Hi. I'm not even a Mum, but when I've Google searched my perdicament, you guys always pop up.
My boyfriend of 7 years is a heavy drinker. Not out of norm for a 48 year old British male (or female), but the issue arises because of how he is towards ME after 4 pints onwards. I have to point out the ME in capital letters because he is like it towards no one else when drunk.. Just ME. No one in his family, nor his friends, see what he's like. My partner is exceptionally good at hiding his drunken side to others who love him.
When he's drinking, this can be from 3 drinks onwards, he gets nasty and verbally abusive towards me. The worst thing of all though is that he wets himself. The bed, the bathroom floor, the bedroom carpets. I've literally lost track of the number of times it's happened over the years. He doesn't even think he had to apologise anymore. He just tries to pass it all off as a normal thing that all guys do. I'm disgusted. But the worst thing of all is that he attempts to have me believe that no other person on this earth would have an issue with it. That no other woman he knows would make a "song & dance" about it. Well, I disagree. Thing is, I can't ask my female friends as I don't want them to know he does this. In a stupid way, I guess I'm protecting him. I'm so angry at him, so angry at myself. He does it every time he goes out. It's my house and tbh, I want to end the relationship with him.. But when I've tried to do that many times before, he loses his temper and starts to threaten me with all sorts of things. He says "I'm going to tell, everyone what you're like.." but there's nothing to tell.. I'm just continually angry at him . This weekend same thing happened, alcohol ridden man pi55 all over my bathroom floor. I slipped up in it.. Its vile. I went out and told him to clean it up. He got abusive and did his usual "gas lighting" by trying to make me believe I was exaggerating.. He said "it's just a bit of dribble.." I promise you, it certainly was Not. It was a full bladder all over my floor. It's happened so many times that I've started to feel my entire home smells of wee. I am so terribly down.
He makes out that because he is nice all the other times, generous, etc, that I should therefore "overlook" his drunken behaviour., the bed wetting. I now make him sleep in spare room. He just pi55es the bed, turn the mattress over, washes his clothes from previous night that he fell asleep in, and refuses to acknowledge what he's done.
He will then sulk for days if I'm angry at him. He will often say things like "are you still holding on to this.." in reference to my anger.. In the past, he promised time and time and time again he will sort his drinking out. That he won't drink or take coke. That he will control his temper. But he's done absolutely nothing about it.
I hate him when he drinks.. I get hugely anxious when I know he's due to be drinking.
He's otherwise a nice guy.. Most people think he's a saint.. But that's because he saves all his anger up for me
I wish his family knew what he was like.
I know I'd be better off without him, but he's a master in manipulation and gas lighting.. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever escape this merry go round.