Why do (some) men think women owe them pretty?

[CateBlanchettsHair]

Feel quite taken aback after attending a largely male function recently. I’m a young woman and have had attention before at events for being the only woman at an event of older men. Have also been apparently dismissed or not taken seriously for looking too young and equally I imagine, not pretty enough.

I recently went somewhere and was pretty shocked at the casual misogyny. Someone who I previously respected talked a lot about going to strip clubs, his type being a certain race of women known for their beauty and suggested flying out to this country to meet someone younger to get married to (this last bit said as a joke but still). I’m really struggling to still have respect.

I know women also judge on looks but it’s so boring that this kind of shite still happens.

Can be career limiting. Dh like you he is totally non sexist friends with women etc calls it out. I actually think it has affected his career progression he is not “one of the lads”.

OP don't make the mistake of thinking that by presenting yourself a certain way you can get "respect".

Yes they might be looking at you and quiet when you're speaking but they don't respect you at all.

Women aren't really people to them, you see.

that it points to a wider culture of looks/attraction to men being paramount in defining your worth as a woman

Look it sucks but you can’t control this aspect of men at all. Complain loudly, yes. But keep your head down and produce good work and get it seen by the right people and don’t play into their banter.

Unfair? Absolutely. But that’s the way it is.

Unfair? Absolutely. But that’s the way it is

Well thats a bit defeatist. Of course we can change what is acceptable, we can put laws in place to protect people and we can culturally apply pressure to make it unacceptable. Once upon a time it was acceptable for men to shout at pre teen girls 'get your tits out for the lads' in public from a van, you don't see that as much now. So absolutely keep calling it out and yes you CAN control what people say around you. What a stupid thing to post. You wouldn't expect to have to listen to racism, so why would you expect to listen to sexism?

When women were first let into Cambridge university the men rioted. You can force change we have come a long way but yes there is still further to go.

Once upon a time it was acceptable for men to shout at pre teen girls 'get your tits out for the lads' in public from a van, you don't see that as much now

Sorry I don’t believe that was ever considered acceptable.

What a stupid thing to post. You wouldn't expect to have to listen to racism, so why would you expect to listen to sexism?

It’s kind of the same thing. You can’t control what other people think or say, it’s not useful or productive to think you can. Sure, she can call it out, but she shouldn’t get too upset over things she ultimately can’t control.

That’s why I suggested she should do good work and get it seen by the right people. It’s just a better use of her time rather than fighting the larger cultural battles.

That’s just my advice. She can continue trying to change men. I’m done with it.

@UsedUpUsername

that it points to a wider culture of looks/attraction to men being paramount in defining your worth as a woman

Look it sucks but you can’t control this aspect of men at all. Complain loudly, yes. But keep your head down and produce good work and get it seen by the right people and don’t play into their banter.

Unfair? Absolutely. But that’s the way it is.

I wonder what would have happened if women took that attitude towards that ‘aspect of men’ when men beat routinely beat wives ( so long as it wasn’t a stick thicker than their thumb) or when women were not permitted to vote , or when women were required to leave their jobs once they married because their loyalties and attention should go to their husbands and looking after him and his house 😳😳😳

@UsedUpUsername

You do realise that men has historically behaved ( or in your words had aspects of them ) that are abhorrent towards women and m that every single times that’s aspects have changed has been a direct result of women doing EXACTLY the opposite of ignoring the bad behaviour and standing up to it and challenging it
Social change doesn’t come about by women ‘ keeping their heads down ‘

You may have 'give up' used but fortunately for you, and your dds and gcs many of us haven't! And will never give up.

It was totally acceptable in the 1980s to shout at girls and women from vans, on trains and in public, and still happens to this day occasionally. I am not sure if you live in the mountains or somewhere far flung, but casual sexism has been around for a VERY long time.

You can’t control what other people think or say

You can actually be prosecuted for hate speech.

You sound incredibly passive and defeated I hope you are okay.

You can’t control what other people think or say

You can actually be prosecuted for hate speech.

You sound incredibly passive and defeated I hope you are okay.

She’s right though, you can’t control what other people THINK.
Hate speech is illegal but it doesn’t stop people thinking hateful thoughts .
For someone who is so all about women’s rights , your last sentence was obviously meant to be extremely condescending. So the poster doesn’t share your opinion so it’s ok to talk down to her. So not ALL women’s opinions are important right ?

I went on a group holiday to an impoverished third world country, and I was walking along the road with two of the men on the holiday who were discussing in an over the top way how “fit” one of the other ladies on the holiday was, what a good job she had and a top-class education, how accomplished etc. etc. ad nauseum. I made some comment that ok that’s enough and manA said, “well you don’t make the best of yourself like she does, you don’t have a good job - no one would look at you” and the other agreed with him.

Downtown in the evening I bumped into manA. He was furtively chatting to a huddle of people came over to smugly tell me that he had been negotiating with a pimp about one of his girls and what a bargain price it was compared to the UK.
Disgusting sense of western male entitlement.

So not ALL women’s opinions are important right ?

How do you know they are a woman?
Secondly my last sentence was meant kindly, I hope they are okay, as in they sound quite beaten and depressed.

You can in fact change how people think simply by educating them hoping a proper education that starts early and continues throughout childhood and puberty and beyond. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. We only change the narrative and the thought patterns by challenging them.

You can't control what people think obv.

From what is said and done though to so many women and girls all the time we know what a large minority of men think to a greater or lesser extent.

To some
That we're body parts but whole people with feelings. A sex object. A pair of tits/ legs. Hair. Whatever. A male bonding opportunity.
They don't think to empathise. To note age. It doesn't cross their mind that she might be upset/ scared etc.
Loads of threads when challenged at the lights you just upset my DD she's only 14. Apologies. Contrite. When pointed out not an object. But has to be pointed out.

Then there are those who really enjoy the reaction. Discomfort. Fear. If you say something they can laugh at you. Very satisfying.

Then there are those who are seriously creepy. Dangerous. Aggressive.

So yes we know what they're thinking.

And in the things they say and who is targeted.

Loads of men fancy girls from puberty up. Irrespective of age.
Loads of the comments reference non consent/ harm/ assault.

The comment upthread essentially him saying he wanted to anally rape her and cause her injury. That's what went through his head and he came out with it.

So no you can't control what people think.

It's very disturbing though to know that men are wandering about driving about with this stuff going through their heads.

It's always been that way but I think the nature of standard het porn online has probably made it worse.

And society the criminal justice system etc don't really confront it.

@NiceGerbil

So no you can't control what people think.

It's very disturbing though to know that men are wandering about driving about with this stuff going through their heads.

It's always been that way but I think the nature of standard het porn online has probably made it worse.

And society the criminal justice system etc don't really confront it.

Yes the not confronting it is a major part of the issue as is the extreme and constant online porn available now….and also when some people take a defeatist attitude and just say ‘ oh well that’s how men are we can’t change them ‘like a few of the posters above If men and boys go through life behaving like this unchallenged of course they will never change. Whether they still think it , sure , they might but they sure as hell need to be sent clear and loud messages as often as possible that those behaviours and ways of viewing women are totally disgusting and unacceptable

Thing is Street harassment is at different levels in different countries

So it's not a given that it's a certain way and that's just men

If society takes a dim view that stops a lot of it. Not the real creeps obv but the ones showing off to their mates

But here it's still and including from women

It's not a big deal
It's a compliment
Learn to ignore it
Don't make a fuss
Say something clever back
It's just how some men are
Blah blah