35 + years of labelling me paranoid, and then, if I objected to that I was ''sensitive'' and then if I tried to put my foot down I was difficult and emotional. Well, 18 months ago, my mother glossed over the fact that I've always been labelled paranoid, as though it bored her. ''Move on'' she instructed me. Even though it has never been acknowledged. There has been no apology. No acknowledgement. Not even a tentative, ''we really shouldn't have called you paranoid so casually''.
So when my mother glossed over the decades of gaslighting me with such a bored wave of her hand, I told her that she hurt me! Well, she went all silent on me. Totally stonewalled me. And when I tried to push a conversation, she told me i was shouting at her. I never shouted at her unless it was preceded by 8 or 9 months of not being heard.
And my father!? he is my mother's foot soldier. He went to a psychiatric hospital a few times in my teens, with paranoid delusions, so the fucking injustice of being labelled paranoid makes me want to RAGE! i asked him last christmas ''how is it that you went to a psychiatric hospital with paranoia and yet i'm the one that emerges with the label of paranoia?'' and he just looked back at me like a zombie. Glass eyes. And then he went home and ''told on me''. Told my mother i was shouting and ranting.
And my mother texted to say ''what is wrong with you that you would hurt your father like that??'' missing the irony that she has no problem at all hurting me and considers my reaction to being hurt the problem.
My father would never ever say to my mother ''so, all she said was that you hurt her??'' he just throws me under a bus and they all sit around talking about how angry I am. How I shout at them.
My brother, the so called logical rational one just sees everything through my mum's eyes but TOTALLY DENIES that and when i try to point out the unfairness of mum dismissing the hurt they caused me over decades to a mere ''grudge'' but guilt tripping me with the hurt I caused her by telling her she hurt me 
THAT was serious and made her sick.
These people act so sane and calm but they are so repressed. Everything is superficially OK. They go to church. They smile and wave and nod and talk about the weather. Stalwarts of the parish.
And totally eroding me.
I don't want to not have a family but omg, they are trying to erode me for their convenience. Why can they not just say ''yeh, 35+ years of calling you paranoid, not our proudest parenting moment''. But no. There has been not one single solitary acknowledgement that this was less than ideal.
And they have LIED to my brother because he seems to believe that they have tried to make amends. They have stonewalled me for 18 months. If they spoke to me at all it was small talk or to guilt trip me.
I never wanted to lose my brother over this but if he cannot understand that all I did was tell them that they hurt me then I am going to lose my only sibling.
It's so depressing to look at your family and see this shitty bunch of people with rigid defences and distorted views and egos so inflated they cannot even admit they hurt you.
They're so fucking crap and the torture of it is, I still sort of love them.