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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If he said this to you after sex, how would you take it?

75 replies

Sanddown · 27/08/2021 10:29

"You make me work hard for it"

He said this to me after the first time we had sex. We had been spending great time together prior and had great sexual chemisty etc but this comment knocked me and I'm not sure how to interpret it. I know he meant his orgasm but in what way did I make him work hard for it. I don't think it's attraction as we were both very attracted to each one.

Is it someone men say? If so what is the meaning?
How would you interpret it if it was said to you?

OP posts:
TheVolturi · 27/08/2021 11:07

I've read this very post really recently??

Alcemeg · 27/08/2021 11:07

Can't believe you're still fretting about this!

Flowers500 · 27/08/2021 11:10

For posters who didn’t read the last thread, the poster has given like 5% of the story. He was an absolute twat who then stormed out after he said this and made clear he had zero respect for her.

IWantT0BreakFree · 27/08/2021 11:11

This is going to sound sarcastic and rude but I am asking sincerely and it’s not intended that way - what do you hope to get from this thread that you didn’t get from the last one? You say you’re not sure how to interpret his comment, but the fact that everyone told you on the last thread that he sounds nasty and disrespectful doesn’t appear to have offered any clarity. Is it possible that you want people to say it’s not a big deal so that you have “permission” to ignore his behaviour even though it has clearly made you feel unhappy and disrespected?

PalmarisLongus · 27/08/2021 11:17

@Flowers500

For posters who didn’t read the last thread, the poster has given like 5% of the story. He was an absolute twat who then stormed out after he said this and made clear he had zero respect for her.
Then op is a fool for giving them man any more headspace, time or energy. He should be blocked and forgotten as immediately as is possible.
Jaguar77 · 27/08/2021 11:27

You posted this before!
Move on

knittingaddict · 27/08/2021 11:44

Deja vu.

As soon as I read the op I knew it had been posted before and very recently. It's not something you forget.

Petardos · 27/08/2021 11:52

Next time OP ask straight away what does he means?

Alonelonelyloner · 27/08/2021 11:56

I didn't post or read the last one.

Regardless, he sounds like a Twat that you shouldn't ahve sex with again - if you have any self-respect at all OP. If you don't have any self-respect, carry on and then we will say the same thing each time he does something nasty (every day).

girlmom21 · 27/08/2021 11:56

The last time you posted this didn't you say something along the lines of "I didn't really put much effort in"?

There's your answer.

Marine24 · 27/08/2021 12:03

What's the point of even posted this? Doubt the op will even come back

WorryMcGee · 27/08/2021 12:03

I’ve read this before, I’m sure of it…

MsHedgehog · 27/08/2021 12:05

Agreed, this has been posted before.

Unless the guy has slept with two different MN users in recent weeks!

thisplaceisweird · 27/08/2021 12:18

Don't be shy flower, just ask him.

You said this after we had sex, can you tell me what you meant by it?

Millymog · 27/08/2021 12:32

this type of thread makes me so glad i am not in a relationship with anyone

prettyteapotsplease · 27/08/2021 12:36

You're better off without a chap like this.

PolytheneRam · 27/08/2021 12:37

This again?

NoNotYou · 27/08/2021 12:40

Death grip

ittakes2 · 27/08/2021 12:45

This was posted last month.

SpacePotato · 27/08/2021 12:49

Can't remember if I posted on the other thread but I see it as he rather expected to just go straight in with the piv, and bang away til he finished with no other effort required in regards to your satisfaction.

Hence making him work for it.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 27/08/2021 12:50

As others have said, you posted this a month ago, got pages and pages of replies, the man made himself seem like more and more of a twat, and then you clung on to one or two people who suggested giving him another chance and decided that was what you were going to do.

It's clearly not working if you're still thinking about this.

And you know exactly what he meant, it's disingenuous to pretend otherwise and to present this without context.

If it's still in your head, you need to can him off, and then actively work on not letting yourself focus on this.

1forAll74 · 27/08/2021 13:07

Maybe he means that you tend to just lie back and think of England, as the saying goes. so it's hard work getting any response from you..

EarringsandLipstick · 27/08/2021 13:09

@Flowers500

For posters who didn’t read the last thread, the poster has given like 5% of the story. He was an absolute twat who then stormed out after he said this and made clear he had zero respect for her.
And OP went on & on, trying to figure out his words & actions, saying she was upset but not prepared to say that to him & pondering about giving him a second chance.

🤯

Marineboy67 · 27/08/2021 13:21

Ah that's a ridiculous thing to say in whatever sexual context he meant it. If it's with regard to your sexual satisfaction he needs to wi

Marineboy67 · 27/08/2021 13:22

continued....Work on his technique.