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Original poster

How Long Would You Give It?

77 replies

ItsPartyThyme · 01/09/2021 16:56

If you were dating someone and last saw them at the weekend and they hadn't been in touch since then, would you write them off or would you still be hopeful they'd get in touch?

OP posts:
HomerDancing · 01/09/2021 16:58

How long have you been dating?

How often are your normally in touch?

How was it on the weekend? How did you leave it - any plans etc?

Have you tried to contact them?

Original poster
ItsPartyThyme · 01/09/2021 17:06

We have been dating more than one month but less than two, so still very early days!

We don't text too much but I'd say he'd usually be in contact every day, even if we just exchanged 3 messages each day. He's never gone two days without contact, now this is three.

We just went out for drinks and food, it was lovely in my opinion. No thoughts that he was no longer interested. I drove home afterwards (I didn't drink) and he messaged to make sure I got home safe. We exchanged a few messages, he suggested what we could do for our next date (but no plans or date arranged) and I said that sounded good, we then went to sleep and he said "speak to you tomorrow."

I have not contacted him. I am planning on doing so, just not sure when. I just feel that if he was interested he'd have reached out. I dont want to initiate contact only for him to just go along with it, but not be overly interested in pursuing me.

OP posts:
BornFreee · 01/09/2021 17:16

Maybe he's thinking exactly the same ... Stalemate.

bumpertobumper · 01/09/2021 17:17

You haven't contacted him either - he could be wondering the same things as you. If you want to be in touch with someone just get in touch... the longer you leave it the more awkward it gets

OrangeTortoise · 01/09/2021 17:18

I'd text him OP. What have you got to lose?

seensome · 01/09/2021 17:21

Are you interested anyway? You probably both feel the lack of effort, if it's always you to reach out then I would of said it's him but if you haven't either then you can't blame him for not being interested and to be honest he isn't or he would of contacted you.

HomerDancing · 01/09/2021 17:21

It sounds like the weekend was nice, no signs of pulling away.

I would text him! You have nothing to lose at all.

I doubt he would go along with it if he wasn't interested. Just text him, I would do it today 😊

LastGirlSanding · 01/09/2021 17:34

I’d text him myself. I don’t get all this waiting for each other to contact first thing but if you’re playing that game technically isn’t it your turn anyway since he said speak to you tomorrow?

Original poster
ItsPartyThyme · 01/09/2021 17:38

Thanks, I do see your point about me not contacting him either, but as seensome said, if he was interested he would have contacted me.

I am definitely interested in him.

It probably is a me problem! I have had very bad luck with men, I thought it would be best to let him "chase" me. Potentially archaic, but what I have been doing hasn't been working either!

My issue with texting him is yeah sure, he'd probably reply. He may even arrange a new date. But then how would I know he would have reached out and isn't just going with the flow?

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsPartyThyme · 01/09/2021 17:40

Just to say I'm not playing a game. Or not an intentional one anyway! I really like him. He seems quite chilled so I didn't want to push things.

OP posts:
OrangeTortoise · 01/09/2021 17:46

OP I think you are overthinking this. If he arranges a new date it's almost certainly because he wants to see you! Why would he bother otherwise?

overwork · 01/09/2021 17:55

I don't get this. You've just said that if he was interested he would have contacted you, but you definitely are interested and you've not contacted him. Just text him. I'd say you'll quickly know front when tone of his messages whether or not you're over thinking it

Original poster
ItsPartyThyme · 01/09/2021 18:36

I am overthinking this.

I have had many, many shit experiences with men, including being ghosted by a boyfriend of 4 years who I lived with. So, yes, if he can disappear then anyone can, even if he asked me on another date.

OP posts:
Palavah · 01/09/2021 18:39

i do see your point about me not contacting him either, but as seensome said, if he was interested he would have contacted me

But if he normally gets in touch first then you're making it harder work for him than it needs to be. After more than a month of him showing initiative you're not going to sound needy by taking the initiative once.

Original poster
ItsPartyThyme · 01/09/2021 19:04

I have messaged first before.

Its not about seeming needy, it really is just about am I prolonging the inevitable? If he was interested it wouldn't matter if he usually starts the conversations because he'd want to arrange a next date. If I message him now then will I be in the same situation next week?

I am very burned by my ex and others. If someone of 4 years who I shared a house with could ghost me (literally) then i have absolutely no hope of a guy I barely know!

OP posts:
Excelthetube · 01/09/2021 19:14

Stop projecting your past relationships
Send him a text and see what happens
If he does this again, don’t bother going further, you don’t want to always be the one initiating

Original poster
ItsPartyThyme · 01/09/2021 19:27

I've texted, it hasn't gone through!

OP posts:
NewlyGranny · 01/09/2021 19:31

Oh! Does that mean he's blocked you? How rude. 😕

Suprima · 01/09/2021 19:46

He’s not interested, I’m afraid. A shit way to go about it, though- I am sorry.

Ensure you are multiple dating so you don’t become invested. Only stop when commitment is established.

Original poster
ItsPartyThyme · 01/09/2021 19:52

He hasnt blocked me. I agree he isn't interested though.

I do have a date with someone new tomorrow. Not looking forward to it but I'll force myself to go. I only arranged it because I was becoming too invested in this guy.

OP posts:
LizzieMacQueen · 01/09/2021 20:00

Did you sleep with him @ItsPartyThyme last time you met up? I wonder if it's the age old - he got what he wanted. 💐

Suprima · 01/09/2021 20:03

@ItsPartyThyme

He hasnt blocked me. I agree he isn't interested though.

I do have a date with someone new tomorrow. Not looking forward to it but I'll force myself to go. I only arranged it because I was becoming too invested in this guy.

I hope you have a nice date Flowers
Original poster
ItsPartyThyme · 01/09/2021 20:08

No, we have slept together but we didn't sleep together the last time we met up!

OP posts:
LalalalalalaLand123 · 01/09/2021 20:11

How do you mean, your message hasn't gone through?

Bin85 · 01/09/2021 20:12

Lost phone?