Am I in the wrong for feeling upset about something my MIL said?

[Mamaoftwo2112]

I will just cut to the chase very quickly. I stopped breastfeeding at 2 months (please don't judge me) for many different reasons: my partner pressured me to breastfeed as it is the best nutrients for our baby (I didnt really want to but I thought he has little control and I would give him that for piece of mind of our babies health. I stopped because of the pain, plus baby stopped latching properly as I was using a nipple guard and that complicated the whole thing. Also for convenience of the day time as I was not leaving the house because of breastfeeding: the leaks when you are out etc. Plus I just never really got the hang of it. It was an extremely tough decision for me to stop and I still feel super guilty over it and some days stress about it. (Have I done a disservice to my baby is he going to have health problems growing up etc). My partner's mum said to him " i really wish she hadn't stopped breastfeeding" this has just made me feel really irritated and upset. I don't know what answers I'm looking for here but maybe just some reasurance that this is my body and I get to choose. She breastfed all her babies way over six months. The comment has made me feel extremely inadequate and upset about this whole breastfeeding thing all over again.

I’m not sure the comments saying breastfeeding is pointless and makes no difference are helpful. OP has been clear she carried on as long as she was able to so repeating that it was for nothing is a bit odd.

The breastfeeding is neither here nor there. The issue is a DH who doesn't seem to think before speaking.

She was rude to comment - it’s absolutely nothing to do with her, it was entirely your choice.

Once again, it wasn’t said to OP. It’s on her partner for upsetting her by passing it on. She didn’t say it wasn’t OP’s choice did she? She said was a shame, not that she was going to tell OP what she thought.

Are you married? If not, take heart she's not your MIL. She's no relation to you.
Ignore her.

YANBU, none of her business. I never managed full Bfing with DD and gave up mixed feeding after 12 weeks and I have to say it wasn't a hard decision, we were both miserable and unsatisfied and I bonded with her much better after we moved to the bottle. I did make BFing work with DS and I totally believe every mum should do what she feels comfortable with and I don't care what the reason is if she doesn't want.

Assertiveness works when used for a clear and achievable purpose. If you need to be assertive to constantly hold your own against DP and MIL you will start to give up and be ground down been there, done that

Do you feel cared about by them?
Do they normally try to be thoughtful towards you?

Don't let your MIL make you feel inadequate!

I had the opposite problem. I breastfed exclusively for 6 months and, when DS was 3 months old, my MIL didn't think my breastmilk was good enough and accused me of starving her grandchild. She wanted me to start solids ASAP. He was a very chunky baby and clearly well-fed.

What's best for your child is having a sane and content mother. You have every right to be upset. She had her turn. This is YOUR child to raise the way YOU want. She will likely be judgmental whatever you do anyway so don't let her comments bring you down.

My son was born by emergency CS and by the time I came round his dad had already bottle fed him! He was therefore never breastfed. He is a bloody strapping 6ft plus healthy fella! Don't think any more of it!

I must admit I would probably encourage my daughters/sil to breastfeed because of all the benefits and because I am a fab hand at it.

none of her business! did she say that in front of you? so rude.

2 months is great, especially if you were struggling, it must have been tough!

re the health concerns, I read something in a book (can't remember which!) that explained the stats about health and breastfeeding. so for example (these aren't real stats, just example), if a formula fed baby is twice as likely to get x condition as a breastfed baby, that can still be an extremely small percentage. it may be that a breastfed baby has a 2% chance of getting x condition, and a formula fed baby has a 4% chance, but that's still a 96% chance that a formula fed baby WON'T get it. formula is brilliant and very safe

Fed is best.

Ignore anyone that judges you or thinks they are superior, my MIL breastfed my husband until he was 2. He has allergies and eczema and a mouth full of fillings.

Formula is scientifically made to be perfect food for a baby, it brilliant and dads can help feed too, which is great for them to bond.

Ignore her. I bottle fed both my children. They are strong in health and mind - and haven’t suffered 🙄 as a consequence.

Boob or bottle = a good feed.

I really struggle with the overwhelming consensus that boob = healthy child forever. Because this just isn’t true.

@Sakurami but if they are not happy to, their mental health should be a priority?

Its none of your MIL business she needs to keep her beak well and truely out. Your DH should have your back on that. As for your DH pressuring you i would’t take that crap either. Dont put pressure on yourself to brestfeed. Its a personal choice not to be guilt tripped into. It dosnt work out for everyone. Plenty of babies born wern’t brest feed and there absolutly fine. I dont anyone who brest feed after a few weeks for one reason or another.

I'm pretty good at it too, but I think it's important to support other women's decisions.

Not read all the posts op but firstly, stop doubting yourself. You did well for 2 months. I breastfed for 7 months then mixed with formula until 10 months and it was hard!!!but we were in lockdown and didn't have much else to do... however, are you taking this so personally because its your mil who said this? Had it have been your mum would you feel so defensive? I'm not saying she's right but I don't think a passing comment is something to be upset or cause a fuss about... learn to live and be happy with your choices, and then other people comments won't affect you so much

I say this as someone who loved breastfeeding and kept it up till my boy was 16 months: the evidence from lots of studies shows that formula is now extremely good and the benefits of breastfeeding in a developed country are real but very marginal. If you lived somewhere with unsafe water it would of course be very different, which is one reason the WHO pushes bf so hard. But that aside the differences are just not worth stressing over. Forgive yourself, enjoy your little one, and ignore your MiL.

Your DH was mean to tell you what she said. I doubt she expected him to repeat it to you. Very spiteful but not her fault.

I agree that the husband was mean to tell the OP this, but I do also wonder if his mother actually said anything at all. The husband clearly has a bee in his bonnet about this, and could well be just using his mother as a way to "win".

@QueeniesCroft

I agree that the husband was mean to tell the OP this, but I do also wonder if his mother actually said anything at all. The husband clearly has a bee in his bonnet about this, and could well be just using his mother as a way to "win".

On reflection, you could be right.

Don’t let her bother you.
If it makes you feel better, I have DC and the only one who was breastfed past 6 months has had meningitis, been hospitalised 4 times with various illnesses and is the one who is always catching coughs and colds. The other 2 are much healthier. One was only breastfed for 2 weeks.

Sorry, that should’ve said I have 3DC.
The middle one, who has been in hospital for at least 5 days on 5 occasions is only 3.

Some families are bizarre about bf. My Nan was completely against it and was advising me of tablets I should take to dry up my supply (before I had the baby). I was the only one of my family to bf which was seen as odd.

It's FA to do with her, you choose to bf as long as it suits you, as long as a baby is fed.

@Sakurami why does you being “good at breastfeeding” have any relevance to whether or not your daughters or DILs choose to breastfeed their own children?