Why do (some) men think women owe them pretty?

[CateBlanchettsHair]

Feel quite taken aback after attending a largely male function recently. I’m a young woman and have had attention before at events for being the only woman at an event of older men. Have also been apparently dismissed or not taken seriously for looking too young and equally I imagine, not pretty enough.

I recently went somewhere and was pretty shocked at the casual misogyny. Someone who I previously respected talked a lot about going to strip clubs, his type being a certain race of women known for their beauty and suggested flying out to this country to meet someone younger to get married to (this last bit said as a joke but still). I’m really struggling to still have respect.

I know women also judge on looks but it’s so boring that this kind of shite still happens.

Was this a work event?!

A industry one yep

I'm cynical but I think a lot of mrny hold deeply misogynistic views and deep down really dislike women...they know they need to disguise this with a thin veneer of good behaviour and respectability but the mask often slips ..

Oh and obviously, NAMALT, blah blah

*men not mrny!

@CateBlanchettsHair

A industry one yep

Eek! Can you speak to the organisers or do you think they won't be receptive? If it's a conference they could have a speaker on how to behave!

Ha, I live in Copenhagen- tons of great looking women here— oh and the men to match who are also respectful, kind and very family minded !! He might have a shock

I’m starting to think the same to be honest

I’m actually really disgusted that this was thought appropriate to say to me. Like clearly I’m not the target audience

I would have just said YUCK very loudly and walked away.

Your title has nothing to do with your OP, did you miss some of it out?

To be fair, I've encountered similar at my wirkplace, with female managers deliberating on which make staff members they consider eye candy and swapping notes on the various hot younger men that they've ogled. Don't think your being unreasonable though. I find public letching in both genders annoying.

• workplace

• male staff members. Dear God, the typos are out in force today...

Apologies @doingnothing

To extrapolate my point is firstly that women are marginalised by being referred to in this way & secondly that it points to a wider culture of looks/attraction to men being paramount in defining your worth as a woman, both in and out of the workplace. Maybe I am reaching but that’s how it felt. So much attention was paid to other women’s worth being linked to their perceived hotness that it seemed natural that female colleagues would also be defined by this. Oh and unprofessional as fuck natch.

I had a nagging feeling (and sadly this has been proven correct a few times) that the hotter I presented myself as at such an event, the more men would listen to what I had to say. Not for the right reasons but still.

@Pinkbonbon

I would have just said YUCK very loudly and walked away.

Me too. Either that or I'd have asked him loudly if he thought this was an acceptable and professional way to speak to a colleague at a work event.

I've worked in professional environments and can say that 99% of men are sleaze balls.

They ALL talk a good game about equality etc etc but the fact is if you have a good looking woman they all lose their minds and professionalism.

If a woman is not what they perceive to be attractive, they automatically give her less respect and credit.

Amongst other nuggets of misogyny, my old boss once said to me 'Have you ever been that that club, Super Sex?'. Er, no

NAMALT - but 99% are

To be honest I’ve attended predominantly female events and heard them discuss men like this. I’m afraid both genders can be guilty I’m afraid, it’s not a male only thing and very naive to think it is

Ok but I think the point is that it’s reasonable to speak to the other gender like this?

I think this is in the wrong board - head on over to the Women's Rights/Feminism section.

Sadly, I have encountered some chimp-like, immature, borderline-incel men with a lot of insecurities who behave in this way. They might glance over at you if they think you're hot. If you're not pretty enough for them, don't laugh at their jokes, are seen as more intelligent as they are, or just too old for them, you are either simply visible or are seen as some kind of threat to their dominance.

And just as a contrast to what some people have said here - I've worked with a lot of people over the years, and NEVER have I seen the same level of disgusting behaviour coming from female colleagues. Never have I had to tolerate female colleagues gratuitously telling rape jokes to make men feel uncomfortable. I've never encountered or heard of a middle aged female colleague making sexual remarks towards teenage customers who were about 15. I've never encountered female colleagues harassing much younger men to go out with them when they've repeatedly told them no, and lurking around their toilets.

There were some who were silly and saw some men through rose tinted glasses, which was frustrating, but it was nothing like what I've seen from men. I'm pretty confident in saying that although there might be exceptions, women generally do not link a man's respectability or worth by his attractiveness in quite the same way. They do not put average looking men, or men over the age of 30 into the invisible/doesn't matter box either.

@Bluntness100

To be honest I’ve attended predominantly female events and heard them discuss men like this. I’m afraid both genders can be guilty I’m afraid, it’s not a male only thing and very naive to think it is

@Bluntness100 Just because both sexes can behave this way, doesn't meant the behaviour isn't massively disproportionate in one direction.

I had a boss on regular freelance contracts who talked openly about buying himself a biddable Thai bride. I told him very bluntly what I thought of him. He never hired or spoke to me again.

I never said it was

@Bluntness100 Yes, but saying that 'it’s not a male only thing and very naive to think it is' sounds to me like you think there's some kind of parity, when there isn't. Plus, the OP never said that it's only male thing. You decided to add that, which I find interesting.

Whenever women bring up any kind of topic like this, there's always one who goes 'BUT WOMEN DO THIS TOO', usually to reduce the (usually) woman's experience and so make it look as if women behave in sexually questionable ways as often as men do.....so excuse me if I got the wrong end of the stick.

@Comedycook

I'm cynical but I think a lot of mrny hold deeply misogynistic views and deep down really dislike women...they know they need to disguise this with a thin veneer of good behaviour and respectability but the mask often slips ..

Oh and obviously, NAMALT, blah blah

This! And yes agree the not all men bs is maddening Just look at when a woman writes that’s she is finding men in her life behaving terribly , The blame always invariably lands back on her ! Either not all men - she is judging all men based on her ‘limited experiences ‘ OR She is the problem for ‘choosing or attracting ‘ these types of men Seems it’s never ever the men , and no one really wants to admit that a very vast majority of men have horrible attitudes to women Even men don’t trust other men . They know how bad they are . Yet when women learn through experience and become suspicious the blame is thrown back on them