How would you interpret this?

[JustAnotherManicGrungeDay]

I have a shit relationship history. Virtually non existent.

I went out for the evening recently with someone I've known on and off for a very long time. We had a really lovely evening - it was a lot of fun and we laughed loads. He is obviously attracted to me and has made it clear a few times previously.

We had a few drinks and were walking down the road holding hands. We were talking about dating and he said "I'm not interested in Instagram perfection. I've had that and it just doesn't interest me. I'd rather be with someone I can have fun with and who I can have a laugh with and just get on really well with. When I see a 'perfect woman' I just find it boring now. It holds no interest for me."

At the end of the night he told me that the evening had been really good fun and he'd really enjoyed it.

I'm not really interesting in analysing whether or not he likes me because my question is quite specific.

I've had a lot of experiences in the past where men have been critical of my appearance. Maybe not initially but somewhere down the line, the fact I'm not slim and toned with a flat stomach and smooth thighs has been a problem.

Does it sound like a genuine comment on his part or is he doing the same?

Tbh, I looked really nice when we went out. I felt confident and i was confident. There was nothing in my behaviour or demeanour that suggested otherwise.

But tbh the world is full of women who lack confidence in their appearance or have low self esteem. There is an entirely billion pound industry based upon that fact. And yet other women, of all shapes and sizes, manage to have relationships with men who care about them and find them attractive.

I've been single (through choice) for most of my adult life. I get shot of them pretty quickly when the comments start.

I'm.actualy happy with the way I look but I will.admit that over recent years I have started to become concerned that it's always going to he this way.

It's a little bit insensitive as he's marked you as not perfectly attractive which no one wants to hear even if we know this about ourselves already however I think he really likes you based on that chat and I'd take it as a compliment as you're obviously a really lovely woman.

Tbh, I don't mind honesty or an honest appraisal. At least I know I can trust what they say on other things. My ego isn't so fragile that I'll be crushed by that! I didn't actually mind his comment. But I thought I'd better check here in case I was missing something!

@JustAnotherManicGrungeDay Sorry I need to read slower sometimes!

Well I think I have to retract my statements about your being self conscious getting picked up on, it actually sounds like you are pretty self assured and confident which is great because I'm sure you have every reason to be.

That leaves me with the feeling it's just a negging approach to pull you down.

But from all of them? All men? The only ones who are ever actually complimentary, I've realised, are the other women's husbands who try it on!

Single men always behave like they're doing me a favour 🙄

That's the part that's getting me down.

Well I personally no longer have much faith in men as partners in general. I've been told decent ones exist but I have yet to come across one that doesn't give himself away in the end. I have a very low tolerance of any behaviour that is anti-women and I see a lot of it, here, in life and even amongst friends and family so I am now single and plan on remaining so.

I'm probably not a great advocate for "keep on trying" but I am a massive advocate for if they don't meet your high standards, chuck them back in the sea. Don't lower your standards and zero tolerance for shitty behaviour/attitude towards you.

Sometimes it makes me a bit sad because of course I'd love to share my life with a partner but I'm not prepared to compromise myself to achieve that. I just try and focus on making a happy life for myself and for the most part I've made peace with my singledom. If I met someone lovely I wouldn't say no but I think the likely hood of that happening is really astronomically low.

Sadly, that's pretty much how I feel. I don't actively date and I wouldn't go near online dating. I see far too any women compromising for the sake of not being single.

If it happens then it happens. But I'm not holding out much hope!

Agree with PPs who think his comments were twatty.

It also makes me hypervigilant to red flags, being a prior victim of emotional abuse the faintest whiff of one and I'm off no questions asked.

Don't get me wrong, a lot of people misinterpret that as me saying I will only accept perfection at all times. In reality I am pretty easy going and I'm aware that people can be grumpy etc at times, it's all about how they treat me, talk to and about me and how they treat and talk about other women. I won't put up with being treated shoddily, being used as an emotional punch bag or a man who's comments bely hints of misogyny.

If that severely limits my potential dating pool (since I am not actively dating either), I'm totally fine with that. If a unicorn appears great, if not also great.