Am I in the wrong for feeling upset about something my MIL said?

[Mamaoftwo2112]

I will just cut to the chase very quickly. I stopped breastfeeding at 2 months (please don't judge me) for many different reasons: my partner pressured me to breastfeed as it is the best nutrients for our baby (I didnt really want to but I thought he has little control and I would give him that for piece of mind of our babies health. I stopped because of the pain, plus baby stopped latching properly as I was using a nipple guard and that complicated the whole thing. Also for convenience of the day time as I was not leaving the house because of breastfeeding: the leaks when you are out etc. Plus I just never really got the hang of it. It was an extremely tough decision for me to stop and I still feel super guilty over it and some days stress about it. (Have I done a disservice to my baby is he going to have health problems growing up etc). My partner's mum said to him " i really wish she hadn't stopped breastfeeding" this has just made me feel really irritated and upset. I don't know what answers I'm looking for here but maybe just some reasurance that this is my body and I get to choose. She breastfed all her babies way over six months. The comment has made me feel extremely inadequate and upset about this whole breastfeeding thing all over again.

You poor thing. You did so well with the early milk and you'll no by now that bottle feeding is not the easy option!
My first: struggled for 6 weeks, nipple shields, breastfeeding clinics etc. Was awful.
2nd: breastfed until 2, despite him having heart surgery.
3rd: was going ok till I had to have chemo when she was two months old and I had to stop.
It's ok, it will be ok. Your mil is disappointed and? Nothing to do with her!

@Doomscrolling don’t you think that is a shitty thing to say? “As someone who did it successfully, I can see why she’d wish you’d continued because we all want the best for babies in our families.”

So do you think breastfeeding is always the best for baby? It isn’t and people have already explained why. Baby will be absolutely fine, there’s no need to wish for anything.

No baby ever had health problems because they weren't breast fed. Don't beat yourself up and enjoy the fact that you can now both share the feeding.

Or like my ex, your DP saw BF as a way to ensure you have to do way more of the baby rearing 🤷‍♀️.

I was massively relieved to stop BF in the end.

Did she say it to your partner while you were there or was it something your partner reported back to you?

Those i know who are militant re Breast feeding either give them McDonald’s when they’re toddlers or the other end of the spectrum, give them some fashionable diet to make them feel superior. Your baby got the colostrum so that’s fab for him, now just do what you feel he needs and eye-roll when necessary at mil.

Oh ffs no one can tell how a baby is fed unless they see them feeding abs by the time they’re 5 it’s barely even something you recall, and it’s certainly none of anyone else’s business.

Well done for making a decision that suited you and tell her to keep her opinions to herself.

I have no kids but a close friend of mine is a senior midwife and very experienced post natal advisor. Her daughter really tried but couldn't breastfeed and babe was bottlefed. He is is a healthy strapping young adult. Their Mum would have had THE BEST advice and care. She (and you) made the best decisons they could in the circumstances. Tell your husband to give his head a wobble and your Mil to keep her opinions to herself

You should not feel bad - your body is not your MIL's to dictate how it's used. Two months is still really great for your baby - that early feeding of colostrum was a great gift. You are now feeding your baby excellent, safe, and healthy formula - a scientific gift that in the past didn't exist and babies suffered for lack of an alternative food source. You sound like a wonderful mom and I wish you the best of luck. In a few years you'll be focused on other stuff and everyone will forget the breastfeeding guilt.

Of course it is your body and you get to choose, that goes without saying, but actually your mil is entitled to get own thoughts and opinions, and maybe she didn't realise it would be triggering for you to mention.
I wouldn't focus on who is right if i were you, id focus on caring less about other people's opinion on things that are none of their business.
If your mil said that all cars should be green, that's equally ridiculous but wouldn't be triggering for you. So try to file comments about bf away in the same bucket.
Until she is holding you down forcing you, you can smile and nod every single time, knowing that she has no say in the matter.
Good luck, it's hard i know in practice.

I think a mother is allowed to say to their son, I wish xxx hadn't stopped breast-feeding. Why is it so dreadful? She's not berating the op, she's just expressing an opinion in a mild way. She might even meant, I wish xxx hadn't needed to stop breast-feeding. Most people on MN believe breast is best and go on about ut ALOT, so is it wrong for ops MIL to feel the same. And it was such a mild mention.
Op, you tried, even though you didn't want to, and it didn't work out. No need for guilt. I wasn't breastfed at all. Been very healthy for over 60 years. Don't dwell on this or let it ruin your relationship. Everything is magnified when babies are young but in a few months you won't even give it a second thought.

I was very young when I had my DD. I'd always had huge boobs she was tiny and I was unable to feed her myself. This was the situation when she had her DC too.
However you MUST do what is right for you and your baby. If you are relaxed and happy then your baby will be too. As you know babies are amazing and they are very astute. If you are sad and fretful then your baby will be like this.
As for your MIL it is sod all to do with her. I would personally tell her this but understand if you don't want to do this.
Maybe try saying to her with a smile " I know that you don't approve/you would prefer if I did this and I respect your opinion . However x is my baby. I will be the one who makes these decisions. If I want your input I will ask for it but please respect my decisions.
It will be boring and probably get on your nerves but eventually she will get it.
💐 🍷

I didn't breastfeed at all, had no intention to do or try it either.
My daughter is now 22, only remember her being ill once and that was last year with covid.
She got a certificate from primary and high school for having 100% attendance, and never missed college either. Other than 2 weeks last year (covid), she's never missed work either.

Not breastfeeding certainly didn't hinder my daughter's health.

Your DP is the problem. You don't know what his DM said only what he said she said.

You are doing your best for your baby. Don't knock yourself.

You're doing fine and it's none of her business. Breast feeding is not easy for everyone yet you stuck it out for 2 months despite the problems. Your baby will be absolutely fine and will definitely not have health problems on account of drinking formula. Plus, as someone else has said, a good mum is a happy mum. No need to go through agony when there is perfectly good, nutritious formula available.

Perhaps though, this should be a warning. First to take what your partner's mum says with a pinch of salt but also to ensure your partner is supporting you - if his dm must make hurtful comments you'd be grateful if he could not pass them on and - better still - tell her it is not her place to share negative opinions.

Good luck and congratulations on dc!

I think it’s tactless go of your dh to mention the comment to you.
Sounds like you had a tough time with breast feeding and did well to stick with it for two months. You have nothing to reproach yourself for.

You did it for two whole months longer than you really wanted to. That's a really long time. Your baby will be happier having a mum who is comfortable and content. You are more important than your mother in laws opinions on the type of milk your baby drinks.

She got to choose how to feed her babies and now you get to choose how to feed yours.

Oh, she just needs to keep quiet already. Your body, your decision. Your baby will get the nutrients it needs whether it's from breastfeeding or formula. He's loved, he's healthy. He'll be fine, OP. Don't let them get to you.

Perhaps your d?h could have bf him instead

I bf mine for 2 years. There's bog all difference between my dc and those family from birth.

She was wrong to say anything. Bf can be painful. Stopping wasn't selfish. Formula is just as good.

Also we'll done for managing the time you did. You MIL is a ninny.

Sorry that's formula fed from birth!!

Everyone's entitled to their own opinions but decent folk know better than to broadcast all their opinions with no filter. They both should have known better and kept this to themselves.

What a delight the pair of them are and how lovely you are to bear in mind their wishes and do your best!
I am annoyed for you, CF!!!!!
Do what YOU want not what THEY want!

She didn’t say it to you so he shouldn’t have passed it on. I’d be more concerned about how unsupportive your partner has been than what his mum thinks. She’s entitled to her opinion and to share it with her son. He was thoughtless or mean to share it with you but don’t be annoyed at her, be annoyed with him.

I don't think that in this instance it matters a jot if BF or FF is "better". OP's partner was wrong to repeat his mother's remark, and is clearly not supporting her decision.

I stopped BF my first after a month because I was exhausted and in terrible p[ain. My husband was so unsupportive and so clearly thought that I was being neglectful that I re-established BF and carried on to BF for over a year. I also had a stonking case of PND (and I'm convinced that the two are linked, because of how awful I felt about my husband seeing me as a bad mother).

You can't tell which adults were BF and there is more than one kind of health.