A familiar gripe... once again

[Shattered]

Is it just my dh or is it MEN?? DH practically never has ds to himself (2 yrs old), but on the odd occasion that I try to get him to take ds somewhere, he seems to get an attitude about it. Like it's all too hard or something. He has a busy job and travels sometimes, but he still manages to go and watch his older son play sport on a Saturday and he also gets to play golf quite regularly during working hours. (Not to mention sleeps in until 10.00 am on the weekends). Today I asked him if he could take ds to the park for a little while so I could get some work done, and it's almost as if you're asking him to babysit for an entire week. He didn't even say goodbye to me, just gave me a look and then got in the car and went. I have ds constantly on my own and can't believe that dh has a problem with taking him out for half an hour. I don't suppose this is a unique problem but I get so fed up sometimes.

oops, sorry, thought that would go in straight after tigermoth's - multishirking, I mean.

Lol to this thread, esp sobernow and prufrock

Janh, my dh DOES clean the loo. We have a difference of opinion on chemical loo cleaners (unecessary pollution) and loo brushes (unhygenic), so if he wants to them used in our house then he has to do it himself.

(I must point out that I am happy to clean the loo, BTW, just my way not his - wouldn't like you all thinking my house was foetid .)

Azzie, what a fascinating message! How do you do it? Fairy liquid and a scourer? Do tell!

A scourer and elbow grease pretty much sums it up (not forgetting a hole-free pair of Marigolds ).

• We flush the loo with clean water loads of times a day. IMHO we're more likely to catch something from the cloth/scrubber we wash the dishes with than from germs in the toilet bowl.

• I can't stand the smell of loo cleaners - makes me retch.

• I'd rather any germs stayed in the toilet bowl rather than adhering to a toilet brush which any passing crawler/toddler/preschooler could get their hands (or worse) on (yuk).

As you can probably tell, dh and I have revisited this topic many times .

My dh is very good with dd and very efficient at looking after her but he too is completely unable to multi task like the fairer sex so often do ! He also manages to sit and watch every inconceviably boring sport on telly (golf, cricket, fishing etc, etc) most Saturday and Sunday afternoon's with me only taking an hour away from looking after DD to go the gym. And I hasten to add doing the cooking, cleaning and everything else while looking after her ! He does help a lot with cooking and always does all the washing.

Anyway, to really make you laugh. A couple of weeks ago he had to go away on business. No problem of course.The next night I am going to see an old friend and stay at hers (something I haven't done for 2 years and felt like I really should make the effort because she ALWAYS comes to me because of dd) - it is very near to my work and we wanted to have a few drinks and then the next morning instead of having an hour drive to work it would only be 10 minutes. I didn't even leave till I had bathed dd and she was ready for bed so he didn't even have to do that on his own but had the cheek to tell me that mummy's don't do this sort of thing and I shouldn't go away and leave her ! One night in 13 months !!!!

What about the seat/top of rim/handle? (I've started using Parazone smelly disposable wipes to do those - not very environmentally friendly either I suppose!)

Ooh, Tillysmummy, how dare he? The rotter!

Of course Mummys do that sort of thing, as often as they can get away with it.

I pushed off for 4 days when dd was 9 months and she doesn't seem to have suffered!

Hope you enjoyed your night off.

Oh this thread is funny. Prufrock, that was disgusting but funny and Sobernow, my dp can do that too with the Playstation and the beer! Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuk to cleaning the loo your way azzie, eeegghhh! My dp doesn't seem to be able to manage loo cleaning either and we have a loo brush so it shouldn't be that hard. Also have those disposable wipes for the rim etc. God, can't believe I'm going into so much detail about how we clean our loo so off to look at another thread now!

I was hugging DS2 on the floor when DS1 came over and said "Group hug! We can use my binoculars instead of daddy!" See how easily the men in our lives can be replaced?

Just to expand on this topic a little... has anyone noticed that their husbands/partners don't seem to take much time out to play with their kids? Like I said in my original post, dh has a busy job and doesn't get a great deal of spare time. I also forgot to mention that he is a migraine-sufferer, which does become tedious because he gets them so often. So there are times when (like today) dh just wants to sit down and watch tv or lie on the couch, and ds (on the other hand) wants dh to play with him because he doesn't get to spend all that much time with him. So the more ds tries vainly to get dh's attention, dh becomes irritated with ds and eventually ds reacts by getting naughty and whiny. Which causes dh to say something like "He's just grating on me today!! Why is he being so naughty??" It made me think that I hardly ever see dh doing something constructive with ds, like helping him build with his blocks, doing a puzzle or kicking a ball around. The only thing dh does with him is a bit of horseplay, which ds enjoys but it's probably not often enough. DS is only 2 1/2 but I just wonder if he gets frustrated with the lack of attention sometimes. Does anyone else feel the same?

Shattered

I don't think men have the same feelings as us about entertaining children. Mine was very good when they were babies, would feed, change nappies, pace the floor whatever, but is quite limited now they are older (apart from computer type play)

Shattered - my DP spends v. little time 'playing' with DD. She is only 6.5 months so the situation is a little different to yours, but I am worried that unless he starts now then by the time she is old enough to be bothered he still won't do it.

He sees very little of her during the week but still doesn't seem that bothered about spending time with her at the weekends.

It really upsets me when I see Dads and babies in eg Sainsburys at the weekend when I am there on my own with DD AGAIN because DP refuses to come with us as he wants to have a relaxing bath - that was todays excuse anyway!!!!

Am sincerely with all the women with useless d.hs/ d.ps. Mine is exactly everything described here: it pisses me off but I have got so used to it. And whoever it was (Soupdragon? Sobernow?) who said they knew the exact details of their d.h's life insurance, I too am fully aware of the benefits of d.h. falling victim to an untimely death; indeed, in my sourer moments, I have spent many a pleasant hour spending the insurance money The only consolation is that as they get older, kids do start to realise who does everything in their lives. I was talking with my kids today about Christmas wish lists and my 7 yr old d.s said that we should ask Father Christmas for "a lot more patience" for Daddy, followed by "and maybe a sense of humour" :0 :0

My husband spends all his time entertaining the kids and I'm the one that gets forgotten!

Lol oxocube Now where would they have gotten the idea that your dh needs more patience and a sense of humour?!!

I had a small payoff today, I came home from church this morning to find dh sitting outside with a couple of friends of ours who had dropped in. DS was sitting with them at the table and when he saw me he said "Mummy!" excitedly and gave me a big kiss when I picked him up. It's the first time he's given me a kiss without me asking for one, he just did it... it was so lovely. When they left, my friend said what a nice little boy he was and that it must be because he has a good mother!!! It's so great to hear things like that, because we all know how much work goes into rearing them and we don't tend to get a lot of help sometimes!!!!!!!!!!

I am with you Lou33 ... I get very left out too ... my dh only has eyes for DS when he gets home from work