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Original poster

Is this good relationship?

71 replies

needynelly56 · 03/09/2021 21:43

Been seeing my boyfriend for nearly a year now.
It seems that we only see each other on a weekend or once through the week when my children are at their dads.
He's not a texter, I am. Sometimes he opens messages and doesn't reply.
Say like tonight he was going to come over and drop the kids off a pizza, but I knew he was busy, working late so I said it was ok.
I got the impression he didn't want to come over anyway and I am so tired so not really an issue.
So I'm going to his tomorrow, but it's like it's always me making the effort. I asked him if he still wants to do this and his reply is "don't start this again, have a day off"
We don't do anything, maybe have a take away and watch a film, I go out with my friends he goes with his.
We did break up for a couple of weeks and he was keen to get back together but it's like it's back to the me doing the running.
I'm 45 and just cannot be bothered to do all this dating malarkey again.
Am I just overthinking??

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2021 21:47

You’re not overthinking and it’s not a good relationship because you’re not happy in it.

don't start this again, have a day off

That’s nasty. It’s so dismissive and shows so little interest in or care for what you want and need.

Michaelangelo467 · 03/09/2021 21:49

Did he really say that? He doesn’t really like you does he?

Original poster
needynelly56 · 03/09/2021 21:49

Yeah I thought that. But then I keep thinking it's me.

OP posts:
Original poster
needynelly56 · 03/09/2021 21:50

@Michaelangelo467

Did he really say that? He doesn’t really like you does he?
He did yeah. But I've heard him say that to his mother too GrinGrin
OP posts:
Ibizan · 03/09/2021 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

category12 · 03/09/2021 21:52

Surely going on some dates would be more fun than getting blown off by this boring bugger?

PlanDeRaccordement · 03/09/2021 21:52

No, it doesn’t sound like a good relationship. It sounds more like FWB to me...that he’s just keeping you on back burner for a weekly shag. If that’s all you want, then that’s ok. But you sound like you want someone that does exciting things with you and communicates with you regularly. You deserve that.

Ibizan · 03/09/2021 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
needynelly56 · 03/09/2021 21:54

Yeah I get that! I use to jump at the chance to go and now it's got to the point I can't be bothered.

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 03/09/2021 21:54

Sounds like you need to dump him and be with someone who actually wants to be with you.

category12 · 03/09/2021 22:04

Think of it this way, is it a relationship that makes you happy and feel good about yourself?

user1471538283 · 03/09/2021 22:07

He sounds arrogant. What is the point if you never do anything together?

Original poster
needynelly56 · 03/09/2021 22:09

Well we did finish and he was all over it to get back so I am confused as hell!

I just don't get it

OP posts:
CrumpetStrumpet · 03/09/2021 22:12

He's all over to get back with you because his ego is bruised and he doesn't want to lose his sex on tap!

Do NOT take him back. You deserve more than this dismissive, uninterested and boring man.

Original poster
needynelly56 · 03/09/2021 22:14

Yeah I'm not going tomorrow. I have had a shite week at work and I just can't be bothered at all.

I know there is no one else mind cos he's more bothered about his mates.

OP posts:
Shelddd · 03/09/2021 22:21

It is draining having to constantly reassure someone emotionally but its impossible to tell if that's whats happening or if he's being unreasonable. How often do you ask him to reassure you? Is it a weekly thing? If it is I could imagine it would get old fast.

If you want him to come over... don't tell him he doesn't have to, ask him to come over. Just state what you actually want and life will be so much easier.

Original poster
needynelly56 · 03/09/2021 22:25

I don't really ask him to reassure me to be honest.

I don't think it's nice to be ignored tho, I wouldn't do it.

That's why I am asking here as I just can't work it out, it's like one minute he's all for it and the next it's nothing.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/09/2021 22:25

It's not a good relationship for you if you're anxious, confused and unsettled. That's all that matters. So no, it's not a good relationship for you and your emotional needs - which don't sound unreasonable.

category12 · 03/09/2021 22:37

He wants you on his terms - he likes the convenience of you coming round for netflix and chill - and then he can ignore you if he can't be arsed.

Of course he doesn't want that to end, because if he has to start over dating another woman, he'll have to make an effort, at least to start with.

Original poster
needynelly56 · 03/09/2021 22:41

Exactly he was so full on at first!

I don't even like the films he watches

OP posts:
thoughtso · 03/09/2021 22:54

It doesn't sound like a good relationship and he doesn't sound very nice.
Is it worth the bother?

Original poster
needynelly56 · 03/09/2021 23:01

He is a nice bloke but I think emotionally unavailable and does not like confrontation.

Can't say no and would rather hide, I find that he does that with friends too.

When we got back I got some lovely shoes so it's not all at loss.

I think I just need more

OP posts:
myfacelookslikeatoe · 03/09/2021 23:07

Sounds pretty tedious op. You know what to do.

Original poster
needynelly56 · 03/09/2021 23:08

Yeah I am bored.

Bit scared but bored

OP posts:
myfacelookslikeatoe · 03/09/2021 23:10

He sounds ok for dating it what do you want? What are you looking for?

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