What do i do

[Delilah6]

Seeking advice
Am not sure what to do
He is very verbaly abusive and has on few occassions pushed me and twisted mt wrist forcefully. He would rant and rant for hours on end. Doesnt matter what time of the day or night. Without trigger or provocation he would call me names he wpuld say" you whore, dick sucker, go kill yourselve, your not a mother, you dont deserve to be a mother, you slut"

I go to work i leave on time as i have alot to do with regards to work so i try to go in early. As soon as i walk through the door he goes on repeat sayinf the above negative words to me over and over hours on end. Am stuck and am not sure what to do partly due to stigma of dirvorce within my community and family, and i dont want to feel like a failure. But then our D is still a todler. Am petrified of living alone and been single as now he mostly works from home and is able to look after D when D is not at nursery.

When ibretuen from work he accuses me of foinf to mans house, cheating, neglecting D, its becoming exhausting his negative constant verbal abuse.

We would be asleep and he would wake up middle of the night and begin verbally abusing me he would say " you whore you slut hell has a special place for you and he would pace up and down the house verbaly abusing me.

Look for the details of your local domestic abuse service and contact them when he’s out. Talk to them and tell them everything you have written here. They will be able to help and advise.

Agree with pp. You need to either leave him or for him to leave. What is the home ownership/rent situation?

You are suffering from significant abuse. You need to make plans to leave this man. He is not a nice man and you need to protect yourself and your child from this abuse.
There are domestic abuse helplines and charities that can help you.
Do you have any friends that you could reach out to for support?
Good luck OP.
I hope you can leave and soon xxx

Leave him, but leave him safely. Speak to Women's Aid or the police.

He might be able to look after your DD while you are at work but what is he teaching her about relationships 24/7? His behaviour is abusive, I cannot say anything to your issue re divorce in your culture but generally I can say life as a single parent is less hardship than the relationship you describe (from personal experience). Withdraw as a PP has described safely. Bless you, you and your DD are worth more than this.

Thanks you all for your replys. Accommodation is rented. He works from home. Our D does 3days at nursery. He pays rent and i pay everyother bill, council tax, nursery fèe, water, electric, food, wifi.. as am writing this is now, he is ranting and pacing up and down saying in monotone voice, " your whore talking to your boyfriends, your mother is a whore, useless woman how on earth did i marry someone like you, when i enter the room you should bow to me, your ugly no one wants you, no one will ever want you when i leave your ass, i hope you go to work and never come back ,i hope you have an accident so i can raise our D, he deserves a new stepmum, i will dash you out of the window if i could, go kill yourself, if i were you i would kill myself, your useless" literary all sorts of inappropiate sexual obscenities and harsh words he says to me. And its a daily repeat.

Is this normal? Am becoming desensitised towards it, i just ifnore him and dont utter a word to him. I camp in the bedroom and aviod being in the same space as him, i enage with our child in that space just not provoke him but then he invades my space and starts to rant the above and banks does open and shut.

I know i should not have but i had come home from work and my instincts told me to check his phone which i did and found out that he had been soliciting women for sex whilst i was at work and had on one occassion left our D who was 2yrs at the time to go meet a lady for sex which he paid her for.

At times i wonder if its guilty concience that makes him extremly verbaly abusive towards me. At times i wonder if he has low self esteem.

Guilty conscience? More like: "If I cause a scene here no one will look at my behaviour." Please please please get out while you can.

Once in a while when i remind him to stop the verbal abuse he tells me i need to be sectioned in a hospital that am the one that is a psychopath.

Omg op this is horrendous. Who did he leave your daughter with? Please please please leave this man. He also needs to seek professional help. You can't have your daughter growing up around this.

Your husband sounds unhinged and for your own safety and that of your son you need to get away from him ASAP. If you don’t have friends or family who can help please contact Women’s Refuge (or the equivalent in the UK).

I would ask myself if I am so bad, so awful, so ugly why on earth is he still with me? The answer is because he needs a verbal punching bag to feel better about himself.

You need to contact your nearest domestic violence centre and leave. This is a horrific relationship you are in. You deserve so much more than this.

OP How can you live like this knowing you have a child in the house who will hear and see what he does?

Do something now if not for your self, do it for your child.

If this were me, I would walk out of that house and never go back. I would leave with my child and start a new life.

Forget things. They can be replaced. Lives cannot

Op do you feel safe now?

Delilah, your H is a monster who enjoys brutalizing you. If you stay, you will become diminished beyond recognition and your daughter will be greatly damaged by this hellish environment. As this is her ‘normal,’ she will likely choose abusers as her future partners.

Did he leave DD alone when he went hunting for sex?

Please, please seek help and make an exit plan to escape this dangerous situation.

He left a two year old baby alone to go and shag someone? Is that what you're saying?

If you don't leave at this point I don't know what anyone can say.

This is serious, ongoing abuse to the extent he is breaking the law.

You must leave him. Your daughter needs you to keep her safe and she cannot be safe with him or while you are with him.

You pay everything except rent and your rent would likely be covered or hugely subsidised (quite rightly) through universal credit if you leave.

This is so far from normal or acceptable behaviour from him that I can't even express it in words.

If most people's partner EVER spoke to them that way, even once, they would be shocked beyond belief and leave them.

He has escalated to physical abuse (again breaking the law) and your daughter is at the age she's finding her voice and will start asserting herself. He will hurt her too. That would break you, right?

You must leave him.

Yes he did leave him asleep i assume in his cot. As i was at work. Some days i just dont want to go home after work as he exacebate me with his vile insults but then i think of our child he needs me. I dont feel safe. I cry everyday he sees me cry he heightens the vile abuse. When i dress up for work he says nasty stuff like "your wearing thong pants to work so you can go sleep around, you women deserve to be beaten if neccessary deserve to be controlled as you dont know your ass from ur elbow, deserve to be punched in the face to talk some sense into you" he says " now i know why there are so many single mothers because you whores cant keep a man" he says " if you were back home you will be stoned to death you whore, you prostitute, you should be my cleaner how did i end up marrying a prostitute"

I have a decent job at moment.

i mean i cant rap my head around what goes on in this mans head. He says its my fault he lashes out . Am on eggshell every minute whilst at home with him. I dread weekends. Everytime am on my phone he accuses me of talking to another man. Now he doesnt seem to care who hear or see him being a shit.

Family believe in " you choose him sort it out marriage is till death do us part" . His family will believe am the problem , his friends have never seen this side of him, they think hes a good man.
I just worry about the stigma, our child is young,how to joggle work and single parent, feeling like a failure, worrying if my wage will cover my bills , rent etc.

OP a you know it’s him not you, you have to leave him, copy his texts and messages if you want and once you are free of him send them to his family if the stigma bothers you that much. Believe me they will have an indication of what he’s like - and anyway so what if they think it’s you, to raise such a misogynist arsehole I bet his dad is the same and his mother has been treated badly too but too scared to say. Save your child and yourself now!

Op you've just said you don't feel safe. Your child clearly isn't safe with this man. You must leave! If my husband EVER left my ds home alone let alone everything else, his bags would be packed! Who gives a shit was his family thinks? And as for your family they should be more supportive! Wherever 'back home' is, is irrelevant. Here is home and his behaviour is one of the most shocking things I've ever read on mumsnet. As a pp has said you will get help towards bills and childcare. Please leave now

This man was never like this when were dating. He sees me as his possession, his object. I sleep i wakebup, i cough, i make comment on tv show , he accuses me of fancing tv presenter or actor,. Am cooking i open the window he says " look at you so the neighbour can think your cooking for family when they dont know your a whore just pretending , your cooking for yourself so the can see you and ask you out" i attend to my personal care and when i am getting ready for wotk or sleep he eoukd say " look at you rubbing cream so you can go sleep around and talk to ur boyfriends on the phone"

I cant have rational conversation about anything as it escalates really quickly to arguement over nothing he goes into rage and continues to reinterate all the above insults over and over and over and i mean hours on end. As am typing this since my previous post he is still ranting in a low voice clling me obsecene names like i have mentionrd.

at times i think he is not alright in the head sometimes i cant even make sense of what he says.

Come on now op enough is enough. I'm actually beginning to wonder if this is a wind up because it's the worst thing I've read on here in years.

But benefit of the doubt, you are only failing your child if you stay with your abuser.

STOP trying to understand him. He is a predator. You can never understand him because you are nothing like him. Stop picking his behaviour. Just get yourself out of there. And honestly op you should report him to the police. He is a danger to you and all women.

That should say despite everything else*

And of course he isnt right in the head, he is a psychopath.

Omg I can't speak tonight. Let alone everything else

There's is mist definitely something wrong with him

Rightly guessed dad its same left his mum. And on his 4th marraige currently seperated from that one.