Long term age gap relationships?

[Poppydoppy18]

Me and my partner have a 17 year age gap (he’s the older one). We’ve been together for several years and I honestly couldn’t be happier. He’s thoughtful, funny, we have the same interests and overall just fit really well together.
He often jokes I will smarten up in 10 years and will realise I’ve made a mistake staying together with such an ‘old man’ 😁

I’m just curious about other peoples AGR’s, how it worked out in the long run, did you have kids (and when) etc.
Any answers are very much appreciated 🙂

My DM went for an older man in her second marriage. Fifteen years age gap. Okay for the first ten years, constantly travelling on big holidays to far flung destinations. He also introduced her to a big social circle she didn't have with my DF. Last ten years (from about her late forties) were awful as he racked up various knee and hip operations and a reoccurring dose of cellulitis. The socialising and travelling dried up. She resented him being retired and needing care. She traded him in for husband number three. Someone her own age.

My friend has been with his partner 30ish years. He was 23 when they got together, she was 36/37.
No children together, she had 2.
He's been unhappy a good few years, probably since she retired. Her life revolves her grandchildren and watching TV.
He is active, still working and doing more and more as she seems to want to do less and less.
I'm not sure about how much they had in common but as time goes on it's less and less just memories and loyalty keeping them together.
I'm not sure I'd want this.

My own parents had a large age gap. My dad was very active and young acting until a health problem in his early 80's. My mum was his carer for his latter years.

So on these two examples, age gaps of more than 10years are a no from me.

@Godwits thanks for pointing out my autocorrect fail. *do-gooders, obviously.

My DM was, and is, wonderful. She was cautious, but realised that with a DD of 17, nothing she did would "send him packing". So she waited, prepared to pick up the pieces if it went wrong (as she would have with any boyfriend) and realised over time that actually, it wasn't wrong after all.
Do you seriously think that if you told your 17 year old daughter you though her boyfriend was too old and she should get rid, she would listen to you?

Some people on here will be oh 6our to young. In 10 years you will be seperated. So what. That doesn't matter what matters Is both of you and if you are sod them. My mum was born in 1959 and dad in 1941. That's a 18 year age gap. They married when she was 21 and he was 39. They were still married until the day she died in 2013. If your happy what does it matter

@MazyontheDipper

I was fourteen and a half when I started going out with my first boyfriend. He was 20. I was quite emotionally mature for my age. I found boys of my own age rather silly and unappealing. This boyfriend was lovely, but back in those days (early 70s) it wasn't unusual to have an older boyfriend, particularly if you were from a working-class background where boys usuall got married in their early twenties and girls in their late teens.

I ended the relationship when it became clear that we were following different paths in life. It was very upsetting for both of us.

Of course, these days, he would be accused of grooming, and end up on the sex offender's register.

How times have changed.

It's funny how supposedly "emotionally mature" teenagers don't see the problem with adult men pursuing a relationship with schoolgirls.

If my 19 year old brought home a woman in her mid 30s I wouldn't be at all happy. I'd view that as her taking advantage at best and possibly grooming. As has been said a 20 year old is still developing their brain and forming who they are.
When you are young there's a power imbalance. There's probably a sweet spot in middle age where it doesn't matter but as a couple age, the younger partner will likely still want to do more when the older one wants/needs to slow down.
Also, as the younger person ages and gets their own health niggles, who is going to support them? Especially if they're also carer to an 80 year old.

There is 10 years between myself and my hubby. We have been together 18 years now. We love each other and laugh together daily.

It puzzles me the people who talk about being carers to your older partner, when they are older, but that can happen in any relationship and if you love that person, you work it out.

These days there is no saying that just because of an age gap, that person will become more dependant earlier. I was the fittest and healthiest by a country mile, I now have RA and my hubby is already opening milk and bottles for me, does he get to just leave me now I'm a possible high risk of becoming a burden to him ?

Each scenario is obviously different, but if you are happy, valued, respected and in love, I think that's the most important thing

Married a man 15 years older than me, had dc and were married for 15 years, 10 happily, 5 less so. Our issues were more about his temper and poor money management on his part rather than his age. We are divorced now and I can’t imagine being married to someone his age now, he went downhill late 50s and now in his 60s is like an old man whereas I am 45 and feel in my prime.