This may be a generational thing, and maybe I’m overreacting. My brother and his partner recently split up and it has come to light that my brother has cheated on her on several occasions with a number of women and has been regularly visiting sleazy websites. This is bad enough but when I went to see my mum today and we were talking about it, her reaction was to blame his partner, that it means he is obviously not getting it at home and so is clearly her fault. She also blames her for the fact that he has been aggressive and violent towards her on occasions saying that, she should have known when to stop goading him about the cheating. I would have brushed this off as this isn’t really anything to do with me, but when I got home I started thinking about it again as I remembered conversations she had with me as a teenager which left me with really confusing boundaries when it came to relationships and sex in my late teens and early twenties, I ended up in a really coercive relationship when I was younger and then after that had a long period of being single as I developed a real fear/aversion to men and sexual situations for a long time after that. I had been in a much healthier place mentally over the last few years but her comments just left me feeling sick. Anyone else experience similar things with their parents? Is it a generational thing?
I remember, she would say things like once you have slept with someone you can’t just pick and choose when you have sex, men have needs and will want it a lot more than you will. She also blames the woman if a man is violent “men have their limits as to how much they can take from a woman”. When I didn’t agree with her she got really angry with me and seemed to want to make me agree with her.