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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

If he said this to you after sex, how would you take it?

75 replies

Sanddown · 27/08/2021 10:29

"You make me work hard for it"

He said this to me after the first time we had sex. We had been spending great time together prior and had great sexual chemisty etc but this comment knocked me and I'm not sure how to interpret it. I know he meant his orgasm but in what way did I make him work hard for it. I don't think it's attraction as we were both very attracted to each one.

Is it someone men say? If so what is the meaning?
How would you interpret it if it was said to you?

OP posts:

Slub · 27/08/2021 14:46

Not coming back OP?

Original poster

Sanddown · 27/08/2021 15:30

Yes I should have asked him what he meant as soon as he said it but I was a bit taken back at the time. I think he said it because he didn't orgasm.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sanddown · 27/08/2021 15:33

He also asked if I was on the pill, he asked this in a smarmy way and it wasn't in fear of pregnancy as he didn't finish and I felt it was directed in a diffrent way. How would being on the pill relate to me "making him work hard for it"?

I feel there is a connection but what? Any ideas?

OP posts:

Sampafie · 27/08/2021 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster

Sanddown · 27/08/2021 15:37

@Sampafie he would never give me an honest answer.

And how does being on the pill relate?

OP posts:

category12 · 27/08/2021 15:38

Seriously you're back again?

Are you still with this guy?

Pinkbonbon · 27/08/2021 15:42

Umm..why on earth are you dating someone who talks to you in a 'smarmy' way and cant give you an honest answer to a question?

Seriously op, why are you trying to pick this apart? Theres clearly something ringing your alarm bells loud and clear about him.

How about instead of asking the reasons behind his comments and behaviours, you ask yourself if he is actually a nice human being or not. And if your gut says no, call it a day.

Original poster

Sanddown · 27/08/2021 15:43

@category12 my last thread got derailed.

OP posts:

category12 · 27/08/2021 15:44

Are you still with him?

SmileyClare · 27/08/2021 15:45

Obviously you need to forget about this twat and stop obsessing about his comments.

As an aside, it doesn't matter if you're on the pill, always use condoms with new men you're having sex with for the first time. You risk STDs and HIV without.

SoundBar · 27/08/2021 15:45

Mind games OP.

If you enjoy them, this individual sounds just your type.

Alternately, get some self respect and dump, block, delete..

girlmom21 · 27/08/2021 15:49

Are you still sleeping with him? Has he made any comment since then?

SmileyClare · 27/08/2021 15:55

The pill lowers some women's sex drive. He was probably expecting you to be contorting yourself into all sorts of positions and screaming with delight when his penis so much as touched you. This would be based on all the porn he watches.

The reality was, neither of you enjoyed the sex. It didn't do much for you and he couldn't keep it up or come. He behaved like a nasty abuser afterwards to protect his pathetic ego; blaming you for not "performing" more and suggesting you would have been more up for it if you weren't on the pill.

Thank god you've had a lucky escape for this man. He would almost certainly been a nasty abusive man. Block, Don't go near him.

SmileyClare · 27/08/2021 15:59

*lucky escape from this man.

I'm sorry you had such an awful sexual encounter and I hope to God it wasn't your first time!. None of it was your fault by the way

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 27/08/2021 16:01

Rather than continuing to ask yourself and MN "why did he say this, what did he mean by that" - why not ask yourself why YOU are so hung up on this laughable troll?

Neither of you liked the sex - you couldn't be bothered to put any effort in, he clearly had unrealistic expectations and made snotty comments. His other behaviour made it clear he's a wanker.

I'm really, really hoping that you're not still seeing him and you're just trying to get closure because his comment is niggling at you. However I suspect that sadly you are still hanging in there, desperately wanting him to transform into a reasonable human being. That's not going to happen, so the big question is why you're still there instead of getting on with meeting a man who's actually worth your time and headspace?

Bypassed21 · 27/08/2021 16:12

Have you seen him or had sex with him since @Sanddown?

Was it any better 2nd time?

I think you should maybe just chalk this down to a poor sexual experience and move on. no need to dissect everything he said if you're not going to see him any more. (as the overwhelming majority of posters have advised you to do)

PS the last thread didn't get de-railed - the responses just weren't what you wanted.

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 27/08/2021 16:45

If you’re second guessing yourself and don’t feel you can ask the guy what he meant then he might not be the guy for you.

HalzTangz · 27/08/2021 16:49

@Sanddown

I feel there is a connection but what? Any ideas?

So are you saying you had unprotected sex with someone you barely know

HalzTangz · 27/08/2021 16:50

@Sanddown

I feel there is a connection but what? Any ideas?

I would go get an STI check, this ma could be riddled with diseases for all you know

Regularsizedrudy · 27/08/2021 17:04

Oh my god why are you letting this get at you a month later. Dump the loser and get help for your self esteem

HalzTangz · 27/08/2021 17:05

@Flowers500

For posters who didn’t read the last thread, the poster has given like 5% of the story. He was an absolute twat who then stormed out after he said this and made clear he had zero respect for her.

Have you got a link to the last thread @Flowers500 so we can see the 95% we aren't being told this time please

SmileyClare · 27/08/2021 18:22

wasn't in fear of pregnancy as he didn't come you can get pregnant through piv sex even without a man having an orgasm. Pre ejaculate is a lubricant released by a man during sex and contains some semen.

I also agree that it would be a good idea to arrange an STD test. You can order these online if you wish.

Look after yourself Op. X

Geppili · 27/08/2021 20:40

Death grip

Alcemeg · 28/08/2021 18:23

Ah OP I hope this other thread has made you realise that we all get told odd things after sex. Try not to dwell on what it means, he's not worth wasting your energy on.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4333914-Weirdest-thing-someones-said-to-you-just-after-sex?msgid=110302802#110302802

SStopRaisingHim · 28/08/2021 18:46

[quote Sanddown]@category12 my last thread got derailed.[/quote]
No it didn’t. This is just nonsense. Don’t believe a word you’re posting.

The pill stuff is all new & surely if this was true you would have met up again or agreed not to… so yeah, lies lies lies.

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