Tell me about your fantastic spouse

[Cantdecideaway]

So, I’ve got another thread going on this board where I’m trying to decide what to do about the future of my marriage. This post is not about that! But I’ve read so many posts on here about awful men, and my husband is the only person I’ve been with. I’m scared that what I have now is just what a long term marriage looks like and I’m wishing for something that doesn’t actually exist. I don’t want to leave and find that there’s nothing better out there anyway.

So, to give me a taste of what a positive, well balanced and happy long term relationship looks like, can you tell me about yours, if you’re in one please?

Tell me anything you like but specifically I’m interested in:

Do you have plenty to talk about if you spent time alone together?
How would they act if you’d had a tough/tiring day (eg at work)?
Do you find yourself craving time apart from them?
Do you find your spare time is filled with things you do together, or separately, or a nice mix of both?
Do you worry about your relationship ending suddenly? (Eg if you argue, or do you worry about being cheated on)

I really have no idea what a happy, long term relationship looks like. And I really hope I’m getting a skewed perspective on here because if all other peoples relationships are like what I read on here then I’m better off staying put!

I’ve been with my husband for five years, married two and a half. We have lots we like to do together- we play board games, watch tv, drink wine and chat about nonsense. I do like my own company so I do still want that sometimes, usually when he goes into work and I work from home although not been so often in the last year. We also sleep in separate rooms which works for us. When I have a bad day then he hugs me. He’s the most thoughtful considerate man ever. I don’t think we’ll ever break up, and he would never cheat. I’m very happily married.

The majority of relationships posted about are rubbish ones: nobody starts a thread to say I have a great husband so don’t worry, not all relationships are rubbish, just most of the ones you read about here.

We've been together over a decade and always have stuff to talk about. Sometimes that is boring/necessary stuff (about DS, house etc) but often centres around both our jobs, dreams, interests, PT studies. We both have good days and bad days, but the bottom line is we are a team and we face everything as such. If I'm having a difficult day (it happens) he'll cook dinner, put baby to bed, and let me work late. I do the same when it's the other way round. We focus on the fact that we're both doing our best (at everything) but accept that we are both human. We prioritise having regular date nights where possible, and greatly look forward to holidays when we can spend proper time together. We support each other's careers, and are equal parents (down to both compressing our hours for example). Those things are important to me.

It’s important to find someone who genuinely wants you to be happy.
Dh and I have our ups and downs, don’t agree on much politically, spend lots of time doing our own thing but we always support each other when it matters.
There’s no perfect person but find someone who is compatible and supports you and wants the best for you.

This is my second marriage and they are very different. Basically. My now dh tells me how much he loves me and how happy he is. He considers me for everything. We still talk over dinner about ‘big stuff’ as well as daily minutiae. We enjoy each other’s company-we ho walking, eating, cooking etc. He has made me a better person by example. He is kind to his elderly mum and his step children as well as his own. Sure, we fall out sometimes but we talk about how upsetting this is and how we can make it better. I got him an anniversary card which says ‘You are my silver lining’ because it’s true.

DH and I have been married for 7 years, have one daughter and a dog. We are happy. He's funny, kind and we have enough in common that we always have something by to talk about. We also have our own interests and friends which I think is very important - we have our own lives and aren't glued at the hip.

Things aren't perfect (I don't believe in perfection anyway) and he does stuff that drives me mad. But we get through it. A really important factor is - having read 100s of threads about useless men on here - that he pulls his weight. He's brilliant with DD, cooks (kind of), tidies up, puts the bins out. This stuff means I'm not seething with resentment half the time and we can actually enjoy each others' company.

I hope you find a happy, positive relationship. They do exist, I promise.

I have had more than my fair share of crap men and a miserable marriage. I’m not married now but have been with DP for 3 years and it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
If you don’t mind the lack of a ring, I’ll answer your questions!

We never run out of things to talk about and even if we have different views, it’s never something that we argue about. We do have companionable silences too.

If I’ve had a hard day, he will listen while I talk it through, run me a bath, sometimes give me a massage, always a cuddle.

Being quite introverted, I like some alone time but I get that because of our working hours. I’m always happy when he comes home.

We do things separately and have hobbies/friends but also enjoy time together.

I have no fears about the relationship ending or being cheated on. Only death will separate us and finally, I understand people who remain single after losing the love of their life. Nobody else would be enough.

Our values, morals, work ethics and parenting styles align which is important.
The main reason it works so well is because we accept each other warts and all. Neither of us is perfect but our relationship is equal, and we always do the best to ensure the other is happy.

I believe in the expression ‘better to be on the shelf than in the wrong cupboard’. Fear of being alone is not a reason to stay married if it doesn’t make you happy. The two single years after my divorce were the best thing I could ever have gifted myself, it gave me time to work out who I was and what I wanted.

I've been with my husband for 15 years, married for five.
I have absolutely no doubts about how much he loves me and I love him, we make that known to each other every day even if we argue. I have never ever worried about our relationship ending suddenly.
Sounds cheese but he genuinely is my best friend, I have female best friends too but having the same life goals (which DH and I do) gives an extra level of closeness. I am not going to say that we have unlimited things to talk about all of the time, we do have time but it is not something I am overly conscious of so it is a total non issue (I may start noticing now that you have asked! 😂)
We have both joint hobbies and interests and separate ones so spend our time doing a mix of both.
I wouldn't say a craved time alone, but I do enjoy the odd night when he is out and I can light a candle have a bath, watch whatever I like on TV and relax. I always look forward to seeing him again though.
If I have had a hard day he is always there to support me and help me rationalise why it's not all doom and gloom. He is my number one supporter and I think a benefit of having someone who picks you up in times of 'failure' is that it is easier to take a few risks in life (mainly career risks I am thinking about), if they don't work out and you get rejected for a promotion for example, someone is there to hear about it and tell you that you are still amazing.
I don't want to make this sound like things are perfect all of the time, we bicker like everyone does, and there are certain things which annoy me (I have been nagging him for weeks to book a doctors appointment and don't want to act like his mum, but I'm worried about him) but deep down I could not fault him as a husband and can't imagine him not being in my life. We are TTC at the moment which has been stressful, no DC but I know other strains may come along when we hopefully have DC in future.

I hope you manage to make a decision OP, there are definitely happy relationships to be had!

My husband is lovely. He’s good with the kids and does equal share of housework. He’s also really funny and supportive. He always wants the best for me and will be positive about whatever I’m doing. We don’t have loads of date nights out due to small kids, but we do have nights in where we put the kids to bed, drink gin and listen to tunes. It’s good fun.

I do need some time to myself but he works some evenings so that’s fine. And also I go out and see friends in the evenings. I don’t worry about it ending or him cheating. He makes me laugh a lot. I had a relationship before once where the guy was nice but just didn’t make me laugh. That’s no good at all.

Mine is the best person I know.

He is hard working, he works long 10-11 hour days as a chef and even then quite often he will still cool when he comes home for us as I’m having the pregnancy from hell and have basically been a useless fat fuck for the last 7 months.

We will quite often just sit in the kitchen having a few drinks together with some music and just talk till the early hours of the morning. We never run out of things to take about. Our intelligence level is matched and we can talk/debate most topics together.

He always makes sure there’s flowers in my little vase on the kitchen table. He knows I like waking up to the sunlight so every morning when he leaves for work (5am) he cracks the curtains open so when I wake there’s a stream of sunlight accross the bed.

He always includes me in his plans, even when I say don’t worry about me, you go have fun. He says he wants to show me off and I’m his favorite drinking partner anyway.

He has taken on my daughter as his own, she calls him daddy, he is the best daddy to her and treats her as his own.

I just love him so much. After a long abusive relationship followed by a some more awful ones, he is my precious gem.

Me and DH have been together for 13 years, married for 6. He has always been amazing and supportive but these last 8 months he has just been second to none.

I unexpectedly found myself disabled, I can't do a huge amount for myself yet. He cooks, cleans, works, washes, irons... when it first happened he had to shower me and help me on and off the toilet. Thankfully we have some special aids that mean I can do that alone now but he does still have to help me on and off the bath lift.

When I couldn't get up the stairs and had to sleep in the living room he refused to leave me alone and would sleep on a chair in case I needed him in the night.

I WFH and he is back in the office now I'm a little bit stronger and he always makes sure my wheelchair is in the easiest position for me to get into and makes me some lunch and pops it in the fridge as I struggle to stand for long enough to make anything.

If I've had a bad day I get plenty of hugs and he makes me laugh. If he has a bad day I promise to run someone over with my wheelchair.

I would never be worried about us splitting up, the last 8 months have been incredibly difficult on him but it hasn't once put a strain on our relationship.

He is my rock.

We've been together seven years and my happiness is always his top priority.
We both work from home since the pandemic and I love that we can see each other at any point.
I'm an introvert and always assumed I'd struggle to live with someone else, but he's so laid back which makes up for the fact that I'm not. We often spend evenings sitting together with earphones in, listening or watching different things - I think some couples feel pressure to be always doing stuff together. We have separate rooms for sleep due to snoring and insomniac tendencies. We've never once sworn at each other in anger. If I'm sad (which is a fair bit at the moment due to some family stuff), he'll talk to me, cuddle me, and then suggest something nice for me to do while he does the boring household jobs. He also never takes it out on me if he's having a bad day. He's very demonstrative about how much he loves and likes me. And yes, we find lots to talk about. If I bring up a new topic, he's always ready to have a good think and then fully engage. The only way I worry about the relationship ending is him dying. He's youngish and healthy-ish but I'm a worrier.

Do you have plenty to talk about if you spent time alone together?
How would they act if you’d had a tough/tiring day (eg at work)?
Do you find yourself craving time apart from them?
Do you find your spare time is filled with things you do together, or separately, or a nice mix of both?
Do you worry about your relationship ending suddenly? (Eg if you argue, or do you worry about being cheated on)

DH and I have been together for 18 years, married for 13.

We always find things to talk about - sometimes very deep things, sometimes just reminiscing about wonderful things we've done together etc.

If I'd had a tough time at work, he'd have dinner ready when I got home and he'd talk to me about my day. I'd do the same for him.

We do some things together, some apart, it all works well for us !

I don't crave time away from him - I"m always very happy to be with him. If I never could leave his side I'd still be happy.

I don't worry about our relationship coming to an end - I have total confidence that it will never happen. We are deeply committed to one another for life, I can't imagine that ever changing. And no he'd never cheat.

I feel like I won the gold medal in DH. He is kind, funny, works hard, equally takes responsibility for parenting and housework, puts up with my idiosyncrasies, we share similar humour, values and hobbies. We like spending time together but do still like time apart with our friends. We have interests outside each other. We still have arguments and disagreements but always make up. There's been highs and lows in the 15 years we've been together but we always work hard to seek common ground. Neither of us are perfect, nor is our relationship, but we're much better together than apart and we try to show our appreciation of each other every day. Some days that's easier than others

Been together 40 years. He has made me a better more kind and caring person. No problem is too big or small and I always have his full attention. As I get older I can only hope that in many years to come I go first because life without him is no life at all

Been together 30 years and it’s been a roller coaster we have been through so much together good and bad. Never been unfaithful but have dealt with illness, family problems, money worries, work problems etc.

It’s not perfect and there are times when I’ve thought I don’t need this, I don’t want this but we talk openly and honestly to address and resolve problems, our relationship has varied from shit to fantastic over the years.

Ultimately we have the same values and goals and our relationship, family and home is our priority, we both have a strong work ethic. However we have lots of different views, we may not always agree with each other but respect each other enough to let it go or thrash it out if it matters.

I don’t fear our relationship ending, not because I have some utopian idea that we are forever but because I know I could live by myself and thrive. I also know he loves me very much, not only because he tells me but by his actions.

We have time apart and together, we have different hobbies and some activities we both enjoy, we have friends in common and separate friends. I could never rely on him to provide everything I need, I have friends who stimulate and support me.

We talk about mundane stuff and plans he makes me laugh (and sometimes cry) but it’s mostly friends where I have the get drunk, have a laugh and put the world to rights type of evenings with. During lockdown it was long walks with these friends that kept me sane.

I love time apart to do my own thing, sometimes even at home we will be in different rooms, if either of us feels neglected we tell the other and make an effort, and that includes sex, it’s easy to take our loved ones for granted. I reckon it’s communication, compromise and compassion that has got us this far.

Oh just to say he’s not fantastic and neither am I.

16 years together. We always have stuff to talk about, from the personal stuff to current affairs. We laugh a lot, but don't shy away from heavier discussions.

We have shared and separate interests and I would say a healthy balance of time together and apart.

He's a great dad, really fun and much better than me at being 'in the moment', but also very perceptive and knows instantly if something is bothering one of them and good at getting them to open up.

We're very considerate of one another, e.g. if one of us is getting stressed with the kids the other will always step in; we would always check arranging a night out with friends; we run big purchases past each other.

We share the load very equally, he works full time and I've been part time since we've had kids so I do the lions share in terms of house and kids, but he more than does his bit. One thing I hear a lot is of women carrying the full mental load - so the man thinks he's pulling his weight because he does what his wife asks him to, but it's the wife who's always responsible for knowing what needs doing and having to ask. I've never felt that's the case with us - we both have things we've fallen into taking charge of and it's quite an even split (kids and day to day chores for me; cars, bills, pets for him, for example) - but we will both pick up the slack where needed.

We do bicker sometimes - and more frequently in times of stress - but it has never descended into nastiness or aggression and it's never long before one of us apologises.

I've never considered cheating, nor has it crossed my mind that he would cheat.

I’ve been with my DH almost 5 years and married for 3 (we have 2 DC and I have an older 1 from previous relationship)

We always have something to talk about. Sometimes it’s just random, about our hobbies, tv shows, music, everyday life, current affairs etc. Unlike previous relationships I don’t ever find myself sitting there thinking we have nothing to say or this is hard work.

If I’ve had a tiring or tough day my DH always asks what’s up. Usually gives me a big hug, let’s me vent or talk about it. Sometimes offers helpful
Comment or sometimes just let’s me get it all off my chest. Will suggest we order in dinner (as I’m the only one who can cook) so I don’t have to stress about dinner. If it’s been a really bad day he’ll do my share of the after kids are in bed chores! Also
If it’s a weekend he’ll offer me the chance to go to bed for a rest / some time to recover …. I also do the same for him in reverse situation

I don’t think I crave time apart from him. I’m very introverted and DH knows this so he automatically accommodates my lone wolf tendencies but no o never actively think or crave that they weren’t around me. I’m always happy to spend time
With him and even if I’m in line
Wolf mode him being in the room doesn’t bother me I like it just not having to interact and that be fine and him respecting, understanding and supporting is amazing when I need that time.

Spare time is defo a mix of both. DH has his hobbies which are playing an old PC game hahah ha a big online community presence and also taking party on a sports fantasy league that takes up a few nights a week so during that time I get my tv and my hobbies (baking and embroidery) but we take time to chat about these things and take an interest so it doesn’t feel like we’re disconnected. We also do lots of stuff together like watch certain tv shows, listen to music and chat and play lots of board games

Having been in a few relationships where I have worried about cheating or an argument ending things I have to say no. I never worry about it. This relationship is very different and we’ve had our share of tough times during it from outside sources and we’ve been stronger than ever and are a team. Tbh I thought relationships like this were made up for tv based on my past ex partners but I seem to have found my lobster 😂 He’s my rock

We were just saying yesterday bickering with each other is one of both of our favourite hobbies. It's mental chess as we know each other's main arguments which makes it harder to win! So no no fear of splitting up/revenge cheating afterwards.

Wow! Thanks all, for sharing so far. I’ve sat here reading these messages with tears streaming down my face! These are all the things that I want. That I thought didn’t exist.

You are all very lucky. Please give your partners a big extra hug for being fucking superb. (And you all sound superb too!)

@cricketmum84 - it sounds like you’ve had a terrible time, and your husband sounds like he’s taken great care of you - but you also sound (from your post!) very strong and positive. I hope things continue to get easier for you.

To answer your questions:

Do you have plenty to talk about if you spent time alone together?
Yes, we talk about anything and everything, our days, politics, sport, things we want to do, remembering things we've done, etc.
How would they act if you’d had a tough/tiring day (eg at work)
Listen, sympathise, offer advice if needed, (we work in the same organisation, so he knows what he is talking about)
Do you find yourself craving time apart from them?
Not craving a such, but I do have my own hobby that I spend a fair bit of time on and I would feel suffocated if we were together all the time.
Do you find your spare time is filled with things you do together, or separately, or a nice mix of both?
Definitely a good mix of both, we do some stuff as a couple, some alone, and some with DC.
Do you worry about your relationship ending suddenly? (Eg if you argue, or do you worry about being cheated on)
I do worry about being cheated on, but that is probably due to spending too much time on MN and seeing how often that seems to happen out of the blue. I have certainly never had any reason to doubt DH, and it is not something I would ever bring up with him. Been together 18 years.

I’ve been with my partner for five years.
He makes me smile and laugh every single day.
Lots in common but also have our own hobbies
Both enjoy spending time together but equally as happy doing some things separately
Very thoughtful, loyal and caring
Doesn’t think the woman should do it all and will tidy up, clean etc, without being prompted

I wouldn’t of settled with anyone else, I don’t understand people that do!