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Original poster

If he said this to you after sex, how would you take it?

75 replies

Sanddown · 27/08/2021 10:29

"You make me work hard for it"

He said this to me after the first time we had sex. We had been spending great time together prior and had great sexual chemisty etc but this comment knocked me and I'm not sure how to interpret it. I know he meant his orgasm but in what way did I make him work hard for it. I don't think it's attraction as we were both very attracted to each one.

Is it someone men say? If so what is the meaning?
How would you interpret it if it was said to you?

OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 27/08/2021 10:32

I think it's a veiled insult? You'll have to ask him, but don't expect to hear anything uplifting if it's a performance critique.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/08/2021 10:33

Didn't you post about this before and as well as saying that, he then left?

If it's the same guy he sounds horrible.

Deux · 27/08/2021 10:34

Someone posted the same thing a few weeks ago. Was it you OP?

mildlymiffed · 27/08/2021 10:37

Sense of deja vu here...

HenriettaMjse · 27/08/2021 10:37

Why does it matter if @Sanddown posted this before?!

GreyCarpet · 27/08/2021 10:37

Are you sure he didn't mean your orgasm?

I had a man say that to me once when it took me ages but that was because his technique was a bit crap...

Tbh, I'd interpret it as someone I didn't want to have sex with again.

It's just a pretty shitty thing to say to someone. If they're not doing something how you like it, communicate what you do like at the time!

GreyCarpet · 27/08/2021 10:39

Yes, it doesn't matter if someone posted before. Why the need to point it out?

Sometimes people need more time to process stuff or different people give different responses. All highlighting the fact they've posted before does is humiliate them and shut down the discussion.

Monpetitpoisson · 27/08/2021 10:39

You’ve posted before , look at your previous thread

TheFoundations · 27/08/2021 10:39

but this comment knocked me and I'm not sure how to interpret it

I think that the fact it knocked you is interpretation enough. Healthy relationships don't have the 'He hurt my feelings so I'll ask the internet what this could possibly mean' dynamic. Healthy relationships have the 'If he accidentally hurts my feelings, I will talk to him about it, and he'll explain/apologise to me in a way that reassures me, deep down' dynamic.

The fact that you're asking here demonstrates that there is a communication issue, even at this early stage. What would happen if you asked him instead of us? What stopped you doing that?

imnottoofussed · 27/08/2021 10:40

I'd think he meant to get you to orgasm he had to work hard

Pinkbonbon · 27/08/2021 10:43

@imnottoofussed

I'd think he meant to get you to orgasm he had to work hard
Surely that.

Hopefully not a precursor to him deciding he doesn't have to try in future.

Suprima · 27/08/2021 10:44

@Sanddown

"You make me work hard for it"

He said this to me after the first time we had sex. We had been spending great time together prior and had great sexual chemisty etc but this comment knocked me and I'm not sure how to interpret it. I know he meant his orgasm but in what way did I make him work hard for it. I don't think it's attraction as we were both very attracted to each one.

Is it someone men say? If so what is the meaning?
How would you interpret it if it was said to you?

You’ve already posted about this absolute loser

Everyone gave you advice on how nastily he treated you

Go and read your other thread

RosiePosieDozy · 27/08/2021 10:44

I think it sounds like he means that he has to work hard to get you into bed.

OneAugustNight · 27/08/2021 10:45

Yes you posted before and analysed it for pages and pages if I remember correctly. You’re not still seeing him are you?

Bypassed21 · 27/08/2021 10:46

If this is the same as previous thread - didn't you eventually say you kind of led there and didn't really do much in terms of participating? (sorry if TMI)
He may have meant, because you kind of just led there he wasn't getting any feedback from you - so he didn't know if you were enjoying what he was doing? That could mean he felt he had to work hard?

Bottom line is communication is key. If you like each other you need to start discussing what you like and don't like and hopefully that will help you feel more confident and be more - erm active. That way you both enjoy it?

Have you seen the guy since this happened - or tried to have sex again since?

QueenAdreena · 27/08/2021 10:48

I would interpret that as you made him work hard for it in the actual run up to having sex, as in you didn’t sleep together as quickly as he’d hope you would. I’ve heard countless blokes make comments about women ‘putting out easy’, ‘being easy’ etc over the years if they sleep with men on first/second dates, isn’t what he said the opposite of that?

Not that it should matter anyway, people should just be doing what they’re comfortable with. I’d find it off putting that he’d made a comment like that though, whatever he meant!

Flowers500 · 27/08/2021 10:52

People who post multiple threads of the same thing should be banned

GreyCarpet · 27/08/2021 10:53

@Flowers500

People who post multiple threads of the same thing should be banned
Or you could just close the thread and read a different one..?
thebeatingofthedrums · 27/08/2021 10:56

@QueenAdreena

I would interpret that as you made him work hard for it in the actual run up to having sex, as in you didn’t sleep together as quickly as he’d hope you would. I’ve heard countless blokes make comments about women ‘putting out easy’, ‘being easy’ etc over the years if they sleep with men on first/second dates, isn’t what he said the opposite of that?

Not that it should matter anyway, people should just be doing what they’re comfortable with. I’d find it off putting that he’d made a comment like that though, whatever he meant!

This - I would interpret it as about the run up to having sex, rather than something that happened during sex.

I'd also find it off-putting. Your body is not a reward for good behaviour.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/08/2021 10:57

@HenriettaMjse

Why does it matter if *@Sanddown* posted this before?!
I only asked as the answers OP will get based on the info given in this post may not be helpful as she's omitted some of the even bigger red flags like him storming out afterwards. He sounds absolutely horrible.
PalmarisLongus · 27/08/2021 11:01

If it was about his orgasm..
He may have issues climaxing and instead of owning that issue, he's shifting the responsibility on to you.

If it was about your orgasm.
Well, sometimes it takes a while to climax and if he isn't quite doing it right, well he's shifting that responsibility on to you.

ShingleBeach · 27/08/2021 11:03

I don't know.

I would say "I was curious about what you said about working hard for it, and not sure I fully get what you meant. Could you clarify?"

Get clarity before making any assumptions that will build up negativity.

SunshineCake · 27/08/2021 11:03

I'd take it you made him wait too long, pay for too many dinners, etc before you gave him what he wanted Hmm yuk.

JustAnother0ldMan · 27/08/2021 11:06

"You make me work hard for it" I can’t think of any particular reason or context when I would say this in relation to sex. 🤔

PlanDeRaccordement · 27/08/2021 11:07

Doesn’t matter what he was referring to whether the hard work is in or out of beds it’s a mean thing to say and I’d feel terrible and deceived if said to me. I’d definitely not be seeing him again.