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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you have fun with your husband?

87 replies

wooopdawoop · 28/08/2021 22:36

Do you enjoy your husbands company and actually have fun together? We married for practical reasons after I fell pregnant with DS a year into our relationship, we’ve been married for 3 years and both early 30’s. He’s a good person but our relationship is so dull we hardly ever laugh and joke together and I’m starting to feel that I don’t enjoy his company (when he is actually at home that is as he works long hours / borderline workaholic). He works, watches sport, eats and sleeps so I feel like he never has the energy to put any effort into our relationship.

I love a good laugh and luckily have friends and family I can share that side with but it would be nice to occasionally have that with DH.

OP posts:

annonymousse · 29/08/2021 18:47

Been together 18 years and we laugh a lot. I look at him sometimes and feel a little glow that he loves me. He's my second husband and I feel very lucky that we found each other.

CookPassBabtridge · 29/08/2021 18:51

We laugh and banter with each other every day, I wouldn't be with someone where there were no laughs or joy.. life is too short to be miserable.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 29/08/2021 18:51

Yes, it's one reason I married him. We have a big overlap in our taste in films/music/books/days out - a bigger overlap than any of my exes. We also like the same sorts of games and quizzes. We've evolved numerous running jokes over the years.

Franklyfrost · 29/08/2021 18:51

No. I asked yesterday if we could sometimes spend some time together, just to watch tv or have a glass of wine for half an hour. He he would do it as a favour for me but didn’t miss spending time together. It makes me feel really sad, we do get on but he goes to bed and reads once the kids are asleep and then it’s lights out at nine. I’m not even allowed to talk in bed- well I’m allowed to talk but he will blank me. I’m not sure how strange that is. I really love him.

ittakes2 · 29/08/2021 18:52

Unfort I am a bit sullen I think and I think my hubby is the only person in the world to make me laugh regularly. Both with him and at him because I find him hilarious.

namechange7865 · 29/08/2021 18:55

@Franklyfrost out of interest what do you love about him if you can't actually spend time with him or put up with behaviour like blanking you?

MaMelon · 29/08/2021 18:56

Yes - 26 years married here and we still have fun together. He also drives me up the wall but on balance I think I’ll keep him We try and have days out together, go for walks, watch movies, go out for dinner or lunch - just mundane things. I think it’s harder when the DC are little, they do take up a lot of time.

CurryLover55 · 29/08/2021 18:58

DH makes me laugh every day, sometimes to the point of pain. We went through a really tough few years where I thought we would split up but even in the darkest times, he could still make me roar with laughter. We’re like a couple of kids sometimes.

Chailatteplease · 29/08/2021 19:00

Yes. He’s my favourite person to be around. He’s not always around and I miss him immensely when he’s not.

Don’t settle OP, work on bringing some fun into your relationship or move on. Life is truly too short.

FTEngineerM · 29/08/2021 19:25

@Franklyfrost he blanks you? What.. how rude.

Ryan121 · 29/08/2021 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Franklyfrost · 29/08/2021 19:51

@Franklyfrost out of interest what do you love about him if you can't actually spend time with him or put up with behaviour like blanking you?
He's thoughtful and creative. I can't make someone want to spend time with me, we don't get to chose how we feel about people. We used to talk sometimes but over the last few years there have been lots of restraints on what I should say, some of which I know are unreasonable (like not being allowed to cry after the death of a family member) some of which are more understandable (like not complaining).

Franklyfrost · 29/08/2021 19:52

oh sorry the above was a reply to @wooopdawoop

Franklyfrost · 29/08/2021 19:54

jeez, no not woopdawoop, @namechange7865 now you can see why he doesn't want to spend time with me!

Haggisfish3 · 29/08/2021 19:58

Yes, loads of fun. He makes me laugh and I make him laugh.

Franklyfrost · 29/08/2021 20:04

@ FTEngineerM @Franklyfrost he blanks you? What.. how rude.*

It is weird isn't it? It's difficult to know what's normal in a long term relationship. For the first couple of years I'd talk for a few minutes before bed but he doesn't like it so I stopped. Also he's started going to bed at the same early time every night, doesn't like being interrupted during reading or spoken to after reading, doesn't like me touching him accidentally at night, we sleep with a duvet as it's his preference (he moved in and the blankets moved out) and wakes me early in the morning. It's taken a lot of convincing for him to not let the children run into the bedroom and wake me up if he's awake and i'm not (I get up at 6:50 and am a poor sleeper so these are not epic lie-ins). I don't know. Is it normal? I've tried discussing it with him but he's prone to sulking rather than reflecting and he always always says I'm the one with a problem for mentioning anything and that there would be no problem if I didn't have a problem with it. I don't know, didn't mean to highjack this thread, maybe I'm insecure and all this is normal.

WaitingForNormality · 29/08/2021 20:05

Yep. Honestly.
We've been together 12 years and married 7. Two kids (5, 3months) so yes a lot of the time were doing life and parenting admin but We still make fun of each other and have a laugh. We both have v dry sense of humour and he is one of the funniest people I've ever met. I also trust him with everything and so he's the person I can open up to the most (except my mum!).

namechange7865 · 29/08/2021 20:06

@Franklyfrost sorry I just can't understand that, he sounds awful, blanking you, not "letting" you cry, and not letting you complain is not understandable. He clearly isn't a very nice person and doesn't sound very lovable to me, you're under his control, you're most likely not in love with him. He obviously doesn't love you either. How thoughtful can a man who doesn't let you talk or show emotions actually be. Please reflect on your relationship more objectively, you don't deserve to be treated like that.

tintin13 · 29/08/2021 20:11

yep.. he cracks me up.
Sometimes he makes me laugh so hard i pee myself (I'm very pregnant at the moment😆)

FatAnkles · 29/08/2021 20:12

No. He's a proper Victor Meldrew.

AliasGrape · 29/08/2021 20:21

Yes we do, its different now we have a 1 year old, less boozy and we have both become a bit more moany due to tiredness, but we still do have fun. We went out yesterday for a few drinks and a meal for the first time since we had our daughter, we had a great time and it was a good reminder of that side of us which has maybe got a bit lost lately. Even in the boring day to day stuff though we can usually manage to have a laugh in there somewhere.

Full disclosure - we dont have as much fun or in the same way as I had with my ex. Ex and I had an absolute ball and I used to cry laughing with him, we played stupid games and competitions constantly, had riotous nights out just the two of us and one of my favourite things in the world used to be a long car journey with him as we used to just chat and laugh and sing non-stop. BUT - we were shit at all the other stuff really, like communication and dealing with the difficult parts or the day to day boring shit - we were crap at all that together. My marriage now isnt as laugh a minute as that was, but it's a nice balance between fun/ silly sometimes and honest and real when needed too.

Franklyfrost · 29/08/2021 20:23

@namechange7865

Thanks for the reply. It's good to have another perspective on it. I love him and forgive him his faults. Maybe I shouldn't or maybe all relationships are an act of accommodation. He'd be really upset if he read what I'd written, despite it all being objectively true, he would say I'm finding problems. Even on new years eve he's in bed by ten. I think he loves me but, well maybe I should head over to the relationships board sometime and have a ramble ;)

PickAChew · 29/08/2021 20:27

[quote Franklyfrost]**@Franklyfrost out of interest what do you love about him if you can't actually spend time with him or put up with behaviour like blanking you?
He's thoughtful and creative. I can't make someone want to spend time with me, we don't get to chose how we feel about people. We used to talk sometimes but over the last few years there have been lots of restraints on what I should say, some of which I know are unreasonable (like not being allowed to cry after the death of a family member) some of which are more understandable (like not complaining).[/quote]
This is heart breaking. He is being callous and abusive.

I have lost my shit with dh for blanking me (he tends to shut down, sometimes) and for being an insensitive arsehole when I've been upset and he has apologised because he knows he's upset me and that was never his intention.

HelloMissus · 29/08/2021 20:32

We do yes. Going on holiday next week just the two of us and that will be fabulous fun.
We’ve been together over 25 years so it’s not like we haven’t done the hard yards as well tho

Hoppinggreen · 29/08/2021 20:41

Yes.
It’s very important to me that we can laugh together. Throughout any ups (and especially downs) we have always been able to laugh together at things.
I don’t think it should be all fun but you can’t take life too seriously.

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