am I overthinking?

[clw2007]

hi I've been dating somebody since Nov 2020, he's been on furlough working as a builder until 2 weeks ago. He's now gone back to work full time as chef ( long hours due to staffing issues etc).
I haven't really seen him in the last 2 weeks due to work, a few facetimes here and there but it's like passing ships at night.
Friday I was meant to be going over to his to have a "romantic night in" he rang me at 5 to say he has to work on and will be home about 7ish instead.
I had a drunken phonecall at 7.30pm (his drinking is another thread) and a few drunken texts that didn't make any sense. Tried ringing back but no answer. Clearly didn't have the romantic night in!

He hasn't been on whatsapp since I last spoke to him, his phone is off (i've tried ringing), am I overreacting to thinking something is wrong? I would pop round to his but with his working pattern all over the place it doesn't seem feasible. His family hasn't met me so I'd feel silly asking them.

If you can still see his last seen then he hasn't blocked you I don't think.

It sounds like you're implying he's a problem drinker - it's never a good idea to be in a relationship with one so whatever has happened it's worth you reconsidering why you're choosing to date someone who is a problem drinker.

Do you live close to each other? I think I'd be tempted to go to his house or his place of work to see if he's there.
Either something has happened, or he's not that into you.

It doesn't sound great from a relationship POV, the drinking and lying about working to get pissed but putting this aside, you're worried about another human being.

I would try calling the restaurant, explain you don't want any details other than thas he been seen or heard from since Saturday, you just want to know he's safe. If they refuse to say and you're genuinely concerned, you could try knocking at his or popping into work. Again, reiterate you think he has lost his phone and you just want to know if he's safe, you're not looking to disturb him at work. Does he have housemates? If none of these turn up any answers, and you don't have contact details for his friends, I would consider handing it over to the police to look into.

Don't get me wrong, I have been ghosted, I have been out with men who pull disappearing acts, also lost my phone once or twice over the years after a night out. However, I also live alone in a big city and worry that if anything happened to me, it could be days before anyone noticed, especially if over a weekend.

Just my POV which is that the likelihood is nothing bad has happened but if this is out of character after 9-10 months, you are not being OTT for wanting to check things out. If he had blocked you or was online that would be different.

If he has just gone off grid after a bender though, with ongoing drinking issues, I wouldn't think twice about calling time on the relationship, there will just be more of this to come

@Sattherelikealemon you’ve hit the nail on the head.
I’m tempted to knock his parents, his sister has heard about me but I haven’t met them.
I’m just worried, I’d rather someone say “yes he’s fine” and that’s it. He lives alone, like I’ve mentioned his shift patterns are to pot so I may “miss him” when he’s home.

Honestly guys I’m just worried about another human being not my relationship 😂

I would immediately call the restaurant, if he’s missing and they are worried too they will ask you if you’ve seen him too. My suspicion is he has got blind drunk with his mates, dropped his phone down the loo hence no contact. I am sure he is ok and embarrassed to talk to you because he has been a knob head.

I think he's probably lost or broken his phone while drunk. I'd call the restaurant and just ask if he's in. They can tell you yes or no without breaking gdpr.

FYI though, chefs do not keep hours compatible with most relationships. 12hr days, often 7 days a week.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation yes the last two weeks has highlighted that which was my worry when he went back to his “normal” job

Totally get your concern. I’d be exactly the same. I’ve had similar and it’s a real worry. Personally I’d call his workplace and just ask if he’s been seen, I don’t see how GDPR would prevent that. You can even call and ask to speak to him? Then gage their response.

Just phone his work and ask to speak to xxxx. They will either say yip who is calling or no, he is not in this shift. That will tell you something.

If his last seen is still Friday then he's probably lost his phone or you are the only person he talks to on WhatsApp and is trying to avoid you, a bit unlikely though.
I'm guessing he knows where you live/work though and if he really wanted to see you again he would track you down, however him letting you down last minute is shitty behaviour, so be glad it's a blessing he's disappeared off the face of the earth.
I very much doubt anything bad has happened to him, perhaps you could go to his house? and be mad when he's answers the door?

To be fair id be worried too

Have you tried the delete for me/everyone on WhatsApp? If you can delete for everyone he hasn't read it, if you can only delete for you he has, without blue ticking it.
If you don't want to call him at work, go to the house armed with a note incase he's not in, just saying you're concerned, here's my number incase you've lost your phone.
If he'd been arrested for being drunk and disorderly he would have been out already. Anything more serious he'd have been in court on Monday morning.....
Good luck

@Purplealienpuke the messages from Saturday only have one tick so I know they haven’t been delivered.
That’s a good idea I don’t know why I didn’t think of that, I may do that than call his work place.
I’m more concerned than anything and don’t really want to knock his parents door as I haven’t met them yet.

(his drinking is another thread)

I think this is all you need to know.

You say you're worried about another human being but he has parents, a sister and friends to do all of that. I wonder if you're focusing on being concerned about his well being as a way of avoiding how you feel about his treatment of you? He's someone you've been dating for 9 months. He's not worth it.

You can read msgs without the other person knowing you've read them......
Click on your message, go to the top and select the delete icon. If it says delete only for you hes read them!

Could he have blocked and ghosted you???

I know it sounds mean but I'd let him go.

Thanks for all your opinions guys 😂

@clw2007 any word?

@NotaCoolMum I’m going to pop a note through his door this morning on my way to work.

Is his profile pic still visible on WhatsApp ? If it isn’t then he may have blocked you and that’s why your messages aren’t delivering

I’m not blocked on WhatsApp as I can see his last seen online and his profile picture

[quote clw2007]@AryaStarkWolf that's it I'm worried something has happened, his phone has been off since Saturday. It's nothing to do with the fact he went out I'm actually worried![/quote]
Are you sure he hasn't blocked you. If you are getting his voicemail and can't see when he was online it's more likely he blocked you than he's been in an accident

Don't understand why if you were genuinely worried that you wouldn't pop by his house, unless he lives hours away? Or even his work

All these people saying he may have lost or broken his phone, that's no excuse for him to not let her know that's the case, he could easily pop to hers to tell her or leave a note through her door.

I think you’re being reasonable op. You’ve been going out for 10 months, it’s weird to suddenly not hear from someone for 4/5 days.

I don’t mean you need to have massive phone calls everyday, but by that point, little messages here and there, good morning, good night etc are fairly standard!

I would be a bit concerned too; either because he was ill or I’m being pushed out. Sorry op. I hope you get to the bottom of it.