixed in to the same conversation. It all sounds a bit weird.

I'm really sorry if I have it wrong and he's actually telling the truth.

The best thing either way is to give him the space he asked for...

If he is telling the truth, it's right to give him that space, and hopefully he'll soon want to see you again (or at least to talk to you and explain if things have changed for him).

If he is lying - then it's over anyway.

You have nothing to gain from crowding him.

But please also remind yourself this is 6 months of dating. He isn't your world / you can live without him / there are many more people you could be equally happy with. Noone owes you happiness except yourself. Don't be so dependent on one person, especially not one you've only known for 6 months.

Thank you for these answers. I don't know I would check it out. What I know that is my feelings are very strong, that's why I am hurting this much. I hope I'll be able to move on if it turns out bad. Sadly I am trying to control my emotions but with no success maybe bcz it's too recent and to bad to be true. I'll wait and see. I still have some hope for him to not be such a coward and to contact me and tell me what he really wants.