New boyfriend - smell

[Nightmare70]

I started seeing a lovely guy recently. All going well except he sometimes smells very sweaty when I’m near him. I’m trying to think of a way of telling him without hurting his feelings - which seems impossible. Any ideas?

1. He'll worry you've spent the week or however long chatting about this with your friends.

Some clothes hang onto the sweat smell, might it be that?

He could've showered every time he's seen you, but if he's wearing something that's trapped the smell from another occasion that could be it.

When I notice colleagues like this its usually single men but not always...I'd say its most often those who don't wash their clothes properly e.g with good soap powder on the right setting, drying properly so not hung on an airer for days near cooking smells, or they just don't wash clothes enough. E.g jeans worn for a week, tshirts worn to bed then under a shirt and so on. The BO smells linger and escape when warm. Appreciate laundry is difficult for many people and I don't judge for it generally. Sounds like this isn't a reason here (lack of resources). So perhaps some training is in order if he is a keeper. Some parents (i want to say DMs but that's sexist but hey probably still sadly true) don't teach teens this or they don't remember to do it or can't be bothered. My DC are only just teens so I don't know how it will pan out for them but both my DH and I go on about washing properly and deodorant (does he wear proper quality antiperspirant because just deodorant doesn't really work) and washing clothes etc i instill too. Clean undies always. But we know parents of the more chilled variety who don't do this info for their kids as they themselves don't think washing daily and clean clothes are important or they can't be bothered. There kids smell. They aren't 6 anymore. Presumably older teens don't tolerate this. I'm guessing your bf is a proper grown up but maybe his upbringing was like this. Its not as much of an issue if you are an older woman who doesn't sweat much but this doesn't work for teens or men generally. From an eco perspective they are right but at the moment in the UK these levels of cleanliness are what people expect and I'm afraid I remember the hippy student days 30 years ago where people didn't wash their hair and sprayed a bit of oil type stuff on their smelly suede jackets and carried on (everywhere was smoking allowed then so probably not as noticeable!). Going without deodorant never worked for anyone

Honestly start with checking the antiperspirant and then perhaps the laundry. Its absolute crap that you get can get away with wearing the same jeans all week without a sweaty/wee smelling crotch...and most people can't wear a tshirt 2 days in a row either. Women at work do this less it would seem as socoalised to be conscious people will notice its the same outfit but as mens clothes are often not as varied they do get away with this. Although places I've worked have called people out on it. Unless everyone starts doing this rewearing and less washing again like the older days for the sake of the planet. But it ain't happening currently.

Is it a strong smell of BO or is it fresh sweat? I went out with someone who was clean but very hairy and sweaty.

Don't say you noticed last time!!

Honestly,this won't get better in my experience and would put me right off.

Do what the pp suggested and say "Oooo is that me?" and sniff. Give him one chance to put it right.

@OneAugustNight I’m really not sure! I think he’s quite nervous and wondered if that could be it. I’ve been to his house and there’s no smell - all clean & tidy

I would say it would be clothes which he puts back on the chair or even in the cupboard and wears again.
That may be his way of managing his wardrobe.

My husband was like this when we first started dating I was too embarrassed to say anything at first. Since discovered he has such a poor sense of smell he can’t smell a thing! I think I bought him some deodorant but was too embarrassed to give it to him. Nowadays I just tell him to go and get a shower! And it’s not as bad as I do the laundry so all his clothes washed properly.
I like the suggestion of pretending you think it’s yourself and then realising it’s him?!
My husband is sooooo lovely though and glad I carried on dating him. And obviously we got so familiar I could just tell him to sort it out (he still insists he can’t smell it but I’ve got quite a sensitive sense of smell)!

This is the time when he's supposed to be at his very best. How grim. Just because you really like someone doesn't mean it can work out. Some issues are insurmountable, and poor hygiene is one of them.

I'd be moving on.

@lking679 I’d actually thought about saying I have a very sensitive sense of smell & saying i notice things others don’t, or along those lines. Then hopefully he won’t be worrying that others could smell it too.

That's avoid idea saying you have a sensitive sense of smell.

** a GOOD not avoid

Is he using one of those natural deodorants perhaps? They don’t work on me at all!

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor thanks. At least then he hopefully won’t worry others have noticed! I think I need to do this before seeing him again though

Omg I wouldn't know how to bring this up at all.

I think it's definitely better to bring it up when you see him next though, rather than beforehand. At least if you bring it up in person next time it's an issue, he might think it's just been this one incident but it will still make him be more careful going forward.

@LittleMysSister trouble is if I wait til next time, I’ll have to ensure the smell for hours!! Could just say I noticed it last time (no others) ?

No not before seeing him again, it needs doing in person.

@Suprima

I’m sure lots of people will say he has a medical condition or suggest shower sex (not envy) but if he is really lovely, he will be able to take it if you tell him frankly that he smells like BO and ask him how often does he shower?

If he gets defensive- he isn’t lovely and doesn’t wash. Not really a goer, is it?

Sorry but no. I'm a really nice person, but if someone bluntly told I smell and asked how often I wash, I'd be a bit defensive too, which is a natural reaction I think.

You could have a general chat about cleanliness/showering every day and how important it is to you.

From what you say, I can’t tell if it’s smelly not washing that day BO or just sweat over a few hours.

[quote Nightmare70]@LittleMysSister trouble is if I wait til next time, I’ll have to ensure the smell for hours!! Could just say I noticed it last time (no others) ?[/quote]
I personally wouldn't if you genuinely like him and want to continue seeing him, because it could make him feel mega embarrassed and like you've been dreading seeing him ever since.

I do feel for you though, it's so awkward, I can never understand how those with BO can't smell themselves, especially when it's sometimes so strong.

How can you fancy him if the smell is so bad you have to endure it for hours ?

Does he have a really active job that he's coming straight from or something? Maybe he's just changing his clothes quickly prior to seeing you but hasn't had time to shower?

That’s a great idea!! I

Some people on here are fucking nasty human beings.

I shower every day, I SCRUB my underarms with soap and a sponge and apply deodorant every day but can still smell of sweat after a couple of hours.

I now have to use a special deodorant which is only meant to be used a couple of times a week but I have to use every day.

Just because this man smells of sweat, doesnt mean that he has poor personal hygiene. He may just suffer with a 'sweat peoblem'.

OP, if your comfortable enough round him then mention it. You could always present it in a jokey way if needs be. You could also be sympathetic and mention that you know it just be hard but you've heard of a fantastic different called bla bla bla which worked well for a friend of yours who had the same problem.

I think it would be quite cruel to tell him that he smells and ask him how often he showers as a PP suggested.

I’d actually thought about saying I have a very sensitive sense of smell & saying i notice things others don’t

You think starting off a new relationship by lying is the way forward? 🤦‍♀️

Just give him a cuddle, then pull away and say “go shower, then I’ll cuddle you!….there’s soap in the shower/cupboard/sink”

Don’t lie. Let him know he stinks.