Married for 17 years, he works away on a rotation basis. I’ve had many issues throughout my life stemming from sexual abuse throughout my childhood. About five years ago, I started on the long road to dealing with it, I’ve had lots of counselling, successfully gave up alcohol (4.5 years now) and recently had a very successful course of EMDR therapy. Basically, I’ve worked really fucking hard on my trauma responses with quite a lot of success. I finally feel worthy.
My DH however, has a hairline trigger due to all the resentment built up over the years. I’ve shouldered all of the blame, I’ve always been the problem, he has said all along if I “fix” myself, we will be fine. But we are far from fine.
Yesterday, we had a small disagreement over the length of a walk. He didn’t speak to me all evening, and then when we went to bed he tripped over my shoe and threw it so hard at the wall that the heel came off. This is not the first time he has broken things, hit things in a temper etc. We have had so many conversations about it, but he will not entertain the idea that he needs help to process his own issues.
When he’s away at work, I feel so relaxed, like myself again. I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve been manipulated all these years. Because I’ve always been “the problem”, we are now at a point where he says, does, and behaves how he likes.
Am I being emotionally abused? If any of you have any perspective or similar experiences I would appreciate your opinions.