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Original poster

am I overthinking?

66 replies

clw2007 · 23/08/2021 13:50

hi I've been dating somebody since Nov 2020, he's been on furlough working as a builder until 2 weeks ago. He's now gone back to work full time as chef ( long hours due to staffing issues etc).
I haven't really seen him in the last 2 weeks due to work, a few facetimes here and there but it's like passing ships at night.
Friday I was meant to be going over to his to have a "romantic night in" he rang me at 5 to say he has to work on and will be home about 7ish instead.
I had a drunken phonecall at 7.30pm (his drinking is another thread) and a few drunken texts that didn't make any sense. Tried ringing back but no answer. Clearly didn't have the romantic night in!

He hasn't been on whatsapp since I last spoke to him, his phone is off (i've tried ringing), am I overreacting to thinking something is wrong? I would pop round to his but with his working pattern all over the place it doesn't seem feasible. His family hasn't met me so I'd feel silly asking them.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 23/08/2021 14:33

What sis the texts say? Are you worried something happened to him when he was out on Friday?

AryaStarkWolf · 23/08/2021 14:33

Did not sis* haha

girlmom21 · 23/08/2021 14:37

He's was on furlough from being a builder and has now gone back to work as a chef? Hmm

He's chosen the pub over date night and is nursing a sore head. Sorry.

BasicDad · 23/08/2021 14:38

He's binned you off to get pissed under the pretense that he was working late.

That's all you need to know. I don't think you should be concerned about his wellbeing, as he doesn't care about yours. I'd send him a you're dumped text and block him.

sunnyzweibrucken · 23/08/2021 15:08

He chose drinking with his buddies over you . I wouldn't give him the time of day to go over to his house. I'd block him and move on.

Original poster
clw2007 · 23/08/2021 15:19

@AryaStarkWolf that's it I'm worried something has happened, his phone has been off since Saturday. It's nothing to do with the fact he went out I'm actually worried!

OP posts:
Original poster
clw2007 · 23/08/2021 15:21

@girlmom21 yes he was furloughed and has gone back to hospitality work. I've actually met both set of work mates so I know that's true.

OP posts:
Fustyoldface · 23/08/2021 15:22

Do you know any of his friends to contact?

Original poster
clw2007 · 23/08/2021 15:39

@Fustyoldface no, I know where his best mate lives and parents but don't have any numbers for them. I also know where he lives but with his shifts I could miss him etc. His shifts are not set in stone due to the lack of staff etc

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 23/08/2021 15:45

[quote clw2007]@AryaStarkWolf that's it I'm worried something has happened, his phone has been off since Saturday. It's nothing to do with the fact he went out I'm actually worried![/quote]
What did his texts say? I mean it's more likely that he just got drunk and hasn't bothered to contact you (which tells you all you need to know) but on the off chance that something did happen to him maybe call round and see that he's home?

Original poster
clw2007 · 23/08/2021 15:50

@AryaStarkWolf tbh they didn't make much sense so I rang him and he said he was somewhere close to his home and shouldn't be too long and he'll see me soon.
His phone has been completely off since late Fri night when I tried to ring him, with his shifts not being set in stone I could miss him at home.

OP posts:
Fruitandnuts · 23/08/2021 15:55

It sounds like he may be a binge drinker, the type that goes out for a few drinks, goes AWOL and forgets about everyone/everything. A friend once dated a guy and he had this pattern, would work really hard for a few weeks then just disappear on a bender without contact and then claim stress on the drinking binge. Rinse and repeat. He may not be a bad guy but this is a red flag for a potential pattern of behaviour. It doesn't sound good sadly. I think i'd leave him to it.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/08/2021 15:58

[quote clw2007]@AryaStarkWolf tbh they didn't make much sense so I rang him and he said he was somewhere close to his home and shouldn't be too long and he'll see me soon.
His phone has been completely off since late Fri night when I tried to ring him, with his shifts not being set in stone I could miss him at home.[/quote]
I can see why you might be a bit worried, it's more likely that he's just acting the maggot but there's always that nugget of doubt that maybe something bad happened to him. Could you ring his work and ask if he's been in since Friday? That would at least let you know if he's alive :/ I think it is more likely he just stayed out and doesn't want to deal with you asking why he stood you up

Original poster
clw2007 · 23/08/2021 16:03

@AryaStarkWolf it's the little nugget that is making me think something isn't right. I could be barking up the wrong tree! I'm not sure if his work would be able to tell me due to GDPR and not being his ICE contact. I have thought about ringing his work to check. He hasn't been AWOL since I've been dating him - granted we were in a pandemic with most things closed!

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 23/08/2021 16:07

[quote clw2007]@AryaStarkWolf it's the little nugget that is making me think something isn't right. I could be barking up the wrong tree! I'm not sure if his work would be able to tell me due to GDPR and not being his ICE contact. I have thought about ringing his work to check. He hasn't been AWOL since I've been dating him - granted we were in a pandemic with most things closed![/quote]
Have you tried looking at his online activity, whatsapp or something like that, that would tell you when someone was last online.

Original poster
clw2007 · 23/08/2021 16:10

He doesn't have social media like myself - strange I know. His last whatsapp online was Friday 7.45pm - the last time he replied to me. Hence the little nugget that something has happened.
Messages sent on Saturday didn't deliver.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 23/08/2021 16:16

@clw2007

He doesn't have social media like myself - strange I know. His last whatsapp online was Friday 7.45pm - the last time he replied to me. Hence the little nugget that something has happened. Messages sent on Saturday didn't deliver.
that is weird, he may have lost his phone I guess or broken it. Very bad form not to contact you some other way though if that's the case. When you do find out he's OK though I'd be moving on from him, he doesn't sound like he cares very much about either standing you up or making you worry (unless something did happen to him of course).
Viddy2021 · 23/08/2021 16:35

Ghosting?

NotaCoolMum · 23/08/2021 16:39

Could he have blocked you?

Sarahlou63 · 23/08/2021 16:46

Ring the restaurant and see if he's at work/been at work over the weekend?

Sakurami · 23/08/2021 16:48

I think he's either lost his phone or he's found a better offer

Original poster
clw2007 · 23/08/2021 16:49

@Sarahlou63 As mentioned I don’t think they could give that info out due to GDPR and me not being an ICE contact.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 23/08/2021 16:51

[quote clw2007]@Sarahlou63 As mentioned I don’t think they could give that info out due to GDPR and me not being an ICE contact.[/quote]
I'm sure most places would tell you if they'd seen or heard from him if you were worried about his well being.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/08/2021 16:53

I had a drunken phonecall at 7.30pm (his drinking is another thread)

Good riddance to him. Why would you want to be in a relationship with an alcoholic? Your standards are higher than this surely?

nolovelost · 23/08/2021 17:17

so you can still see his 'last seen' ?