Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A familiar gripe... once again

67 replies

Shattered · 12/10/2002 06:34

Is it just my dh or is it MEN?? DH practically never has ds to himself (2 yrs old), but on the odd occasion that I try to get him to take ds somewhere, he seems to get an attitude about it. Like it's all too hard or something. He has a busy job and travels sometimes, but he still manages to go and watch his older son play sport on a Saturday and he also gets to play golf quite regularly during working hours. (Not to mention sleeps in until 10.00 am on the weekends). Today I asked him if he could take ds to the park for a little while so I could get some work done, and it's almost as if you're asking him to babysit for an entire week. He didn't even say goodbye to me, just gave me a look and then got in the car and went. I have ds constantly on my own and can't believe that dh has a problem with taking him out for half an hour. I don't suppose this is a unique problem but I get so fed up sometimes.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 12/10/2002 08:22

Shattered, it would p* me off too. Your ds is not just your child or your responsibility, he is your dh's responsibility too. IMO he has a damn cheek lying in til 10am at the weekends (unless you take it in turns and he lets you lie in too?) You say he has a busy job: well, so do you if you are at home with your ds (or even if you're not but do most of the childcare which it sounds as if you do). Sorry, not very constructive advice but I agree with you, it's unacceptable and you need to talk to him I think and tell him so.

SoupDragon · 12/10/2002 08:28

Shattered, I'm with you on this one too! After a week where DH has been out 2 nights and not home before 7 on any other one, he's now just left for his weekly trip to the golf club and probably won't be back til 2pm. He can't understand why I get angry about this. Grrrr!

Now, I'm assuming you're in a different time zone to me as your message is timed at 6:34am and I'd be a bit annoyed if someone asked me to take DSs to the park at that hour!

Do you find that if you try to talk to him about it, you get accused of nagging??

WideWebWitch · 12/10/2002 08:40

Soupdragon, I wondered that too about the time zone! Shattered if you're not in a different time zone, I'm with your DH on this

sobernow · 12/10/2002 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Willow2 · 12/10/2002 10:05

Men, can't live with them, can't kill them.

jessi · 12/10/2002 11:54

Shattered, on the very rare occassions that dh is home at the weekend, we sit down over breakfast and decide what we're going to do. We often do a ds shift rota on one of the days so that we both get a break and then do something all together for one afternoon/morning. Perhaps you could try talking to your dh and suggest you both plan in advance what your both expecting from the weekend and find a compromise that makes you both happy?
Good luck.

sobernow · 12/10/2002 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clarinet60 · 12/10/2002 18:49

Willow2, fantastic!
I think anyone who's read my recent posts knows how I feel about this one.
I'm fuming on your behalf, shattered, and I'm shattered too, for much the same reason.
I don't know the answer.

Temples · 12/10/2002 23:19

soupdraggon if I try to discuss ANYTHING with my husband I get accused of nagging

WideWebWitch · 13/10/2002 01:27

Willow2 and sobernow

Original poster
Shattered · 13/10/2002 05:53

It's ok, I'm not really in the habit of getting up at some ridiculous hour of the morning!! I'm in a different time zone, so I guess it's night here when it's morning in the UK.

Wickedwaterwitch, I actually DON'T get to lie in - I have always gotten up earlier than dh, even before we had ds. But now it's gotten to the point where I do feel as though I need to sleep in sometimes, out of sheer tiredness from being with ds all the time and trying to study and get everything else done, but unless I actually ASK him to get up so that I can sleep in, it wouldn't occur to him to do it!! Basically I think men try to get away with whatever you let them get away with. Maybe I need to start being nasty.

Soupdragon, I do feel as though he thinks I'm nagging but what else do you do?! It's really unfair isn't it... if we could swap places for a while (dh & I) I'm sure he would realise what it's like and hopefully have a different attitude. In other ways he's really good, but I find this aspect of our relationship very annoying sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shattered · 13/10/2002 05:54

It's ok, I'm not really in the habit of getting up at some ridiculous hour of the morning!! I'm in a different time zone, so I guess it's night here when it's morning in the UK.

Wickedwaterwitch, I actually DON'T get to lie in - I have always gotten up earlier than dh, even before we had ds. But now it's gotten to the point where I do feel as though I need to sleep in sometimes, out of sheer tiredness from being with ds all the time and trying to study and get everything else done, but unless I actually ASK him to get up so that I can sleep in, it wouldn't occur to him to do it!! Basically I think men try to get away with whatever you let them get away with. Maybe I need to start being nasty.

Soupdragon, I do feel as though he thinks I'm nagging but what else do you do?! It's really unfair isn't it... if we could swap places for a while (dh & I) I'm sure he would realise what it's like and hopefully have a different attitude. In other ways he's really good, but I find this aspect of our relationship very annoying sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shattered · 13/10/2002 05:54

Sorry for posting twice... I didn't think it went through the first time.

OP posts:
SimonHoward · 14/10/2002 09:10

Sobernow

How true your husbands words are.

sobernow · 14/10/2002 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 14/10/2002 10:54

Sometimes I feel as if when we had children I became a single mum and dh became an uncle!

Clarinet60 · 14/10/2002 11:47

Spot on, soupdragon.
Oh yes, I've just got it, the clangers!!!
Quick, aren't I?

mam · 14/10/2002 12:18

soupdragon - I can't believe it but you have summed it up so so well! Why is it dh's seem to distance themselves like that and only want to come out for the best bits and then act so proud? Must remember that phrase for our next discussion on this topic (with dh).

Clarinet60 · 14/10/2002 12:31

The sad thing is (for us, anyway) that children are just as madly in love with them for doing bugger all! More actually, as they get to do the fun things while we do the drudgery.

emmabee · 14/10/2002 12:31

Dh is actually very good about looking after ds, but whenever we go anywhere, HE pushes the buggy, or if we're visiting people in the car, HE has the glory of carrying adorable ds into the house to get all the attention & Muggins here is left to totter behind with the bags!

Clarinet60 · 14/10/2002 12:57

Oh yes, they love those buggies and back-packs, don't they. Not quite so keen on various other items of baby equipment, though. Not quite so fast to rush to fill the sterilizer or pick up the nappy bag when there's a smell ...

SoupDragon · 14/10/2002 13:01

... or to pick up the child if there's a funny smell...

LiamsMum · 15/10/2002 02:35

Emmabee, you must be married to my dh!!! He does exactly the same thing. Always has to push the pram when we go out, and he has to be the one to carry ds into the house when we go to visit someone. But all the other mundane stuff gets avoided like the plague. They must all come out of the same mould...

ellasmum · 15/10/2002 12:52

Soupdragon - you summed it up brilliantly!! I too must remember that sentence to tell DP.

He loves to show DD off when she is in a good mood but cannot be bothered to do any of the 'sensible/boring' jobs.

Men are officially useless.

ellasmum · 15/10/2002 12:54

Meant to add that I hate it when DP pushes buggy and gets loads of looks from lovely looking girls who think it is adorable, whilst I trail behind lugging bags, food, wipes, nappies ......