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Original poster

Broke with my ex made a mistake advise needed

72 replies

Moo008 · 02/09/2021 13:09

Hey all, so I (M39) broke with my ex (F31) of 1 year 3 months ago now, didn’t think I was 100% happy and my head wasn’t in a good place with some things like lockdown and work and anxiety. Realised I made a massive mistake and messaged her 4 weeks ago now saying how I felt etc. She was so angry at first and didn’t want to hear anything and told me multiple times leave her alone. Well a few days later she messaged me asking if I meant what I said etc and other questions like what if your head wasn’t in a good place again, I was surprised about this but anyway she seemed less angry and been speaking to me a bit. I poured my heart out to her so it’s come as a shock as she got it into her head over the 2 months that nothing would ever happen between us again. So last week she said I think I talk is needed but right now I need time alone as I’m not in the right headspace atm, she’s been listening to me but needs space and will come to me when she’s ready. I really don’t know how to take this, like if it’s positive or not? I’m giving her the space she needs and not contacting her till she contacts me, but waiting her for to contact me is horrible and my anxiety is so bad at the moment I can’t eat, wondering how she’s feeling or what she’s thinking. Just wanted some advise from women on situation and what she’s likely to be thinking. Thanks

OP posts:
SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 02/09/2021 13:20

Hold on a minute.

You broke up with her 12 weeks ago, let her grieve and heal for 8 weeks and then decided to throw grenade into things because you've changed your mind but her needing to be sure and protect herself is giving you anxiety?

You need to grow up. Leave her alone to move on and find someone who will treat her with respect.

Original poster
Moo008 · 02/09/2021 13:23

Yeah I know I’m stupid and made a mistake. But this break had made me realise how I really feel about her. So I’m wondering if I really have a chance still

OP posts:
Abouttoblow · 02/09/2021 13:24

She's taking time to consider things and decide what's best for her.
Like you did.

Original poster
Moo008 · 02/09/2021 13:26

@Abouttoblow

She's taking time to consider things and decide what's best for her. Like you did.
Yeah that’s fairenough. I’m giving her the space she needs and not texting her. Do you think the fact that she said she needs space and time on her own is positive?
OP posts:
Original poster
Moo008 · 02/09/2021 13:27

like I don’t know if someone can lose feelings in 2-3 months? I know she was angry when I contacted her which is understandable

OP posts:
Moretodo · 02/09/2021 13:31

Words mean something.
You ended it and changed your mind.
This is dicking about.
You have dicked about with her emotions.
At the least it's thoughtless, and at most it's cruel.

Palavah · 02/09/2021 13:34

What have you done to get yourself in a better headspace so you know you won't let her down again?

Original poster
Moo008 · 02/09/2021 13:35

@Moretodo

Words mean something. You ended it and changed your mind. This is dicking about. You have dicked about with her emotions. At the least it's thoughtless, and at most it's cruel.
I know I made a mistake and I regret it I really do. My head wasn’t in a good place and I felt confused about things. I’ve been working on my issues and anxiety to be a better person and not make this mistake again if I got another chance.
OP posts:
Original poster
Moo008 · 02/09/2021 13:36

@Palavah

What have you done to get yourself in a better headspace so you know you won't let her down again?
I’ve been meditating, I’ve been speaking to people and opening up about my feelings for her. I never talk about my feelings even when I was with her. I keep them locked up. I’ve learnt not to be scared of commitment and push someone away who cares for me. I’ve been reading and watching YouTube vids on relationships and how to be a better person
OP posts:
OfNick · 02/09/2021 13:38

You reap what you sow 🤷‍♀️

leavesthataregreen · 02/09/2021 14:14

My advice is to keep very actively working on your own issues while she needs time. Don't waste your energy getting anxious about when she might be ready to talk. You obviously still have loads of work to do on your own issues if you were unable to see the difference between being unhappy in yourself, unhappy due to lockdown and unhappy due to your relationship. Examine the root causes of your unhappiness and look for ways to conquer it.

Maybe write her a card and send it by snail mail, just to say that if and when she wants to get in touch you would love to hear from her. That's less intrusive than a text and more personal than an email.

Foxmylife · 02/09/2021 14:16

Leave the poor woman alone. You needed space, over a year!! Give her space.

Original poster
Moo008 · 02/09/2021 14:21

@Foxmylife

Leave the poor woman alone. You needed space, over a year!! Give her space.
No we were together a year. Broke up 3 months ago. Yeah I’m giving her the space she needs
OP posts:
Mary1Mary · 02/09/2021 14:25

Avoidant.

PepsiHoover · 02/09/2021 14:41

Work on the assumption that she doesn't want you back. That way you're not getting your hopes up.

Cantsayusername · 02/09/2021 14:46

but waiting her for to contact me is horrible and my anxiety is so bad at the moment I can’t eat, wondering how she’s feeling or what she’s thinking.

Welcome to what you put her through. For 12 weeks..

If you want to know what she's thinking. She's letting it settle in her head and taking her time. She doesn't have to rush Adv if you feel anxious worried etc all through that time, it was your own doing as you dumped her. She doesn't have to do anything.

She might be thinking it all through and talking to you to get closure
Or she might be thinking it through to test her feelings, your reassurances that you won't simply dump her again if she takes a huge risk on you . She might feel it's worth it or she might feel it's not. You don't easily get over someone ending your relationship and waking away.

If you want get back, it has to stop being about you and has to be about her feelings now.

You've laid your heart on the line but don't forget you broke hers before. It might take her months or longer to decide, so carry on dealing with your issues and bettering your life. If you give her space and she comes back to you , you will be glad it was all done in a considered way rather than out of loneliness

Teatimes2 · 02/09/2021 14:46

I was broken up with in February this year after a 5 year relationship, it was his decision. I was really heartbroken, but I decided that in the unlikely event he came back, I'd never go there after the emotional upset I'd been through, the work I'd put in to heal myself and the fact that I'd never trust him not to do the same again.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/09/2021 14:48

You say you made a mistake. Stop saying that. You made a decision, like a grown up. These are the consequences of your decision. If we like with the consequences of our decisions, rather then not taking responsibility, we are less likely to make bad decisions in the future.

She gets time to think, you get to wait. Us telling you it's positive is you trying to remove the consequences of your decision.

It could be good, bad or neutral and that's up to her. And don't mess around any more.

idontlikealdi · 02/09/2021 14:50

You made a decision. If it was the wrong one that's on you.

RantyAunty · 02/09/2021 14:53

She said she came to think you two would never be together again.
Well you did break up with her and she figured you had already moved on to someone else so she decided to put the relationship behind her so she could move on too.

Original poster
Moo008 · 02/09/2021 14:56

@RantyAunty

She said she came to think you two would never be together again. Well you did break up with her and she figured you had already moved on to someone else so she decided to put the relationship behind her so she could move on too.
Yeah I totally get that. I guess that’s why this has all come as a shock to her and she needs the time to think

I also take full responsibility that it was my choice and this mess is my fault

OP posts:
SpeckledlyHen · 02/09/2021 15:04

"I also take full responsibility that it was my choice and this mess is my fault"

Well that's mighty magnanimous of you. Hmm

RantyAunty · 02/09/2021 15:07

I was left by my DH after quite a few years of marriage as he had his head turned, thinking he wasn't happy and thought the grass was greener. No way in hell I'd take him back.

If things had worked out with that woman, you wouldn't be calling your ex wanting her back would you.

I'd just leave her alone and let her move on with her life.

Original poster
Moo008 · 02/09/2021 15:13

@RantyAunty

I was left by my DH after quite a few years of marriage as he had his head turned, thinking he wasn't happy and thought the grass was greener. No way in hell I'd take him back.

If things had worked out with that woman, you wouldn't be calling your ex wanting her back would you.

I'd just leave her alone and let her move on with her life.

There never was or has been another woman involved. I literally have no interest in anyone else and I’m certainly not ready to be thinking of or dating anyone else at the moment.
OP posts:
TractorAndHeadphones · 02/09/2021 15:35

You’ll get slaughtered on here for being a man. You’re better off on n Reddit’s AskWomen.

What’s shes thinking depends on how much she likes you and what she feels. My advice - go about as though you won’t get her back. It’s entirely her choice

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