New boyfriend - smell

[Nightmare70]

I started seeing a lovely guy recently. All going well except he sometimes smells very sweaty when I’m near him. I’m trying to think of a way of telling him without hurting his feelings - which seems impossible. Any ideas?

All this drama for a brand new relationship is just ridiculous. He may be very nice, but due to his smell do you really fancy him at this point? I am very sensitive to smell and I can say honestly I sure wouldn't. Move on.

I'd find this uncomfortable to bring up because I'm rubbish at this sort of thing but I agree that sooner rather than later would be best if you are going to say something.

I was going to suggest it's the nervous sweats and then read your post saying he seems quite nervous. This happens to me too sometimes and it's really embarrassing because up till it happens everything is fine.

@WhoIsPepeSilva thanks for your reply 😊 I really think it might nervousness. Also feel I need to mention it before I next see him as I don’t want it overshadowing our next date - if there if one…..!

I understand the nervous sweat thing! It’s pretty immediate and it really does honk! No problem if I’ve remembered to use deodorant, but on the occasions I haven’t it can be a total disaster! And the worst thing is I then start to get even more nervous about whether people can smell my BO, and then I sweat even more! Aaargh!!

I can only think that he either a) doesn’t use deodorant, b) uses a natural one (which don’t work on ‘nervous’ sweat) or c) has particularly powerful sweat which overcomes even a good old proper anti-perspirant.

He’s probably hoping you don’t mind or haven’t noticed! If you really like him then you’ll have to say something. Just be very, very kind!

@Blackbird2020 thank you. I will try to be very kind, understanding, et

Here’s the explainer as to the difference between regular sweat and nervous sweat: www.menshealth.com/health/a19544884/why-stress-sweat-smells-so-bad/

Good luck!

It's so hard isn't it. I met someone I really liked but his breath every so often was awful. He asked me early on about it and I got embarrassed and said I hadn't noticed. Four years we've been together and it's almost got to the stage where I can't bear him to kiss me any more... but I don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to tell him after all this time... I keep hinting he should go to the dentists as he hasn't been for years...

Smelling very sweet may indicate ketones, I think it is. Big meat eater?

@Blackbird2020 thank you so much. I’m 99% certain this is the issue. I’ll attempt to talk to him about it….thanks again 💐

Agree with Blackbird2020 that when you feel it happening it just makes it worse. I reckon it's likely he's painfully aware of it but not sure what to do when it happens - if it's not at his place I mean, if it is then I'd expect him to have a quick wash and spray, that's what I'd do

Thinking on a couple of times in my life someone has mentioned something potentially embarrassing, I've found it less hurtful and easier to deal with when people are matter of fact, to the point but non judgemental about it.
So maybe you could say you've noticed he seems a bit nervous and it's cool if he wants to use your deodorant, it's in the bathroom if he wants it and now how about a cuppa? Smile and swiftly move on.

Best thread title ever.

If he smells bad to you that could be a sign you’re not actually physically attracted to him.

@Nightmare70

Thanks for all the replies so far. *@Pinkbonbon*- Impossible to know if he showers before seeing me but he always dresses smartly

Doesn't matter. If he's not washing his clothes as regularly as he should, he's going to smell, even if he's freshly washed.....and if he's not washing properly as an adult.....is that really someone you see yourself with?

Is he still quite young? My 20 year old DS can smell of sweat within an hour of a shower, especially if he’s done exercise or been somewhere hot, like public transport. I notice quite a few of my 20-something colleagues ( male and female)will be a bit whiffy by the end of the day, although they started off fresh. And I know some of them use some sort of spray during the day,too.
Another of my sons reckons soap works better than shower gel, I don’t if that’s something you can work into the conversation?
If it’s fresh sweat, I’m not sure that mentioning is going to be productive,.

It could very well be anxiety. When I get anxious I get the anxiety sweats, and it's a different smell to when I'm actually sweating. When I notice it (which I always do) it makes me more anxious knowing that others will pick up on it and I anxious sweat some more. I personally much prefer it if somebody mentions it to me, because I feel I can explain why and then once I know that they know I'm anxious, I usually calm down. But I'm an odd bod and not everyone might take it as well.

Suggest a shower together? Lol

@DelphiniumBlue no, not particularly young - he’s in his 40s!

Buy him some nice cologne and gift it to him…. Hint! Hint!

@TheWeatherWitch

If he stinks at this stage of dating, he’s only going to get worse in time!

Give it a few more months and he’ll be ok wearing two week old socks and pants. By Christmas he’ll be wearing food stained tee-shirts and stinking.

He will not improve.

This isn't necessarily true - my H now has a groomed beard , manscapes and a Poldark chest 😂

@MrsMaizel That's nice for you but I have a feeling it's more likely to go the other way.

Is his name Andrew, by any chance??

I had an ex who had extremely - and I mean EXTREMELY - smelly feet. They stank even after he'd just stepped out of the shower. I made a comment once and he was really hurt. Must have been a hormonal thing.

I've discovered with feet that a shower isn't sufficient, you need a good scrub with a brush, I have a long handled one that does the job well.

Some deodorants clog the pores/glands and so end up being ineffective, a glycolic toner or some diluted detol on a cloth is needed to break this down to get rid of the stale sweat smell.
Same with washing from clothes, some fibres trap in the old sweat and so need a spray of the detol laundry sprays before they go in the wash.

If he’s just washing normally it might not be enough and he may have to follow the steps above every once in a while. You can be washing and keeping very good hygiene but if old sweat is clogged up underneath old deodorants you’ll get smelly very fast!

I am on a skincare group and quite a few people have mentioned this being a problem for themselves and that’s what I’ve seen recommended, however google may have more info and remedies too

When I saw the thread title, for some reason, I read it as 'new boyfriend smell' and thought it might be the equivalent of something like how a new car smells...

Suggest hosing him down with a pressure washer. I could not stomach a stinker.

He’s either not washing his clothes properly or not showering before coming to see you. Does he wash his hands after going to the loo? The reason I ask is that I had this issue when I started seeing my DH. It was a full package of not washing properly or cleaning his teeth or washing his hands after going to the loo

Spray him with Zoflora. before he comes through your door. Some people sweat heavily if they have a problem with glands under the armpits. I believe this can be dealt with by Gp's.